iPad is DEFINITELY human so any of the three might do. Why else would they market an old tech display as a RETINA DISPLAY as if to humanize a slab of aluminum & plastic
It’s hot chocolate boy anti-rat summer! That’s even better than the summer of George, in my opinion. PS Emily and Anne, have you two been meditating and working out? Because these comments and columns are looking GOOD and making me feel CENTERED.
Substack started recommending people I knew in real life and showing me their handles so I had to become even MORE generic to keep separate my “leaving comments for Anne” life from my real life where no one appreciates my jokes and I don’t talk about meditation and it’s real sad and serious and stuff.
I’m one of your paid subscribers so I’m sure you can look me up, but I’m just a rando who loves your newsletter so there’s nothing fun to discover.
It would be cool though if I were from New Guinea, which is probably a less expensive phone call than regular Guinea.
I wonder if people from Guinea and New Guinea get annoyed with each other or it’s more cordial like Mexico and New Mexico.
This whole time I've been writing "Guinea" but thinking, "Shouldn't it be New Guinea? Isn't the the country" and never realizing that there could be both, and of course you'd need to have a "Guinea" before you had a "New Guinea."
Googling now...
Wow, an island in Australia! The world's second-large island in fact.
Second only to Greenland, says Wikipedia.
So why doesn't Australia itself count as an island? I know it's a continent, but can't it be both?
New Guinea isn't part of Australia, although it was once an Australian "responsibility" (1906–1975). I traveled there two consecutive years in 1981, 1982 to visit friends who were nursing volunteers in a remote location in the highlands. Unfortunately, and despite taking antimalarial tablets, I ended up in hospital with malaria a few weeks later...
Sometimes Australia is called an "island continent."
I'm enjoying this random geography lesson. I've always had my sights on Papua New Guinea for the birdlife alone. I didn't know about the Australian connection. The flag is great! It features a yellow bird of paradise. Fun fact: In 1971, a competition was held to design a flag for country and the government approved a design submitted by a 15-year-old student, Susan Karike. It became the national flag upon Papua New Guinea's independence! https://www.kundu-jakarta.com/index.php/flag-a-national-anthem.html#:~:text=The%20flag%20of%20Papua%20New,is%20in%20the%20red%20section.
Maybe AT&T is behind this whole thing. Even with the credit, they are making out like bandits.
I can't help you find your card case and iPad, but, thanks to "Mr. Coney," I can help with the 34th st. mystery. The missing street was probably due to some classic Brooklyn cronyism courtesy of the Boss Tweed of Coney Island, John McKane. He took it upon himself to subdivide the land and then divvy it up among his buddies. Currying political favors took precedence over numerical order.
I would LOVE IT if AT&T was behind the scam, Mr. Stephenson. Perhaps "Diallo" is actually CEO John T. Stankey?
My brother sent me that link earlier, BTW, but I did not understand what it was saying. I sort understand better now with your exposition but not really.
Damn, scooped by your brother! And, upon further reflection, that explanation doesn't make any sense to me either. Maybe if it was a double wide block or something. I think I was just so amazed to find an answer to your exact question that I tricked myself into believing it made sense.
Oh, and I forgot to mention - it looks like you've got your summer Eric Adams watch going! From the 5th rat violation, to the broken bathroom promises and $4 million dollar garbage bag studies, your EA chronicles are the best regular feature ever!
I love love love when misadventures become great newsletter stories! Yes, I'm sorry it didn't have a happy ending. But you still took lemons and made Substack lemonade!
As you know, that might be the best part of writing a newsletter, Mr. Jensen. All your misadventures suddenly become great story fodder. Nothing is ever truly bad ever again!
If only I'd known that apartments and planes catching on fire, and horrible bathroom experiences, and accidentally poisoning our friends dog, and so much more was monetizable, I would've become nomadic long ago!
"If two people approach the turnstile at the same time, who has the right of way? The person entering the subway station, or the person leaving?"
Follows same rules as boarding the train: let people off the crowded, space limited area so that you have room to move on. "Please let the passengers off the platform first before entering the platform."
