159 Comments
User's avatar
Lindsey's avatar

If subway ads become a "thing," people will just start ignoring all announcements altogether, including ones about service changes.

(The silver lining is most subway speakers sound like Charlie Brown's teacher anyway.)

Malorie's avatar

I thought about this too. You can barely understand the necessary info through most of those garbled speakers!

O L O Bunny🐰aka Kevin's avatar

It used to be the same on the London Underground 67 years ago when I used it to get to my first job. The Guard at the end of the train used to garble his messages by holding his nose and speaking through a brown paper bag. They thought it great fun, as did us regulars who used his coach because we were non-smokers. Thanks for the memory!🐰

Anne Kadet's avatar

If this is true, it makes me very happy.

O L O Bunny🐰aka Kevin's avatar

It is I promise. A couple of times, but once would have been enough! Aren’t railway station tannoy announcements always garbled?🐰

JudgeRoyBean's avatar

Luv how Charlie Brown's teacher talks!!! https://youtu.be/KFPXQkZE6hA?feature=shared

Good Humor by CK Steefel's avatar

Goodreads! I would hate to be on that list. I do have certain people I rely on for book recommends. My MIL is not one of them. I would post those. Hello Gentleman in Moscow. Ahem.

In the 80s I did a one woman show of comedic characters. One was a pretentious gal who worked at a food gallery— like an art gallery but with food. Meadow Lane is what I pictured when I wrote that monologue. Haha. It sounds like I’d be afraid to squeeze a melon there. An employee might give me the stink eye.

That bread sounds delish but I recently stopped in a small health food store in Concord and almost bought their sourdough but it was $12! I thought that was exorbitant.

I’m happy for Talia. She won the American dream. 🥰

Anne Kadet's avatar

Ah, Gentleman in Moscow. I am embarrassed at how much I enjoyed that one. But the author's later titles were excruciating. Many to include on my DNF list.

My sister-in-law is a baker and her sourdough sells for $12 in Queens. She's not getting rich! Still I am glad I don't have to pay for her delicious baked goods.

Mark Dolan's avatar

I love your taste and approach in books Anne. I have a relative who is heavily swayed by everything by Clive Staples. The books are almost always excruciating. It remains a mystery to me how someone could write "The Chronicles of Narnia" and meander toward "The Screwtape Letters" in the same lifetime. If I return to active on GoodReads, I can start with a whole bunch of Clive in the DNF list.

Anne Kadet's avatar

Thanks for the Clive Staples warning, Mark!

Mark Dolan's avatar

I cannot resist resolving people's names when they go by initials. I theorize it is often a deep resentment of the name their parents may have given them :) Why Clive Mom???

JudgeRoyBean's avatar

Ya know, Anne, what about books that you've started that you really want to finish but you get distracted by other interesting books; eg. I read something about the Algonquin Roundtable and rushed straight to eBay to buy a used book on the subject; I'm into it about 30 pages and I return to a history book about Hannibal and his War-Elephants (that's what NYC/and Aharon/REALLY needs---WAR-ELEPHANTS!!)

Good Humor by CK Steefel's avatar

Yum. I’m getting hungry.

JudgeRoyBean's avatar

Geezus Anne!! I went to your Goodreads Page got hit in the face by this: Bookshelves

All (753) Want to Read ‎(24) Currently Reading ‎(3)Read ‎(685) Did Not Finish ‎(0)

AND the link to your STATS which are the true-love-of-your-life. "Oh, my precious stat-sheets, come over and let's cuddle by the fire..." Sickening!!

Anne Kadet's avatar

LOL sickening indeed. I have yet to export my Goodreads xls file and run it through Ray for analysis, however. What is wrong with me?

