81 Comments

I’m trying to get to the Bogoda Worker predictions, but I can’t seem to move past the fact that someone paid $20K for THAT. That’s what cost $20K?!?! And it houses a maximum of 100 rodents at a time??? Unbelievable!

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Hmm. Maybe we should give the guinea pigs vouchers and let them find their own housing?

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And that, beloved Ms Kadet, is why I subscribe to YOUR newsletter and why I wanted to send $500 I don't have to Zaid Ali Hussain of the New Saba Deli & Grocery to cover a week's worth of the sandwiches he gives to his customers. My next painting is going to be of the residents of Manhattan's Guinea Pig Tower, AKA Casa Quwi.

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LOL Therry if you actually paint that painting please send image so I can include in the newsletter!

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There is so much inspiration on this platform if you have your eyes open! I am hoping to become a painter and to here you have a fun post like this as inspiration is just fantastic. I will be starting slow with adult paint by number so I suppose that doesn't even count. What I do seem to notice as a pattern is painters seem to be happy (at least my small sample size!)

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Mark, I'm about to turn 75, I studied art history in college during the PreCambrian geological Era, and when we retired to this small city in Western. VIrginia I started taking art lessons. I have one word of advice for you: mixed media acrylic. And start with collage.

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I want to be a painter when I grow up too!

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Jan 12, 2023·edited Jan 12, 2023Liked by Anne Kadet

You are multi-talented -- your writing is amazing, you are a singer-songwriter. Painting is just what comes next I guess.

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THANK YOU. The hardest thing is to start something I think. I just turned 62. All is know is I want to try some new things -- I'm always happiest when I do. Now I can walk into a store and sound like I know what I'm talking about :) "mixed media acrylics" -- I wrote a story way back about rocks in western VA -- beautiful part of the country. PS like that you are willing to try geology humor.

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OMG!! BEST COMMENT EVER!!

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It's in New York City!! Real estate is through the roof!!

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Excellent point JRB!

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Two words: New York.

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My thoughts exactly, Holly. A cursory search on Amazon shows plenty of options at a tenth of the price while each plastic container pictured here costs $1,000. A THOUSAND DOLLARS!

It's not hard to figure out what's happening here. In my opinion, the person in charge of buying this for the city is either an imbecile or a crook....probably both and got paid a tidy sum for approving the purchase.

By the way, they are still trying to figure out where the $850,000,000 has gone that was given to de Blasio's wife, Chirlane for her ThriveNYC program.

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Please if you won't listen to me, a former animal worker at a cancer research facility, solicit the opinion of a vet who handles small animals in research and breeding facilities. The guinea pig tower is not housing for pets. It is crucial animal handling for small mammals to keep them healthy in large numbers with as few human employees as possible. What's a lot more expensive that that equipment would be to use cheap substandard equipment meaning hire a lot more specialized workers for much more than 20K annually and also pay in decreased health and much higher mortality for the little animals. Euthanizing the animals because you can't handle them properly (and by that I mean wholesale them to a bbq joint so this is not a vegan argument) would be a better alternative than keeping them in conditions that amount to the same thing only slowly and gruesomely. It's not their fault, after all. Please ask a vet. Thank you.

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Bless you and thank you. The painting of Casa Quwi is now going to include the figure of a veterinarian breathing more easily as these sentient and cuddly little creatures live another day.

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Buy cheap sell dear. The merchant's pledge. Though this deal stinks like unflushed toilets for the Air Force (remember that?). Anyway, someone now just has to do a real tower; we'll all wanting to see it. They could have hamster-powered elevators. The down side would be that there would be a population explosion every time the hamsters went on strike and the elevator got stuck between floors. Rodential Resedence.

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Lol. Clearly what is needed is not just Therry's painting but a whole graphic novel.

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It's truly amazing to me how much fascinating hilarious great stuff you fit into every single one of these newsletters! I love them!

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Awww thank you Chris! You made my day!

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I MORE than agree!!

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The Bodega workers predictions are brilliant. So enjoyable. Thank you.

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Thank you Nolan! Very glad you enjoyed!