Anxiously, if I pay for the turnstile and then the person leaves and crunches the bar over, I'm worried I'll have to pay again. I don't think it works like that but I haven't tested it and so I'd rather the exiters clear the turnstiles before I tap in.
Lastly, "I have to catch my train!" is pretty much the New York version of the "There was a traffic jam to work!" We all know there are jams, delays, and crowds. Leave earlier. If you leave earlier, you can let trains go by and catch the next one, it's less stressful, safer, and most of the time keeps you out of the worst packed trains.
Dane, that is a good question about what happens when you swipe in but someone beats you to the turnstile heading out!
And "leave earlier" is just a good policy in general. I always take the Google maps travel time estimate and multiply that by 1.5 to get the actual, realistic time I need to allocate.
For me whether or not I'm running on time is irrelevant; if there's a train sitting RIGHT THERE for the taking, I want to get on it rather than wait. Especially, but not at all exclusively, in the summertime, when it's a matter of being able to access air conditioning ASAP!
But this also reminds me that the dynamic can vary between stations where the platform is on the same level as the turnstile, and those where they are on different levels. And of course there are stations (e.g. 81st St / Natural History Museum), where both are the case, depending on uptown vs downtown.
Can I please see a photo of a subway turnstile? We have innies and outies here in Australia. You put your ticket in the in ones to get into the platforms, you escape through the out ones on your way out. (I live in the country so don’t have a lot of experience with these, but that’s what I’ve noticed when I visit Sydney.)
What do your current bins look like? Isn’t that what all bins already look like? Or do you still use old metal garbage bins with metal lids? If you reply to say that you all literally put plastic bags of garbage out for collection(!!!!!?), then I’ll be very tempted to say ‘Well, there’s your problem’.
And ‘oh boy’ regarding your iPad. I hope your Dad reads the footnotes.
Hi Beth! This is so interesting. I learned from another reader in England that they also have turnstiles that can function as either innies or outies but not both!
I'll be sure to post a turnstile photo in the next issue so folks know what the NYC situation looks like. Good idea!
The bins that Mayor Adams just introduced are actually bins for residential apartment buildings, not street trash cans. Starting this fall, buildings will be required to put their garbage in these bins rather than in bags in the street, which makes sense to me! Because yeah, bags on the street are for sure the problem.
It IS depressing. I hate liars. But I don’t know what it’s like to walk in his shoes; maybe he really is desperate enough to try anything. Maybe Guinea’s culture is so different it’s hard to understand if you’re not from there. Hope Dad gives you another card case!
Oof this iPad update is bringing back memories of my dad falling into a relationship scam with someone in the Ivory Coast 🥴🥴 the bottomless lies are at once infuriating and hilarious. Almost as infuriating and hilarious as a $4m consultation to learn that trash bins are better than bags 😩
They say, as you know Ms. D-S, that you can't con an honest person. But now I am wondering why they say that. Anyhow sorry to hear about your dad.
The trash bin study I highly approve of, only because I love to imagine the kid who graduates Harvard Biz School and that's his first assignment at his first job.
It is a bit sad what a pathetic job Diallo did trying to take advantage of you. Perhaps this'll be a learning experience for him and he'll eventually develop a more effective grift. He should really get his shit together.
So funny, B.A. But I am glad he was not very good at his job. I tend to be pretty trusting and naive and if he'd been a little more clever I might have been out a lot more than the cost of that stupid phone call.
Oh, I'm glad he was bad at his job, too! Good to know you're trusting and naive, though... maybe I can come up with a little grift of my own. For example, um, did you know that Diallo sent your iPad to me here in Canada??? Because we thought it might be easier for you to send funds here. I don't need your address. I just need $30,000 USD sent to a certain P.O. box. I'll DM you the number.
Good logic Anne: Off before on. Out before in. Here in England turnstiles are, in my experience, either in or out. Not both at the same time, though they often do change direction at peak periods, depending on passenger flow. And most of them now read your card/cellphone. Card tickets are history, hence you occasionally see people leaping over turnstiles (why else would you go to a gym or work out?).🐰
Wait! You mean there are separate turnstiles for in and out? And they are programmed to change directions based on traffic? Whoa that makes so much sense. Imagine if we had cars both coming in and out at toll booths for instance. That sounds bonkers but we are doing the same thing to humans here in NYC!