Mark Dolan's avatar

I would wager we would all learn something valuable if we spent some time with your Goodread.xls file. Of course that only applies for those of us that have retained a love for that weird human practice of reading. I do wonder if someone did a forensic exam of your apartment, how many flash drives are sitting around with 2-3 *.XLS and *.XLSX files on them. Maybe the 'solution' is to buy Anne a labeler. Then, because you so kindly share an inside view of yourself at times, we will know things are getting bad if you admit you bought a small plastic box and labeled it "LABELER". Time for a professional.

If they did the same with me there would definitely be too many notebooks unlabeled with "inspirational" half-ideas scrawled. When the piles get too large the best answer is an AI friend like Ray I suppose. I think our Mom's figured this out by doing spring cleaning. If I were still writing a Substack, I might call this 'digital hoarder'.

My guess is you have nothing to worry about (what is wrong with me). Anyone who has bothered to delight and entertain so many of with 200+ great stories is doing just fine.

JudgeRoyBean's avatar

The heart wants what the heart wants....

Mark Dolan's avatar

"small health food store in Concord" -- I think Charles Darwin predicted that all health foods stores, even the very best will remain small :) -- the market for spelt will always be slight :) When someone shares 'the secret ingredient is spelt' be cautious

JudgeRoyBean's avatar

'spelt!!!' SOOOO funny!!!

Mark Dolan's avatar

People just keep eating crappy bleached white bread — flavor of a dishrag. Now they overreact and look for ‘ancient grains’ and think it makes sense. Don’t eat 85 cent loaves of bread — that’s probably all you have to do instead of checking if something has spelt in it. This is how you end up with $34 loaves of bread with red quinoa in it. I’m glad Anne has the genius to expose it.

Good Humor by CK Steefel's avatar

That’s how Whole Foods started!

Mark Dolan's avatar

Fun. I love Austin. The bumper stickers "Keep Austin Weird" is what remains of that era :)

Nancy Friedman's avatar

I still remember the page number I'd reached when I finally decided to hurl A Gentleman in Moscow across the room. Page 109.

Also, Fleishman Is in Trouble? No idea how it ends. Don't care.

Anne Kadet's avatar

Nancy, let the record show that I borrowed "Fleishman" from the Brooklyn Public Library in December 2019 and returned it unfinished. Yes, a very WHO CARES reading experience.

Lucy Conway's avatar

I watched the tv series. Reader, I did not die.

Debbie's avatar

I read Fleishman in Trouble and gosh am I sorry I did!

Good Humor by CK Steefel's avatar

I love the tenacity of people who actually finish an awful book.

JudgeRoyBean's avatar

"And did I mention that Thursday is my birthday?"

March 26!! Here is the historical events that occured on March 26th in New York City; the 1st one is my favorite and very apropos to Anne:

1927: The Quarantine of "Typhoid Mary"

Mary Mallon, the first person in the U.S. identified as an asymptomatic carrier of typhoid fever, was placed under a permanent quarantine on North Brother Island in the East River. She remained there until her death in 1938.

1967: The Central Park "Be-In"

In a hallmark of the counterculture movement, roughly 10,000 people gathered in Central Park for a "Be-In" to celebrate peace and Easter Sunday.

1940 & 1944: Bronx and Brooklyn Icons

Two New York legends share this birthday: actor James Caan (born in the Bronx) and singer Diana Ross (who, while born in Detroit, has a massive NYC legacy including her famous 1983 Central Park concert).

1879: Othmar Ammann is Born

The Swiss-American structural engineer was born on this day. He is the man behind some of NYC's most vital infrastructure, having designed the George Washington Bridge, the Verrazzano-Narrows Bridge, and the Bayonne Bridge.

1964: "Funny Girl" Debuts

The legendary musical Funny Girl, starring Barbra Streisand, opened at the Winter Garden Theatre on Broadway. It skyrocketed Streisand to international superstardom.

1953: The Polio Vaccine Announcement

Dr. Jonas Salk officially announced the successful testing of a vaccine to prevent paralytic poliomyelitis. While the work happened in Pittsburgh, the announcement was a global turning point that resonated deeply in NYC, which had been ravaged by polio outbreaks for decades.