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Nolan, are you looking to retain Sergio Mora as a financial advisor? I sure am! I even looked up his phone number.

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Jan 9, 2023Liked by Anne Kadet

The best part of this week:

“What will be different in New York City this year?

Nothing! Everything will be the same.”

Believe it, baby.

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I am SO READY for NOTHING CHANGING!

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Jan 9, 2023Liked by Anne Kadet

Damn, bodega workers make $1500 a month? Is he the owner too? I'm not sure how anyone in NYC can survive on that. You can't even pay the rent. I should be thankful for my own situation. I shouldn't complain about anything!

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Yes he is the owner too. I think, from what I've learned in my reporting over the years, that there are plenty of New Yorkers, especially small biz owners, squeaking by on very, very little. It can be done, being poor--the logistics of getting by--is almost a a full-time job in itself.

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Everyone is trying their best to overcome the odds. As the character Rachel Cooper said in the movie, The Night of the Hunter, “It’s a hard world for little things.”

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The finances in this post are mind-boggling! Like, 20k for Guinea pigs but Bodega owners make considerably less than that in a year! Not to mention what you’re making from Cafe Anne. Priorities, people!

Also: congrats on your meteoric rise! It’s entirely deserved.

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Jillian you know this but I wrote a newspaper column about the NYC biz scene for a decade and it was pretty easy to make it interesting because all I had to do, in many cases, was just plug in a couple numbers detailing how much things cost!

And thanks for your kind words!

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I'm just asking: what is your proposed healthy and humane solution to the 20K spent for professional animal handling equipment? And if it is not spent, how would euthanizing a bunch of guinea pigs give bodega owners more money? To use your phrase, "logical causality, people!"

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“I was surprised that readers had few comments about the strange antics of our elected officials at the hearing” Two sides of the same coin: strange antics/elected officials

“…Guinea pig doorman, and an elevator operator who takes all the others to their proper floor where their apartment is located.” What a marvelous image!!

“…and a little fort for the rodents to play house in.” How nice! When I was knee-high to a Guinea pig, I would have to use the sofa cushions to build a fort!

“I don’t know how to answer that, sorry,” said Ms. Hansen. THAT’S THE PHRASE I’VE BEEN LOOKING FOR MY WHOLE LIFE! “I don’t know the answer to that, sorry.” So simple, yet so effective!

Grand Prize-Winning Phrase: “So you can be confident that the predictions and advice that follow are 100% reliable. Never mind the fact that they sometimes contradict each other.” Sounds exactly like financial advisors from up on Wall Street!

1st Runner-up: Wife: (From behind the counter): What I think? Everything! Everything! They change everything! Just so funny!!!!

Most interesting interview: Lisa from Lemontree grocery. Wow that young woman is wise beyond her years! Anne you need to ask her for advice on finding a sponsor; Lisa is plugged-in!

Happiest looking Bodega worker: Zaid Ali Hussain, New Saba Deli & Grocery. I would buy a $7.99 can of whipped cream from him and go away happy with my purchase. A marketing guru once told me that your customer wants two things: solutions to problems and good feelings.

**A comment is in order here: A bodega is NOT a Big-Box Store and straitjackets are available for anyone who thinks so. I had a migraine early during my 1-hour commute to work one evening and had to buy a bottle of brand-name Motrin at a gas station convenience-store to catch it in time It was something like $12.99 for 30 tablets. I could have bought a bottle of 200 generic ibuprofen at Sams Club for $7.99. But the gas station was in the right place at the right time. In the bodega and convenience-store world, it is all about LOCATION-LOCATION-LOCATION!!

Takeaway from the Bodega Worker’s predictions and Anne’s search for a sponsor: Everyone is trying their best to overcome the odds. As the character Rachel Cooper said in the movie, The Night of the Hunter, “It’s a hard world for little things.”

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JRB, when I was writing this story I thought a lot about FORTS and making forts out of cushions and cardboard boxes and blankets draped over tables, etc. I realized I was sort of jealous of the guinea pigs and their little plastic houses. But then what's to stop me from making a fort now, right in my apartment?

And I am thankful to both you and Mr. Dolan below for highlighting Ms. Hansen's quote. You're right. That is a brilliant way to handle something. Just tell the truth!!!

