Bodega Worker Predictions for 2023!
Plus! NYC's $20,000 Guinea Pig Tower!! CAFÉ ANNE Quarterly Report!!!
Hello everyone,
Welcome to Issue #56 of CAFÉ ANNE!
As usual, last issue’s feature recounting the bizarre city council hearing on NYC’s proposed guinea ban raised more questions than it answered. Many took note of the Manhattan veterinarian who testified that guinea pig neutering is one of the two surgeries that make him question his choice of profession. Reader Meredith in Hyde Park, NY had a request: “Can you find out WHAT IS THE OTHER PROCEDURE that has that vet questioning his life choices?”
Sorry Meredith—the vet in question has so far declined to respond to my calls and emails. Industry sources describe him as “elusive.” But I shan’t give up. I have a secret contact who is doing her best to wrangle me an interview.
I did, however, get the scoop on the city’s recent purchase of a $20,000 guinea pig tower, another oddity mentioned at the hearing that spurred a lot of reader curiosity. Please see my findings below.
Also in this issue—my second annual NYC Bodega Worker Predictions for 2023. Plus, a CAFÉ ANNE quarterly update. Please enjoy.
Regards!
Anne
PS I would be horribly remiss if I did not thank the newest paid subscribers: Alice R., David M., Rebecca D., Ned, Lawrence G., Makoto K., and Adrian. How do I love thee? At least $50 worth!
SPECIAL REPORT
Inside NYC’s Guinea Pig Tower!
After covering a city council hearing on the proposed ban on guinea pigs sales in New York City, I was surprised that readers had few comments about the strange antics of our elected officials at the hearing, or the merits of the proposal itself. Instead, they demanded more information about the $20,000 tower that NYC’s Animal Care Centers (aka the city pound) recently purchased to house the hundreds of guinea pigs abandoned at shelters in the wake of the pandemic.
The top comment, from subscriber LH Reader:
“I like to personally imagine that the $25k Guinea pig tower is designed to look like the Empire State Building and that there’s a Guinea pig doorman, and an elevator operator who takes all the others to their proper floor where their apartment is located.
I think it’s Anne’s journalistic responsibility as a ‘silly blogger’ to find out more about this tower.”
I was delighted, then, when ACC spokesperson Katy Hansen agreed last week to a quick interview about the tower.
The agency bought the residence last spring from a manufacturer that specializes in animal housing, including dog kennels. Before that, said Ms. Hansen, the guinea pigs were housed in rabbit condos.
“It’s so funny, these names right?” she said. “It sounds like we’re a big real estate magnate.”
Ms. Hansen, who clarified that the dwelling cost $20,000, not the $25,000 reported at the hearing, provided photos of the tower, which is situated in the rabbit room of the ACC’s Harlem location.
The abode, which is five stories tall and four units wide, is composed of racks and sliding drawers. Sadly, it does not look anything like the Empire State Building.
Amenities in each of the tower’s 20 units include food and water dispensers, cardboard, straw and a little fort for the rodents to play house in.
I asked Ms. Hansen if the tower had a doorman.
“There’s obviously not a doorman,” she said.
I asked if the upper floors are considered more desirable—like in a Manhattan apartment building.
“I don’t know how to answer that, sorry,” said Ms. Hansen.
It was her first morning back at work after the holiday break, it turns out. I know the feeling!
Ms. Hansen did tell me that each unit can hold up to five guinea pigs, though you can’t pair up rodents who are strangers because they may not get along. Also, there’s also a good chance they could multiply.
The ACC currently has 75 guinea pigs available for adoption. Most are currently living in the Manhattan tower, but some are residing at the agency’s Staten Island and Brooklyn centers.
The tower is not intended as an extended-stay facility of course—there’s no gym, pool or community lounge, for instance. For those interested in taking a guinea pig home (as a pet, not to eat!), the ACC is offering a Virtual Rabbit and Guinea Pig Foster Orientation on Saturday, January 29 at 1:30 pm. You can register here.