1889: The Birth of Commercial Film

The Eastman Company (later Kodak) began the first commercial manufacture of transparent nitrocellulose photographic film. This technology was the bedrock for the burgeoning film industry centered in New York and New Jersey at the time.

1892: Death of Walt Whitman

The "Bard of Democracy" and iconic chronicler of New York and Brooklyn life passed away on this day.

Anne Kadet's avatar

Oh I love this compendium of THIS DATE IN NYC. Thank you JRB!!!

Good Humor by CK Steefel's avatar

Happy early bday! I love looking at historical milestones of Nov 7. My bday.

Good Humor by CK Steefel's avatar

Haha. I think I made it to page 24.

JudgeRoyBean's avatar

“I’ve waited my whole life for this, mainly because until now, I got zero credit for all the books I quit—which rivals the number I finish. My rule of thumb (and I’m curious to hear yours): if I’m not enjoying a book within the first thirty pages, I’m done!” 1. I wish that I could get 30 pages into a book; 2. Goodreads is “The-Shit” for providing a service for all of humankind!

Anne Kadet's avatar

Yes just another aspect of my aspecct self into which Amazon has wriggled its digital tendrils.

Mark Dolan's avatar

Jeff Bezos really loves you.

Good Humor by CK Steefel's avatar

I am perturbed that Costco no longer sells books.

Mark Dolan's avatar

Happiest employees in the world. A company that loves their employees, treats them with respect and ignores imbeciles that tell them how they should run a business. That's why I shop there!!! For many years I bought most of my books from AbeBooks used. At some point Amazon bought them. They seem to have left it alone. Still a cool vibe. I always liked the kids book sets at Costco :(

Mark Dolan's avatar

This is far from polished but seemed funny when it flashed in my mind. Could be a title on the bargain philosophy books at Barne's & Noble : "Stop seeking credit and start seeking enlightenment" -- anon.

JudgeRoyBean's avatar

PERFECT!!!!! LOL!!! Of course it would be in the "bargain" books!!!!

Good Humor by CK Steefel's avatar

I’ve given up on a lot of books. If it doesn’t grab me within the first 50 pages it’s dropped off at the free neighborhood library.

JudgeRoyBean's avatar

CK books are what made you so clever and funny! And those donations will help people.

Michael Jensen's avatar

"It's the end of the world, and I feel fiiiine..."🥰🥰🥰

Anne Kadet's avatar

It's the end of the something, that's for sure. Mr. Jensen.

Jan's avatar

Finally subscribed. Happy Birthday! Who needs cake - have some bread ; )

Anne Kadet's avatar

Thank you Jan!!! Now I can buy cake AND $34 bread!

JudgeRoyBean's avatar

“And then I spotted it: the $34 Sixteen Mill Gluten-Free Seeded Sourdough loaf, the only bread available in the store.” "Take physic, pomp; / Expose thyself to feel what wretches feel, / That thou mayst shake the superflux to them, / And show the heavens more just." King Lear— Act 3, Scene 4

della's avatar

when i saw that the loaf was from sixteen mill i was worried that this would be a takedown of a lovely bakery but i am so glad for the second half of this post :)

Anne Kadet's avatar

Yay! CAFÉ ANNE does not do takedowns, della. If something really needed taking down, I'd let someone else do it.

Mark Dolan's avatar

When Anne does food, she never disappoints. This one brought back memories of home for me. The Tik-Tok inspired labels on these products always make me laugh. Some of the ingredients are as tough to spell as pretentious. Here's where my mind wandered:

* Next time Anne visits home she should go to ANY DECENT Polish bakery and buy some caraway rye or Polish rye. Yep, it rises slow. Yep it is dense. Yep, toasted with slathered butter will make it wonderful. If you are really bold try it with a slice of lard on top :) -- gotcha -- for $35 dollars you can get 5 loaves and your Dad can freeze the rest and have great toast through the winter

* My favorite local spot for this is an Eastern European butcher shop, bakery and restaurant. We never escape without bringing home great bread. Maybe $7 a loaf. About what a person spends on a loaf at Trader Joe's if they are as happy as if they had good sense. The label will have better patter at TJs I must admit. Every loaf tells a story.