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We're all Guinea Pigs!! I think Guinea pigs are needed in NYC, since owning a dog presents many issues. A child may tire of the Guinea pig, which results in the abandonment, but the Guinea pig presents many teachable moments to the child. Parents and well-meaning relatives have the great joy of anticipation in giving youngsters baby chicks and the like. Really a bad idea, but that's how humans role. My grown cousin married a hillbilly and gave me and my younger brother an baby alligator one year. Nothing cuddly about it. One day, after about a month, it whipped around and bit me!! I prolly should have got a rabies shot or at least a tetanus shot, but I didn't rat-out the alligator. My brother and I just let him out of his jail. Maybe he hitched a ride to NYC and is still in the sewers???

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In deference to not ruining a good surprise, if you are liking guinea pigs, a cool book written many years ago by Jared Diamond spends a little time talking about the rascals. interesting animals and probably not a bad pet. It was pretty popular (Guns, Germs and Steel).

A few years ago we had a renter move out and he had managed to ignore our guidance on pets. First a cat, then the cat begat more cats and finally a crazy extensive habitrail that would probably work equally for guinea pigs or hamsters. His moveout included leaving all sorts of rubbish in the garage including this ridiculous habitraiil thing. I cleaned it up and put it on Craigslist. We always seemed to be selling this or that. That ridiculous set of wheels and walls and all sorts of stuff was a HOT ITEM. Finally a guy comes out with entirely too much cash and buys it all from us sight unseen mostly. He was one of three prospective buyers eventually offering more than the listing. SO WEIRD!!!! He had bought some rodent pets for his kids and all of the pet stores were sold out of the gear as was customary during the pandemic (supply chain issues :)

Your comments are always awesome and they ignite long lost memories. Thanks.

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You are far too kind! All of you on this Newsletter are so interesting! You all write so well it embarrasses me. That's a great story about the sale you made to the guy who needed a habitrail. You made a windfall of sorts and he scored a bargain at any price compared to a pet store!

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It was nearing Christmas and it seemed he had PROMISED A PET to his child. These are the buyers who the sale is not the point but rather, give a pregnant pause and just listen to a silly story. You never know when it might fit into a Substack comment thread.

It was at that time where the only choices left are at Walgreen's for the Uber-Procrastinators. His child probably would have been disappointed by another see thru candycane with Hershey kisses inside. We happened to be the right place at the right time. What I remember most about it was that we didn't have the "original packaging" of course so I had all the parts in kitchen garbage bags. It was the next stop alas.

As a landlord it turned out to be not near as bad as it could have been. We had to keep the security deposit and were able to resell some of the trash he didn't bother to remove. We try hard to be good landlords and understanding but sometimes the silliest of things unfold.

This all, leads me to memories of a refrigerator but the comment is too long already. Another time your Honor.

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HILARIOUS RE: HILLBILLY & ALLiGATORS! Reminds me of going on a swamp boat tour in Louisiana Cajun country. Simply ridiculous as the tour guide explains to us how he was "licensed to hunt alligators". You genuinely could only grasp at most every third word coming out of his mouth. Eventually we come to a Spanish Moss / Cypress tree in the swamp with a lowish hanging branch. The "hunter" has hung a raw dead piece of chicken and hoping a gator will leap from the water and get stuck on the hook of impressive size. He seems disappointed to see his trap was not successful.The range of human behavior and what is reasonable will always be something to behold.

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You are ALWAYS RICH with insight your Honor. I will present my corollary for Ms. Hansen, "I'm sorry I don't know how to answer that"...I've been using this one for years and it is pretty effective. Whenever someone says something ridiculous/outlandish/offensive, I almost always offer "I'm sorry, could you repeat that?". It is remarkable how often when people have another ten seconds to THINK about what they said, they will often withdraw or modify. Kinda funny to watch too!

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WOW!! That is a GREAT corollary!! I will use them both together!!

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I just read this again...indeed the corollary could just be an extra clause to let the nonsense continue!

