looove reading these responses! My worst enemy is anyone who plays their music (or even worse, their TikToks or game) out loud on public transit (including when they have headphones that don't really work so I can still hear it)
I hear you, Ms.DeVoto (haha). Though I have to admit I kind of love the folks who blast their music in the parks or from their cars and bicycles as they cruise down the streets in the summertime. It makes the city feel a little like a movie, and a little out of control.
"Who—or what—is your worst enemy? Share your enmity in the comments!"
All those Americans who chant, "USA! USA!" The cheapest sort of pride is national pride and it leads to what we had in 1930's Germany and what we have in 2026.
"You can’t just approach a stranger on the street, ask them to reveal their worst enemy, thank them and walk away. They will want to explain, or perhaps relate their life story. One person started to cry."
Awwww!!! That's why I comment so much, because I want to relate my life story in the hope that it makes others appreciate their own life story in comparison!
That's a lie; I do it for ego. My life IS THE STANDARD!! Just like Cafe Anne is the standard!
I would imagine modern youth and influencers could readily be marketed elderberry tea as long as they curate their photos of the teacup on Instagram. See what I did there :)
Loved this! I hate people who put their dog’s poop in the plastic poop bag and then LEAVE THE BAG on the sidewalk for someone else to dispose of! The nerve!
My worst enemy? Probably my dad. But that would imply that I care enough about him to have him in my heart as an enemy, and, honestly, meh. He's just a miserable, lonely old man who got the future he deserved.
Otherwise? Probably anyone who doesn't understand that more rights for second class citizens isn't fewer rights for them. It's not a fucking PIE, Brenda!
Great responses! I have an enemy group that I complain about ALL the time: People on WHEELS at Prospect Park. I'm a walker, I go there at least 5x a week and get to movin, the people on bikes swerve in and out of the walk lane all the time, but if you are crossing the street, or even look like you are putting one toenail into the bike lane, they go insane and start yelling, they are entitled asses who make things more dangerous for everyone. Also kids on scooters (I'm a Mom who had two kids on scooters), people on skateboards zooming in and out, the whole lot of the Wheels.
I have a fantasy plan that I talk about all the time, where one day a year FEET and WHEELS come together on the great lawn in early October and have an hour long, no holds barred battle. Feet side is all walkers, runners, kids not in strollers, the drummers, stoners, dogs, horses, anything that traverses the park with their own body. Wheels include stupid bikers, scooters, skate boarders, kids in strollers. I have a specific plan for how I will destroy each one of them (even you, Unicycle guy whom I really do love, sorry!).
No, Anne! You have to pick a side, either Wheels (BOO!) or Feet (Yay!) there is no crossing enemy lines. And I like that you'd join me, I truly think participation would be high for this event!
I'm with you on patchouli, and I extend my enmity to people who sell or wear it.
Also: people who prop their feet on seats in buses and subways. I take surreptitious photos of them so I can shame them on Instagram. It doesn't solve the problem, but it's immensely satisfying.
Your response got me thinking about WHY I dislike patchouli, Nancy and I think its because its the only fragrance I know that is also a political statement. It's like someone shoving a bumper sticker up your nose!
Those who leave their shopping carts in the middle of the lot.....Don't refill the ice trays....Take the last cup of coffee at 8am and don't make more....Use their car horns excessively...Stare at their phones when the light turns green....Let their dogs bark all day...Leave their trash bag in the hallway until the next time they leave...Talk on the phone in front of the cashier.....
I could list a hundred more, but that short list felt really good to vent out :)
Well done on the survey and I'm with you - Didn't read any genuine hate in there. Just peeves and irritants. In NYC that gives me hope.
No hate—just peeves and irritants, that's good way to put it Steve!
And as a recovering inconsiderate person, btw, I can tell you that the behaviors you mention are not the product of malice or even entitlement. It's more this weird blind spot—just not being aware of the existence of others. It's like living in a universe inhabited by just one person!
My worst enemy is this guy who I used to see at the park district gym pretty often maybe 13-14 years ago. He would come in, use a machine for a minute or two, wander around, use another machine for a minute or two, and continue this for maybe 30 minutes...and then he'd leave. It was so perplexing to the point where it became super annoying, and I anointed him my mortal enemy. And so he has been my enemy since then, even though I haven't seen him in over a decade. If I saw him out and about now, I'd definitely shake my fist at him (in my head, of course).