FEATURE
Bodega Worker Predictions for 2023!
What’s in store for 2023? Who would know better than Brooklyn’s bodega workers? The guys at the city’s corner convenience stores talk to everybody.
This is my second annual bodega worker survey. Reviewing last year’s round up, I was happy to discover that 2022’s forecasters did well, accurately predicting less Covid, more inflation and falling crime rates. So you can be confident that the predictions and advice that follow are 100% reliable. Never mind the fact that they sometimes contradict each other.
Please note that the interviews have been edited and condensed so they aren’t totally nonsensical and a zillion words long.
Nelson Martinez, Martinez Grocery
Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn
Do you think the year ahead will be a good one for your business?
I hope it’s a good year, yes. Every year gets tougher and tougher because the rents go up. Everything going up, including the merchandise.
What do you think will happen with inflation?
Around here, you don’t feel it that much, the inflation, because people around here they have money. They buy the thing that they need. If I put a dollar extra on anything, it’s okay. They understand.
What will the stock market do this year?
No idea about stock market.
How about Bitcoin?
No idea about Bitcoin, no.
What would be a good investment for 2023, if you had an extra $10,000?
I would expand the business maybe. Maybe if I was younger, yes. Try to do hot breakfast. I don’t do that right now.
What will be the new fashion trend?
Fashion? Ask my wife. I buy shoes that I like, that is comfortable. But I don’t care about fashion, no.
Wife: (From behind the counter): What I think? Everything! Everything! They change everything!
Will the robots take over this year?
No idea either. I’m 64 years and I act like 64. I don’t like no computers. I’m a simple guy. No follow anything on Facebook, no. Simple life!
Any life advice for people in 2023?
Work hard, save your money.
What’s unusual about your store that I should take a photo of?
The special of my place is the way I treat the people. Every store has almost the same thing, but the people come for the way I treat them.
Well, if you’re the main attraction here, can I take your photo?
Of course!
Lisa, Lemontree grocery
Cobble Hill
Lisa was sitting behind the register tapping at her laptop, wearing a NY Yankees cap and a sweatshirt that said, “NOTHING SHORT OF TOTAL WAR." She didn’t want to be photographed (“I don’t look good today!”) so I took a shot of the store and its official bodega cat, Charlie.
Is this a family business?
Yes I’m the daughter of the two owners.
Will 2023 be good for the business?
I hope so, because we built close relationships with customers over the pandemic. It’s kind of like simmered down, but there’s still an increase in “support your local businesses!” that we’re grateful for.
What’s in store for inflation?
I do think there will be more price hikes. The biggest issue we have is our customers tend to complain about our prices a lot. We can’t compete with Target, BJs, Costco.
[As if on cue, a customer came to the counter with a can of Reddi-Wip and expressed horror at the price—$7.99. Lisa just nodded in acknowledgement.]
What is the next big food trend?
A rise in Asian snacks. Everyone’s eating the seaweed snacks, like dried seaweed paper. The Pocky [cookie sticks], the Hello Panda crackers.
What’s the next hot fashion trend?
I’m into fashion. We’re seeing a transition into subversive core and Gorpcore. G-O-R-P. Everybody just dresses like they’re hiking!
What does “GORP” stand for?
I have no idea. But if you look it up on Google, everyone just looks like they’re about to go on a hike.
[Note: I Googled this as soon as I got home. The term “Gorpcore" is based on the colloquial term for trail mix—“Good Ol' Raisins and Peanuts.” Can you believe the kids these days?]
What’s the next hot NYC neighborhood?
I definitely feel a lot of people are branching off into Queens—Astoria specifically. It’s having a come-up. Nobody I know hangs out in Manhattan anymore.
What will people be doing with the Metaverse and AI?
I’m friends with a lot of students and they are starting to use AI to help them with their coursework.
Are they using ChatGPT?