No Anne, there are at least three turnstiles, quite often more at busy stations. When it’s quiet there is one in, one out and you have to swipe a card or feed through a ticket whatever way you go. When it is busy the other turnstiles kick in, in or out, depending on passenger flow. We have had them for decades.🐰
I'm British and was thinking the same thing about our turnstiles. If they were in or out, all our cities would grind to a halt as we'd stand on either side of it saying, "after you," "no, no, after you!", "no, I insist, after *you*!"
Stellar newsletter!!! So much going on - wow. The only thing I would like to suggest is that people can have many/conflicting motives. Fraud + freedom + desire to help.....So it may be possible that Diallo (like most of us) has selfish and selfless motivations. That may not help the situation, but might make you feel better. LOVE your newsletter!! Thank you for a brighter Monday morning.
Thank you mordy! Penelope told me she knows a lot of people who live in the same region as Diallo and she said it's quite common for people there to try to turn a situation to their advantage in any way they can—that it's part of the culture because things there are just very difficult in general. And she believed that he really was in a tough situation and looking for anything that might help.
In any case, and FWIW I do hope he is enjoying my things. A friend of mine at the meditation center suggest I mentally "give" Diallo everything in the tote bag so he does not suffer the bad karma of not returning it, and that made me feel better.
Great advice! We recently moved and had to make the 'tough' decisions of what to do with all our stuff. Give it away? Donate? Throw out? Keep?
In the end, it was easier to donate or give away by telling ourselves - "let someone else use it now". It's not like we really 'own' any of it anyways....Life is short.
Thanks, Anne, for another great read! It's always nice to start the week with your column. Sorry to hear that your laptops longing to travel / Diallo took it out of the country without you. Maybe your new one won't be as fickly. Thanks for sticking with the Mayor's beat: I laughed (out loud in a library) at his June 12 presser diversion admiring a reporter's physique instead of responding to his pro-Palestinian demonstration query. It gives me peace of mind to think that I could gain EU citizenship when I hear things like this
Ah making you laugh out loud in a NYC library is like the best thing I could accomplish Anita. Yay!
One thing I learned from this whole adventure is that a $170 used iPad is as good as the $600 I'd have spent on a new one so maybe the experience will be saving me money in the long run.
There are lessons to be learned everywhere--like snorting and laughing are not noteworthy in a NYP library (though I am glad you were pleased with that result). It makes me realize again that Dr. Suess was right when he wrote in his last book, "Oh The Places You'll Go!" that “The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you’ll go.” Maybe your laptop figured that out too...?!
Diallo should have just used the tried and true African Prince routine. I know you wouldn't have fallen for it, Anne, but it would have saved you a lot of money, time, and emotional investment.
LOL. So true Mr. Clemenstein. I long for a return to simpler times, when the email came from Nigeria and all I had to do was wire a large sum of money.
I feel like the Eric Adams Watch just keeps getting better... or do I mean worse?! I'm not exactly sure, but it reads like a surrealist comedy!
I also loved Adriana's spin on your iPad's adventures. I hope s/he is happy in Guinea!
In the case of Eric Adams watch, better and worse are the SAME THING, right?
Now I am wondering if iPad is male or female or androgynous. I can't say why but I'm for sure leaning toward option #3.
iPad is DEFINITELY human so any of the three might do. Why else would they market an old tech display as a RETINA DISPLAY as if to humanize a slab of aluminum & plastic
It’s hot chocolate boy anti-rat summer! That’s even better than the summer of George, in my opinion. PS Emily and Anne, have you two been meditating and working out? Because these comments and columns are looking GOOD and making me feel CENTERED.
PPS Why didn’t you just use WhatsApp? Oh, wait….
LOL Reader (and weren't you previously lhreader?) I am dying to know who you are though maybe it's more fun that I don't. Emily, any guesses?