I'll be honest, I might have had a sighting of this guy a few years ago, and it threw me into a brief tizzy, and it only strengthened my distaste for him.
My father had ongoing feuds with the US postal service (those bastards are stealing my mail) and the phone company (luckily the pharmacy across the street had a payphone for the months his boycott meant our line was dead). My mother's feuds were more subtle. My siblings and I could tell within seconds that she despised the person with whom she was having a friendly chat, they never knew. With parents that devoted themselves to the art of cultivating enemies, you might think my list would be long. But Im tired. Also, as an adult I crossed paths with a bully from 6th grade. He had tormented me relentlessly. He stopped me and apologized sincerely for what he had done. It is not easy to admit being wrong and it is hard to apologize, I accepted. Having enemies feels different after that.
He told me that he had suffered a lot in his childhood. We had lived in the same apartment complex, so I knew he was the oldest child raised by an unhappy single mother. He said that as an adult he began spiritual studies and realized he had taken out his pain on me. He said he was truly sorry. The way he carried himself and spoke to me felt genuine. After I accepted his apology, i continued with my day. I never saw him again. But it was an exchange that held great meaning for me.
Oh! And my worst enemy is the people who pick up after their dog and leave the little plastic poop bag on the trail or street! Seriously! At least the poop is biodegradable!
Oh, man, I had so many that I got paralyzed with options, even when taking politics off the table. The positive-affirmation graffiti is definitely in the top 5, though. There is one about true romance or something that really gets my blood boiling. Then there are the last-minute merge "drivers" at exit 31 of the BQE. IYKYK. And I will never forgive the guy on the fat-tired ebike (already a trigger) who screamed at me for going the wrong way on the bike path while it was under construction, though it turns out, HE was going the wrong way. That was at least 4 years ago. Ok, maybe I should join the I am my own worst enemy crowd...
The exit off the FDR for the Brooklyn Bridge is also a primo last-minute merge festival, as you likely know, Mr. Stephenson. But unlike you, I have a weird admiration for these people. What are they thinking? I would love to do that survey.
Like this lady at JFK a couple weeks ago. There was a 40-minute wait at security and a mile-long line looping through the maze and she just barreled through with her carry-on shouting IM GOING TO MISS MY FLIGHT and everyone let her by. Just incredible!
Last thing, I am always annoyed at the folks going the wrong way in the bike lane only to realize that I AM THE ONE going the wrong way. So maybe I am that guy!!!
The FDR people are 10 times less loathsome than the BQE miscreants. Sitting in gridlock traffic while these predominantly Tesla driving sociopaths cut in at the last minute js the equivalent of watching 17 JFK ladies though ram through security though, in their case, there’s no threat of a missed flight.
Oh, golf umbrellas should for sure be banned on city sidewwalks, Ben. Except for the fact that they make me laugh every time I see them. I should do a survey just on the urban golf umbrella crowd. What are they thinking?
I am getting stoked just thinking about all the people and things that piss me off! My day started with the low frequency vibrations from my neighbor’s HVAC. Now I’m sitting in Downtown Brooklyn listening to the oppressive rumble of oversized HVAC units cooling grills, etc., in the DeKalb Market. Music blares from the Jefe bar, etc., etc. I hate this shit! It’s Monday night! It’s not even summer!
I’m left with two unanswerable questions. 1.) What does the Naked Cowboy consider himself so ambitious about? He’s been doing the same thing all day, every day for I don’t know how many years. 2.) Who could possibly have that much of a problem with Kumail Nanjiani?
My worst enemy used to be that f—ing guy at work, but he got fired. Now it’s the Substack algorithm.
Substack algorithm! Good one Chris. And it USED to be my best friend!
As for the Naked Cowboy I think it is the fact that he is now 54 and still plays in Times Square in his underwear every single day of the week regardless of blizzard or 95 degree heat or whatever. I think maintaining the status quo is ambitious enough.
The Kumail Nanjiani mention was accompanied by an mini rant which I won't post here because bad karma, but if you email me I can send it to you.
"My favorites, however, were the folks who named the most picayune annoyance as their enemy number one."
Loved this whole post, Anne, and learning a new word! Also the quotes you chose were brilliant.
You don't have to be a New Yorker to relate to these answers. So many good ones.
I live on the same Manhattan street as a woman who feeds pigeons every day - big bags - copious amounts - both ends of the block. She and they annoy me.