I have not as yet done the topic of great sayings I've heard over the years that I absorbed (my Substack was kindly described by the Cafe lady as "eclectic"). My topics jump around with my moods I am afraid. Anyhow, I have had a list of great quotes I have heard in the past and adopted for my own use. It has been growing in my DRAFTS folder for a long time. One of these days...

One of my ABSOLUTE FAVORITES is from a South Asian gentleman I worked with for years. He attributed it to his Dad and seemed like great wisdom. Some mid-level manager was making a scene and dwelling on some small issue. My friend said "The loudest horn knows the fewest notes." Still probably my favorite expression I've ever heard in the workplace!

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I love the bodega predictions, but maybe there’s room for some competition. See what the hot dog vendors have to say about 2023, then compare notes at the end of the year to see which profession truly has its finger on the pulse of the city that never sleeps.

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That is a great idea Michael!

Also, I'd be totally remiss if I did not link to the unassailable and very funny 23 predictions for 2023 you're offering in your current newsletter:

https://michaelestrin.substack.com/p/23-predictions-for-2023

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Thank you! But I’m no bodega operator.

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GORPCORE That is just too, too enticing not to make fun of.

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I love this stuff too. People can make ANYTHING into a THING!!!

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Jan 9, 2023Liked by Anne Kadet

the idea of nothing changing this year but lower inflation - i'm here for it! def putting more stock in bodega predictions than the psychics

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Also psychics don't offer egg and cheese on a roll.

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OMG! I stand corrected. This is the funniest comment!!!

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Happy New Year. I am a big believer in Ockham's Razor, the simplest answer is often the best. Any municipality SILLY ENOUGH to authorize, pay and install little plastic pet carriers for $1000 each (20 for 20K$) is likely also to think $8 for Reddi Whip is reasonable. Based upon these silly markups, I think you can solve your stealing from retirement dilemma. Just start selling $50 subscriptions to the Cafe for $125. It seems as long as you concentrate on NYC zip codes, people will shrug and pay. Of course, if you could get placement at BJ Wholesale or Costco, they could offer the $50 membership cards for $35 but you would have to buy two :) --- This was ANOTHER in a series of entertaining tales!!!!!

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Brilliant thinking as usual as usual Mark! Happy New Year!

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If I actually was smart, I wouldn't have a free Newsletter :(

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"'There’s obviously not a doorman,' she said." - Rude.

"Work hard, save your money." - Yes.

“NOTHING SHORT OF TOTAL WAR." - Sounds about right for 2023.

Hope you had a nice holiday, Anne! Congrats on the growth!

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Thank you Emily!

Hmm I think the spokesperson was more good humored about the the doorman question than it comes off in the quote. She was a good sport!

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Zaid Ali Hussain is so wise. I LOVE this:

"When you have something sick, you wait two days, three days, you eat food, eat food. Stop cigarette. Stop alcohol, stop everything. Your body okay. You come back, little bit, little bit.”

People say, “What is good for me?” Fresh honey. Fresh chicken. Fish."

That's a recipe for futureproofing the human body right there!

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I probably don't need more encouragement to eat, Rebecca, but I loved this advice as well. :)

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HEY MONEY PEOPLE LISTEN UP !! CAFE ANNE NEEDS A SPONSOR AND IF YOU DONT DO IT I WILL BE UPSET.

If you're unwilling to sponsor, the least you can do is subscribe. With your cash. I beg you all. I feel passionately about this.

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1. All my life and I’ve never known what GORP stands for. Until now.

2. How much are eggs at these bodegas?

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Amie, I am so glad you asked so I can vent. At my last bodega stop reporting the story, it occurred to me that I was out of eggs. So after interviewing the guy, I grabbed a carton from the cooler and brought it back to the register.

He rang me up. $7.99!

And they weren't even the fancy organic, cage-free, hens raised by nuns living in your backyard eggs. They were industrial eggs in a FOAM container!!!

The worst part was that I had just interviewed the guy and he'd been so nice to chat with me, so when he rang me up I just had to smile and suck it up and pay it.

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Is everything $7.99 at a bodega or what?

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Great article, thank you. Congratulations on your growth! I hope I’m just like you when I grow up! 🤣

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Only with more sheep and more shot guns!

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