Substack started recommending people I knew in real life and showing me their handles so I had to become even MORE generic to keep separate my “leaving comments for Anne” life from my real life where no one appreciates my jokes and I don’t talk about meditation and it’s real sad and serious and stuff.
I’m one of your paid subscribers so I’m sure you can look me up, but I’m just a rando who loves your newsletter so there’s nothing fun to discover.
It would be cool though if I were from New Guinea, which is probably a less expensive phone call than regular Guinea.
I wonder if people from Guinea and New Guinea get annoyed with each other or it’s more cordial like Mexico and New Mexico.
So there IS such a thing as New Guinea!!!
This whole time I've been writing "Guinea" but thinking, "Shouldn't it be New Guinea? Isn't the the country" and never realizing that there could be both, and of course you'd need to have a "Guinea" before you had a "New Guinea."
Googling now...
Wow, an island in Australia! The world's second-large island in fact.
Second only to Greenland, says Wikipedia.
So why doesn't Australia itself count as an island? I know it's a continent, but can't it be both?
New Guinea isn't part of Australia, although it was once an Australian "responsibility" (1906–1975). I traveled there two consecutive years in 1981, 1982 to visit friends who were nursing volunteers in a remote location in the highlands. Unfortunately, and despite taking antimalarial tablets, I ended up in hospital with malaria a few weeks later...
Sometimes Australia is called an "island continent."
I'm enjoying this random geography lesson. I've always had my sights on Papua New Guinea for the birdlife alone. I didn't know about the Australian connection. The flag is great! It features a yellow bird of paradise. Fun fact: In 1971, a competition was held to design a flag for country and the government approved a design submitted by a 15-year-old student, Susan Karike. It became the national flag upon Papua New Guinea's independence! https://www.kundu-jakarta.com/index.php/flag-a-national-anthem.html#:~:text=The%20flag%20of%20Papua%20New,is%20in%20the%20red%20section.
“There is a long and boring story behind why I did not use WhatsApp to call Diallo.” Ma’am, no story of yours could be boring. Give it to us.
LOL so sweet. Thank you Nina! Once upon a time...
Even your corrections are fascinating and weird!
LOL thanks Rob! That compliment is a keeper. :)
Maybe AT&T is behind this whole thing. Even with the credit, they are making out like bandits.
I can't help you find your card case and iPad, but, thanks to "Mr. Coney," I can help with the 34th st. mystery. The missing street was probably due to some classic Brooklyn cronyism courtesy of the Boss Tweed of Coney Island, John McKane. He took it upon himself to subdivide the land and then divvy it up among his buddies. Currying political favors took precedence over numerical order.
I learned all this here:
https://www.coneyislandhistory.org/ask-mr-coney/coneys-missing-streets
I would LOVE IT if AT&T was behind the scam, Mr. Stephenson. Perhaps "Diallo" is actually CEO John T. Stankey?
My brother sent me that link earlier, BTW, but I did not understand what it was saying. I sort understand better now with your exposition but not really.
Damn, scooped by your brother! And, upon further reflection, that explanation doesn't make any sense to me either. Maybe if it was a double wide block or something. I think I was just so amazed to find an answer to your exact question that I tricked myself into believing it made sense.
Oh, and I forgot to mention - it looks like you've got your summer Eric Adams watch going! From the 5th rat violation, to the broken bathroom promises and $4 million dollar garbage bag studies, your EA chronicles are the best regular feature ever!
I love love love when misadventures become great newsletter stories! Yes, I'm sorry it didn't have a happy ending. But you still took lemons and made Substack lemonade!
As you know, that might be the best part of writing a newsletter, Mr. Jensen. All your misadventures suddenly become great story fodder. Nothing is ever truly bad ever again!
If only I'd known that apartments and planes catching on fire, and horrible bathroom experiences, and accidentally poisoning our friends dog, and so much more was monetizable, I would've become nomadic long ago!
"If two people approach the turnstile at the same time, who has the right of way? The person entering the subway station, or the person leaving?"