As for enemies, I had one many years ago and plan on writing about her. Thanks for the inspiration!
looove reading these responses! My worst enemy is anyone who plays their music (or even worse, their TikToks or game) out loud on public transit (including when they have headphones that don't really work so I can still hear it)
I hear you, Ms.DeVoto (haha). Though I have to admit I kind of love the folks who blast their music in the parks or from their cars and bicycles as they cruise down the streets in the summertime. It makes the city feel a little like a movie, and a little out of control.
Agreed that's different!! I think it's different when it's outdoors compared to in an enclosed space like a subway car
"Who—or what—is your worst enemy? Share your enmity in the comments!"
All those Americans who chant, "USA! USA!" The cheapest sort of pride is national pride and it leads to what we had in 1930's Germany and what we have in 2026.
"“That F—ing Guy at Work,” was how one Manhattan professor referred to his worst enemy."
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That can serve as a template!! "That F----ing Guy at __________"
"Of course I asked him to reveal his own enemy number one. “You,” he declared."
Like the songs says, "You always hurt the one you love!" You ain't foolin' nobody, Aharon!!
https://youtu.be/ANbkNhU4VSY?si=OQfPCX58LnaeXowy
hurts so good...
“If you have no enemies, you have no character.”
— Paul Newman
WOW!!! That's a consolation!! More like a rationalization!!
I must have "character" in Spades!! Aharon too!!!
"You can’t just approach a stranger on the street, ask them to reveal their worst enemy, thank them and walk away. They will want to explain, or perhaps relate their life story. One person started to cry."
Awwww!!! That's why I comment so much, because I want to relate my life story in the hope that it makes others appreciate their own life story in comparison!
That's a lie; I do it for ego. My life IS THE STANDARD!! Just like Cafe Anne is the standard!
OMG this may be my favorite comment from you ever, JRB.
true self-awareness from the Judge :)
“Men!” said one schoolteacher relaxing in Bryant Park. “How long have you felt that way?” I asked. “Since I turned gay!” she said.'
BEST ANSWER!!! If I had daughters I would tell them to settle down with another woman. Men are f---ers.
"200 New Yorkers Reveal: Their Worst Enemy!" LOVED the image!!!
"Issue #200 of CAFÉ ANNE!" Where are all the "naysayers" now??!!!!
The 1st airplane flight at Kittyhawk" ??!! Pales in comparison!!
The 1st smartphone?!! I fart in your general direction!!!
Issue #200 is the standard now!!!!
Yeah! Did Apple produce 200 iPhones? I DONT THINK SO!!!
although they were highly curated :)
Hahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Apple: https://youtu.be/FWBUl7oT9sA?si=A8LCwROa1tYDllXZ&t=5
Answer: "F--K No!"
Apple: https://youtu.be/FWBUl7oT9sA?si=A8LCwROa1tYDllXZ&t=5
I would imagine modern youth and influencers could readily be marketed elderberry tea as long as they curate their photos of the teacup on Instagram. See what I did there :)
You farted in their general direction??? LOL!!!
Loved this! I hate people who put their dog’s poop in the plastic poop bag and then LEAVE THE BAG on the sidewalk for someone else to dispose of! The nerve!
Candace, Toni posted the exact same comment seconds before (or after?) you. See above. You two should form a posse!
Great minds think alike- lol!
My worst enemy? Probably my dad. But that would imply that I care enough about him to have him in my heart as an enemy, and, honestly, meh. He's just a miserable, lonely old man who got the future he deserved.
Otherwise? Probably anyone who doesn't understand that more rights for second class citizens isn't fewer rights for them. It's not a fucking PIE, Brenda!
I was surprised that in my survey no one mentioned a parent, Justin. Because I think you likely have plenty of company.
Now I want me some pie!
Great responses! I have an enemy group that I complain about ALL the time: People on WHEELS at Prospect Park. I'm a walker, I go there at least 5x a week and get to movin, the people on bikes swerve in and out of the walk lane all the time, but if you are crossing the street, or even look like you are putting one toenail into the bike lane, they go insane and start yelling, they are entitled asses who make things more dangerous for everyone. Also kids on scooters (I'm a Mom who had two kids on scooters), people on skateboards zooming in and out, the whole lot of the Wheels.