Highlights from today:

MARKETING -- "double toast for extra goodness" -- thanks for that insight

FAVE INGREDIENT -- red quinoa -- sure to lodge between your bicuspids and need an extra pass with the floss

OUTSIDE THE BOX THINKING -- make French Toast with the bread and call it 'the jawbreaker'

ANNEISM -- "just a stack of fetching wicker baskets" -- this immediately brought back memories of the old Italian ladies harvesting dandelions to make soup. Memories of Longaberger baskets for those who already have enough $30 spatulas made of unobtanium.

Thanks for the GoodReads report. Maybe we can create a new SMS abbreviation -- TBCF in lieu of TLDR >> Too boring, couldn't finish

My work is done...except for HBD wishes...you share the same BD as a close family member -- alas this means your BD has been shifted into an unavoidable piece of information for me now :)

Anne Kadet's avatar

THAT is a very good idea about the rye bread in the freezer, Mr. Dolan. The lard I am not so sure about.

Mark Dolan's avatar

I would imagine it (lard) freezes well :) -- I love to work lard into a discussion. It triggers most people -- especially those that love pie but pretend not to understand.

JudgeRoyBean's avatar

But are any of those 'curated?'

Mark Dolan's avatar

It is all the better since we know Anne is not a fan :)

Jules Torti's avatar

I hope my book didn't find its way to your Goodreads DNR (do not resuscitate or finish) list. I can't look!

Thank you for sending me off in a wildly different direction on this Monday morn. Osmium (had to Google) and teff flour. "Teff, Eragrostis tef (aka Williams lovegrass) and annual bunch grass, is an annual species of lovegrass native to the Ethiopia Highlands."

Your friend's comment about the lovegrass loaf being suitable for lunch if she were a miner was so funny. Thanks for loafing around, Anne.

Anne Kadet's avatar

Yay I was wondering who would Google Osium!!

Ms. Torti your book is on my IRL "Want to Read" shelf and I just added it to my Goodreads virtual WTR shelf as well.

Wow you sure have written a lot of books!

Jules Torti's avatar

I've been on a book writing tear as of late. Five in five years? With a little Substacking during my commercial breaks.

I never took Chemistry in high school though my younger bro was always DIY experimenting. He once made a kosher dill pickle glow through some battery hook-up in our kitchen.

Glad to be on your IRL shelf, Anne. The content is not as heavy as Osmium. I did appreciate learning that it's used in fountain pen nib tips. Say that ten times. Pen nib tips.

Mark Dolan's avatar

The Periodic Table is a surprisingly good source of 'gotta know more' -- Now I might have to peruse your list of books!

Anne Kadet's avatar

The elements that only hang around for a few moments after they are created are especially fun!

Mark Dolan's avatar

Great minds think alike Anne!!! I agree. One pretty cool way to measure progress on Earth is we ran out of elements long ago that naturally occur. While I never got to see it (thankfully), during my career I remember a somewhat lengthy discussion about Californium during one of my assignments. It's primary use is as a sort of 'firestarter' for nuclear reactors that have sat idle for a while. I think it's secondary use is to kill living tissue :) I just looked it up and it costs about $27M per gram :) Your bread sounds like a bargain now.

According to Aristotle and others (we seem to admire his contributions), the Greeks figured the primary elements were earth, water, air & fire. We've come a long way in 2350 years :) I'm guessing if you proposed Osmium you would have been burned at the stake (fire and air), extinguished (water) and then buried you (earth). The circle of life.