I think so. They’re having it write papers for them. It’s crazy! When I was an undergrad, I was always slaving over a paper for ten hours. This is crazy to me.
Will the robots take over this year?
I hope not. I’m terrified of robots taking over. But I do think somebody’s going to release something that will prove robots are terrifying.
Do you have new year’s resolution for yourself?
To be able to advocate for myself. Just being in customer service, the interaction I had just now, all I can do is smile and laugh about it. I don’t control the prices. It’s not like they put the burden on me, but I do feel horrible you have to pay $7.99 for a bottle of whipped cream.
I should be more mindful of that. I’m always having these big reactions to the prices, but maybe people like you are tired of hearing about it for the 200th time.
Maybe it’s just a me thing. But I honestly don’t think there’s any way for me to advocate for myself. There was one time a customer complained about the price for medicine. I just told her straight up, “Well, you can go to the Rite-Aid on Smith Street.” She came in the next day to report to my mom that I was being rude.
I’m not a fan of that lady!
Me neither. We have a lot of crazy customer interactions and you can’t really say anything. We need that money to survive. We just stand here and take it. I’ve seen customers abuse my mother and father. That’s not nice to see either, but you just sort of keep your head down and roll with the punches.
What advice do you have for people in 2023?
Remember that you’re talking to real people, know what I mean? I think in the pandemic, people just forgot how to interact with other people respectfully. Just be mindful of the way you speak to people. That’s my advice for 2023.
Zaid Ali Hussain, New Saba Deli & Grocery
Fort Greene
Do you think 2023 will be a good year for your business?
We have many headaches, not easy. Every month I make $1000, $1500 for me. I work in the morning, four o’clock—to nine o’ clock at night. Every day. All week. Sometimes I can only sleep two hours. I don’t have time to go the hospital.
We have children come in, and people come in. They are hungry. You want to cry. What can I do? I tell them one time, two times, I help. Or instead of you pay ten dollars, you pay eight dollars. Sometime the children from the school—they come in the morning, they come afternoon—they say, “I don’t have money.” What do I do? “Next time you come back and pay, it's okay.”
I buy the coffee, I have nice coffee. I buy the coffee $180. Now, $240 a case. Everything goes up. Bacon was $3 a pound. Now $8 a pound. You make on the grill, you lose 50 percent grease. I dunno. I work. What can I do?
What will be different in NYC this year?
Nobody happy too much. I say, “Good morning, you look good!” People say, “I’m tired.” I say, “No you look good.” People say maybe they have Corona. I say, “Listen, no have Corona. God give you power for your body. When you have something sick, you wait two days, three days, you eat food, eat food. Stop cigarette. Stop alcohol, stop everything. Your body okay. You come back, little bit, little bit.”
People say, “What is good for me?” Fresh honey. Fresh chicken. Fish.
But people no happy. Everybody angry. Too much Corona, too much cough, achoo, achoo! The people look not happy. The TV, the radio, the news. The people, they lose their mind after Corona. Go cuckoo!
Haha I think you’re right!
Yeah, many people. What happened? Okay, God give you your life! Don’t worry!
Jay Patel, Apple Gourmet Farm
Boerum Hill, Brooklyn
Will 2023 be good for business?
I’m not sure about that because the virus still keeps coming back. And there are shortages. Some products aren’t coming that people want.
If you order 100%, you get maybe 80% of the product in the store. 15 to 20% of the product is short in the market.
You mean 15-20% of the products you order, you still can’t get? What’s a specific example?
Say a chocolate. They [the manufacturer] have a most popular type—milk chocolate, milk chocolate almond. Same with ice cream. Those type of products. People see it, they grab it. And if we don’t have it, they leave the store. So we’re losing business.
If you had an extra $50,000 to invest, how would you invest it this year?
We need to remodel the store. But I can’t because I don’t make money like that.
Some people actually like older stores. The old bodega. But some people don’t like it. So I need to make a lot of money and make it more fancy.
Will this be a good year for New York City?