I have a fantasy plan that I talk about all the time, where one day a year FEET and WHEELS come together on the great lawn in early October and have an hour long, no holds barred battle. Feet side is all walkers, runners, kids not in strollers, the drummers, stoners, dogs, horses, anything that traverses the park with their own body. Wheels include stupid bikers, scooters, skate boarders, kids in strollers. I have a specific plan for how I will destroy each one of them (even you, Unicycle guy whom I really do love, sorry!).
Oh man I would definitely participate in this event, Rebecca, on both sides!
And thank you for reminding me of unicycle guy. For sure another entry on my enemies list.
No, Anne! You have to pick a side, either Wheels (BOO!) or Feet (Yay!) there is no crossing enemy lines. And I like that you'd join me, I truly think participation would be high for this event!
I'm with you on patchouli, and I extend my enmity to people who sell or wear it.
Also: people who prop their feet on seats in buses and subways. I take surreptitious photos of them so I can shame them on Instagram. It doesn't solve the problem, but it's immensely satisfying.
Thank you for this Two Minutes Hate!
Your response got me thinking about WHY I dislike patchouli, Nancy and I think its because its the only fragrance I know that is also a political statement. It's like someone shoving a bumper sticker up your nose!
Oh Anne - Now you've done it...I'm triggered!
People. Entitled People are the enemy!
Those who leave their shopping carts in the middle of the lot.....Don't refill the ice trays....Take the last cup of coffee at 8am and don't make more....Use their car horns excessively...Stare at their phones when the light turns green....Let their dogs bark all day...Leave their trash bag in the hallway until the next time they leave...Talk on the phone in front of the cashier.....
I could list a hundred more, but that short list felt really good to vent out :)
Well done on the survey and I'm with you - Didn't read any genuine hate in there. Just peeves and irritants. In NYC that gives me hope.
Steve
No hate—just peeves and irritants, that's good way to put it Steve!
And as a recovering inconsiderate person, btw, I can tell you that the behaviors you mention are not the product of malice or even entitlement. It's more this weird blind spot—just not being aware of the existence of others. It's like living in a universe inhabited by just one person!
My worst enemy is this guy who I used to see at the park district gym pretty often maybe 13-14 years ago. He would come in, use a machine for a minute or two, wander around, use another machine for a minute or two, and continue this for maybe 30 minutes...and then he'd leave. It was so perplexing to the point where it became super annoying, and I anointed him my mortal enemy. And so he has been my enemy since then, even though I haven't seen him in over a decade. If I saw him out and about now, I'd definitely shake my fist at him (in my head, of course).
Okay Steve you win the CAFÉ ANNE Best Enemy award! I especially love that it still takes up space in your head despite all the time gone by.
I agree, that’s full commitment to an enemy and I’m here for it.
I'll be honest, I might have had a sighting of this guy a few years ago, and it threw me into a brief tizzy, and it only strengthened my distaste for him.
YESSSSSS. I am so happy to hear that all of the animosity I have been holding inside for this guy hasn't been all for naught.
My father had ongoing feuds with the US postal service (those bastards are stealing my mail) and the phone company (luckily the pharmacy across the street had a payphone for the months his boycott meant our line was dead). My mother's feuds were more subtle. My siblings and I could tell within seconds that she despised the person with whom she was having a friendly chat, they never knew. With parents that devoted themselves to the art of cultivating enemies, you might think my list would be long. But Im tired. Also, as an adult I crossed paths with a bully from 6th grade. He had tormented me relentlessly. He stopped me and apologized sincerely for what he had done. It is not easy to admit being wrong and it is hard to apologize, I accepted. Having enemies feels different after that.
That is a remarkable story about the sixth grade bully, Liz. I wonder how many he's apologized to over the years. And what was his turning point?
He told me that he had suffered a lot in his childhood. We had lived in the same apartment complex, so I knew he was the oldest child raised by an unhappy single mother. He said that as an adult he began spiritual studies and realized he had taken out his pain on me. He said he was truly sorry. The way he carried himself and spoke to me felt genuine. After I accepted his apology, i continued with my day. I never saw him again. But it was an exchange that held great meaning for me.
Oh! And my worst enemy is the people who pick up after their dog and leave the little plastic poop bag on the trail or street! Seriously! At least the poop is biodegradable!
Oh, Toni….I am with you 100% on this! Better to just leave the poop than leave it in a plastic bag!!
Yes, that crucial second step, Toni!