Equilibrist's avatar

The funniest expensive bread I know of in Brooklyn is the micro bakery in Carroll gardens, ACQ, that bills itself as “Anti-Capitalist” or “Anti-Conquest” bread (can’t remember what the Q stands for). People line up at the CG greenmarket just as they would in communist Russia to buy $15 loaves of these dense hockey pucks.

Anne Kadet's avatar

Okay that's even more Brooklyn than Sixteen Mill, Equilibrist. Winner!

Malorie's avatar

I saw the "audio ads" and sped right here to say NO! I don't even live in NYC but the fond memories of my subway rides being a brief respite from the real world is enough for me to say, is there NO place we can escape from ads?

Glencora's avatar
2dEdited

I’m only like 1/4 way through reading this post today and ducked out quickly to write a Sternly Worded Letter to the MTA (OK, submitted a Sternly Worded Feedback Form) telling them this is beyond stupid and come on it’s already an arms race of rude passengers without headphones. Now back to reading the main post. Bye.

Anne Kadet's avatar

Yay! Thanks for your good example, Glencora. I have to admit I have yet to do this myself!

Anne Kadet's avatar

I feel like we are heading into a future where you can escape ads only if a) you are very rich or b) you live in a hut in the woods, Malorie.

Malorie's avatar

agreed 😖 I'll take a bit of wealth but mostly just a cabin in some quiet woods near water, please!

Sara's avatar

A "Minority Report" future where the ads call out to you by name in a voice calibrated to ASMR you!

JudgeRoyBean's avatar

My gawd the ads are the best part!! Embrace the ads!!

David Perlmutter's avatar

$34 for a loaf of bread? Right now in Canada, we have to pay nearly as much for a litre of gas...

Anne Kadet's avatar

Hmmm. Maybe we all just stay home and eat the furniture, David.

JudgeRoyBean's avatar

Thank President Dick N. Balls for even higher prices. Though as long as he's bogged down in Iran, Canada and Greenland are safe. I mean, you can't make this shit up.

Ruth Jackson's avatar

One of the nicest breads I've eaten is sprouted grain bread (whatever the grains). It's like a brick and needs double toasting and to my taste is better than cake so its a great snack, not really for sandwiches. The natural sweetness of the sprouted grains is amazing. I haven't had it for ages though I bought an 'expensive' sourdough organic loaf last week. [The "hype" around gluten is so banal: unless you have a Coeliac disease (around 1% of Australians so I expect it's similar in the US) or some other form of gluten intolerance (similar statistics) avoiding gluten when you don’t need to can lead to nutritional deficiencies from not eating whole grains...]

There's so many books, I haven't finished even ones with 'rave' reviews, I wouldn't know where to start.

Happy birthday from Australia!

Anne Kadet's avatar

Ruth, the bread you describe sounds a lot like my $34 loaf!

I wish I had been maintaining a list of my DNF books all this time because often I will get a book out of the library and hate it, only to realize that this is not the first time I've hated it.

And thanks for your birthday wishes!

Rob Stephenson's avatar

I might need to add purveyors of $14 yogurt to my enemy list.

Anne Kadet's avatar

But Rob, it's "viral Japanese" super-live probiotic Coconut Cult yogurt. "This isn’t a meal, it’s a ritual."

Rob Stephenson's avatar

In that case, straight to the top of the list.

Susan C-P's avatar

Those of us forced by celiac disease to eat gluten-free bread all know: 1) most GF bread tastes like crap even as the selection is improving; and 2) all GF bread tastes better toasted. Seriously.

Here in Portland, Franz Bakery has a dedicated GF bakery (besides their regular ones) and produces the rare good-tasting GF sourdough deli-style bread, along with brioche, etc. It runs from $6.50 to $9 for 6 long slices (12 small once you cut it in half) and now is at almost all Portland-area grocery areas. Not sure how far their distribution goes.