They’re trying to do more to reduce crime. I think maybe 2023 is more safer. They need a little while to fix it.
Do you have a resolution or goal for this year?
This year I’d like to travel. Florida! Orlando. And improve the business. If a customer needs something and we can’t get it, we will go to the supermarket and get it and give it to them.
Wow, that’s a lot of work!
Yeah, it’s a lot of work.
Sergio Mora, Brooklyn Heights Deli
Brooklyn Heights
My last stop was to visit Sergio Mora, manager of the Brooklyn Heights Deli. Of all the bodega workers I interviewed in 2022, he was one guy I returned to, because ALL his predictions came true!
So one year ago, you predicted inflation would rise about 10 percent. You said to invest in commodities and gold, and both shot up in the spring. You said Bay Ridge would be a hot neighborhood, and that was true. So you got everything right!
Hmm! I’m glad!
So here’s my questions for 2023: will there be more war or more peace this year?
I believe more peace. The war is on the other side of the world. Not here. Here it will be peaceful.
Is there going to be a big recession?
No. It should be alright.
What will happen with inflation this year?
It’s going to go down. It will drop 50%.
What foods will be popular?
I would say us! Always! The sandwiches.
What will be different in New York City this year?
Nothing! Everything will be the same.
I like that! We’ve had enough change lately. What’s the next hot New York City neighborhood?
Staten Island. People are moving out of here and buying houses on Staten Island.
What will be the best investment in 2023?
A house. Real estate.
Maybe on Staten Island!
Yes!
QUARTERLY REPORT
The Café is Getting Crowded!
2022 was not only the first full year in existence for CAFÉ ANNE, it was the newsletter’s best year ever! After launching in October 2021 with 70 subscribers, it reached 800 subscribers by the start of 2022, and it’s grown to 5,200 as of January 1. That’s a 550% increase. I sort of can’t believe it!
I’m grateful for the way you have been sharing CAFÉ ANNE in your own newsletters, on the social medias and with your friends. Like everyone who is not a total psychopath, I am not so good at the self-promotion, so I really depend you all pitching in. Thank you!
But what really makes me happy is the little community that’s been forming in the comments section. I love hearing from both new folks and the regulars who add their own strange facts, experiences and insights to the conversation. Every week, the comments make me laugh and laugh.
In practical terms, CAFÉ ANNE is still an absurd endeavor, of course. Nothing is behind a paywall, so everyone who pays for a subscription does so just to be a sweetheart and support the newsletter. As of January 1, the newsletter had 200 paid subscribers, aka the people who will get into the heaven of their choice.
That means CAFÉ ANNE is now earning about $11,000 a year. Which is good! Except it takes roughly 20 hours a week to produce the newsletter, which is time taken away from my freelance writing, so I still have to steal from my retirement savings every month to pay the bills. I’m hoping that paid subscriptions increase enough this year that I can stop robbing Future Anne to subsidize Current Anne. Fingers crossed!
To that end, I’m also looking for a SPONSOR—an outfit that wants to run a little ad in CAFÉ ANNE every week. Ideally, it’d be a NYC-based business, but I’m flexible! Nothing wrong with Kansas, as Mayor Eric Adams knows. What I do require is that the biz offer a product or service that is truly awesome. It should also share the CAFÉ ANNE ethos of EVERYBODY WELCOME. So, you know, Soho House or Jean-Georges just won’t cut it.
Ideas? Leads? Email me at annekadet@yahoo.com.
And thanks as always for your support!
CAFÉ ANNE is a free weekly newsletter created by Brooklyn journalist Anne Kadet. Subscribe to get the latest issue every Monday!
I’m trying to get to the Bogoda Worker predictions, but I can’t seem to move past the fact that someone paid $20K for THAT. That’s what cost $20K?!?! And it houses a maximum of 100 rodents at a time??? Unbelievable!
It's truly amazing to me how much fascinating hilarious great stuff you fit into every single one of these newsletters! I love them!