Oh, man, I had so many that I got paralyzed with options, even when taking politics off the table. The positive-affirmation graffiti is definitely in the top 5, though. There is one about true romance or something that really gets my blood boiling. Then there are the last-minute merge "drivers" at exit 31 of the BQE. IYKYK. And I will never forgive the guy on the fat-tired ebike (already a trigger) who screamed at me for going the wrong way on the bike path while it was under construction, though it turns out, HE was going the wrong way. That was at least 4 years ago. Ok, maybe I should join the I am my own worst enemy crowd...
The exit off the FDR for the Brooklyn Bridge is also a primo last-minute merge festival, as you likely know, Mr. Stephenson. But unlike you, I have a weird admiration for these people. What are they thinking? I would love to do that survey.
Like this lady at JFK a couple weeks ago. There was a 40-minute wait at security and a mile-long line looping through the maze and she just barreled through with her carry-on shouting IM GOING TO MISS MY FLIGHT and everyone let her by. Just incredible!
Last thing, I am always annoyed at the folks going the wrong way in the bike lane only to realize that I AM THE ONE going the wrong way. So maybe I am that guy!!!
The FDR people are 10 times less loathsome than the BQE miscreants. Sitting in gridlock traffic while these predominantly Tesla driving sociopaths cut in at the last minute js the equivalent of watching 17 JFK ladies though ram through security though, in their case, there’s no threat of a missed flight.
“Tommy” is Tommy Kane, an amazing artist & the guy behind the famous Madden shoe ads. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=P9jbaApwFWc
Oh wow! He gave me his card, Marisa, so I had some idea of his situation. But I had no idea he was the man behind the Girls With the Giant Heads!
Strollers in museums! People who use golf umbrellas on NYC sidewalks!
Oh, golf umbrellas should for sure be banned on city sidewwalks, Ben. Except for the fact that they make me laugh every time I see them. I should do a survey just on the urban golf umbrella crowd. What are they thinking?
I know, they are not thinking.
I am getting stoked just thinking about all the people and things that piss me off! My day started with the low frequency vibrations from my neighbor’s HVAC. Now I’m sitting in Downtown Brooklyn listening to the oppressive rumble of oversized HVAC units cooling grills, etc., in the DeKalb Market. Music blares from the Jefe bar, etc., etc. I hate this shit! It’s Monday night! It’s not even summer!
And…. Congratulations on your 200th edition! 😁
Thank you Anita! And I love picturing you in DeKalb market cursing the stupid stupid music under your breath.
First, congratulations on #200! That’s amazing.
I’m left with two unanswerable questions. 1.) What does the Naked Cowboy consider himself so ambitious about? He’s been doing the same thing all day, every day for I don’t know how many years. 2.) Who could possibly have that much of a problem with Kumail Nanjiani?
My worst enemy used to be that f—ing guy at work, but he got fired. Now it’s the Substack algorithm.
Substack algorithm! Good one Chris. And it USED to be my best friend!
As for the Naked Cowboy I think it is the fact that he is now 54 and still plays in Times Square in his underwear every single day of the week regardless of blizzard or 95 degree heat or whatever. I think maintaining the status quo is ambitious enough.
The Kumail Nanjiani mention was accompanied by an mini rant which I won't post here because bad karma, but if you email me I can send it to you.
Ah, that makes sense about the Naked Cowboy. I didn't realize he even goes out in blizzards—yikes!
I appreciate your offer to send the Kumail rant, but it sounds like something that should probably be left alone!
"My favorites, however, were the folks who named the most picayune annoyance as their enemy number one."
Loved this whole post, Anne, and learning a new word! Also the quotes you chose were brilliant.
You don't have to be a New Yorker to relate to these answers. So many good ones.
I live on the same Manhattan street as a woman who feeds pigeons every day - big bags - copious amounts - both ends of the block. She and they annoy me.
As for enemies, I had one many years ago and plan on writing about her. Thanks for the inspiration!
Haha delighted to hear I inspired a revenge tale, Petra.
Its so funny what bugs people. I loves me a good pigeon lady—and pigeons too! But I can see how it might get out of hand...
They are the best fed pigeons in the city! A thriving community. I suppose she has made me more tolerant.
Hilarious— purple, the swimmer…
Sad— regrets, time, blamers…
Inspiring— those who took responsibility for themselves!!
PEOPLE