$34? Yowza. But your explanation helps…

Anne Kadet's avatar

It seems as though only the dedicated GF bakeries get it right, Susan. It's not just something that can be done as an afterthought.

And my understanding is that sourdough is also a more time-consuming and difficult process than yeast bread, so sourdough + GF = not cheap!

JudgeRoyBean's avatar

I'm an iconoclast so take what I offer in-stride. But I think "celiac disease" is the biggest fraud foisted on the American public since 1 hour Martinizing. https://youtu.be/VyEyS1yq61o?t=26&si=psfbr9TX9FPDK9OK

Susan C-P's avatar

My parents were celiac as well but didn’t know it as that. My dad served in the Canadian army in WWII and discovered then that he was “allergic to wheat.” There appears to be a genetic component to immune responses such as this.

Popular culture has done much to spread the idea that avoiding gluten is a fad of the elite. Perhaps for some it is.

But it’s so much work and so socially isolating that truly avoiding all gluten and cross-contamination is incredibly hard for most who don’t suffer physical consequences.

Almost every meal in the traditional American/Western diet contains gluten. Even travel in China and Japan showed how prevalent wheat and gluten was. Soy sauce can contain more wheat than soy, for example.

I think others who realize they feel better when they avoid gluten are suffering from the effects of glyphosate, but that’s a whole ‘nother topic…

JudgeRoyBean's avatar

God bless you and NEVER listen to me.

Like I said, I'm an iconoclast who happened to work inside the "Medical Industrial Complex" for44 years and I view "celiac disease" as the "hook" in another marketing scheme to generate mucho dollars; I'm jaded, what can I say?

Certainly not "GLUTEN!!!" real loud in a crowd because those with "celiac disease" would poughkeepsie their pants!!

How about the clever use of metaphor in this retort to celiac zealots:

"Aw, quit yer bellyachin'! I was just stirrin' the turd!"

Ya know, maybe it wasn't the water in Mexico that caused Charlotte such distress in S&TC?? Maybe it was the gluten in the bread!! LOL!! https://youtu.be/Rps557sQZeE?si=sqKZDZO_GiiH45_V

Ali's avatar

New to you and your writing and really enjoying it. Very lively, quite direct and no hinting around like a timid copywriter. Well done!

Loved this description: “terrible, but in an interesting way”. I’ve been searching to define my new ‘Lewk’, since The Body has changed drastically. This seems to cover it well. Beats “Coastal Grandma”…

Happy Birthday! 💐

Now I am curious about your opinion of being an Aries

Anne Kadet's avatar

Hi Ali and welcome! I've been enjoying your comments! And I love the idea of adopting "terrible, but in an interesting way," as one's lewk.

I really do think Aries is the best sign, even if we can be somewhat inconsiderate and annoying. At least we are direct, as you note.

Beth T (BethOfAus)'s avatar

Something to get your teeth into! Some sourdoughs are SO heavy. Thanks for the reminder to toast them and slather with butter (and honey perhaps?) Hmmm….

Happy birthday for later this week. And thanks for another fascinating read. ($34 !!!)

Anne Kadet's avatar

Yes, toasting + butter + honey is pretty much a universal fix.

Thanks for your birthday wishes Beth!

JudgeRoyBean's avatar

Bespoke bread!

Justin Difazzio's avatar

There's a restaurant here that makes cheddar bread, and they'll sell you a loaf for double digits. Normally, I just get it as toast at the restaurant alongside some standard breakfast fare. I'm probably paying more for it that way, but it just seems SO EXPENSIVE otherwise.

I would love to try that $34 bread. Sounds like an experience worth having.

Anne Kadet's avatar

Cheddar bread sounds like such a good idea, Justin. It's like a built-in grilled cheese sandwich! I'd eat it with EGGS.

Justin Difazzio's avatar

They've got decent eggs, too! If I get it, I usually have an open faced avocado and sun dried tomato sandwich with bacon. Or just as toast with something else. Any way you slice it, it's great bread.