Follows same rules as boarding the train: let people off the crowded, space limited area so that you have room to move on. "Please let the passengers off the platform first before entering the platform."
Anxiously, if I pay for the turnstile and then the person leaves and crunches the bar over, I'm worried I'll have to pay again. I don't think it works like that but I haven't tested it and so I'd rather the exiters clear the turnstiles before I tap in.
Lastly, "I have to catch my train!" is pretty much the New York version of the "There was a traffic jam to work!" We all know there are jams, delays, and crowds. Leave earlier. If you leave earlier, you can let trains go by and catch the next one, it's less stressful, safer, and most of the time keeps you out of the worst packed trains.
Dane, that is a good question about what happens when you swipe in but someone beats you to the turnstile heading out!
And "leave earlier" is just a good policy in general. I always take the Google maps travel time estimate and multiply that by 1.5 to get the actual, realistic time I need to allocate.
For me whether or not I'm running on time is irrelevant; if there's a train sitting RIGHT THERE for the taking, I want to get on it rather than wait. Especially, but not at all exclusively, in the summertime, when it's a matter of being able to access air conditioning ASAP!
But this also reminds me that the dynamic can vary between stations where the platform is on the same level as the turnstile, and those where they are on different levels. And of course there are stations (e.g. 81st St / Natural History Museum), where both are the case, depending on uptown vs downtown.
So much of interest.
Can I please see a photo of a subway turnstile? We have innies and outies here in Australia. You put your ticket in the in ones to get into the platforms, you escape through the out ones on your way out. (I live in the country so don’t have a lot of experience with these, but that’s what I’ve noticed when I visit Sydney.)
What do your current bins look like? Isn’t that what all bins already look like? Or do you still use old metal garbage bins with metal lids? If you reply to say that you all literally put plastic bags of garbage out for collection(!!!!!?), then I’ll be very tempted to say ‘Well, there’s your problem’.
And ‘oh boy’ regarding your iPad. I hope your Dad reads the footnotes.
Hugs my dear. Enjoy your week.
Hi Beth! This is so interesting. I learned from another reader in England that they also have turnstiles that can function as either innies or outies but not both!
I'll be sure to post a turnstile photo in the next issue so folks know what the NYC situation looks like. Good idea!
The bins that Mayor Adams just introduced are actually bins for residential apartment buildings, not street trash cans. Starting this fall, buildings will be required to put their garbage in these bins rather than in bags in the street, which makes sense to me! Because yeah, bags on the street are for sure the problem.
It IS depressing. I hate liars. But I don’t know what it’s like to walk in his shoes; maybe he really is desperate enough to try anything. Maybe Guinea’s culture is so different it’s hard to understand if you’re not from there. Hope Dad gives you another card case!
Those are my thoughts precisely, Ms. Daniels. Including the card case thing!
“The rats are furious,” makes it sound like they’re leaving hate mail at his townhouse. Or running against him. Can I donate to the rats?
I Googled "NYC Rat Campaign Fund" and came up with nothing. But you can be the change you seek, Mr. Dayle!
It's Mr. Whiskers' year.
Oof this iPad update is bringing back memories of my dad falling into a relationship scam with someone in the Ivory Coast 🥴🥴 the bottomless lies are at once infuriating and hilarious. Almost as infuriating and hilarious as a $4m consultation to learn that trash bins are better than bags 😩
They say, as you know Ms. D-S, that you can't con an honest person. But now I am wondering why they say that. Anyhow sorry to hear about your dad.
The trash bin study I highly approve of, only because I love to imagine the kid who graduates Harvard Biz School and that's his first assignment at his first job.
It is a bit sad what a pathetic job Diallo did trying to take advantage of you. Perhaps this'll be a learning experience for him and he'll eventually develop a more effective grift. He should really get his shit together.
So funny, B.A. But I am glad he was not very good at his job. I tend to be pretty trusting and naive and if he'd been a little more clever I might have been out a lot more than the cost of that stupid phone call.
Oh, I'm glad he was bad at his job, too! Good to know you're trusting and naive, though... maybe I can come up with a little grift of my own. For example, um, did you know that Diallo sent your iPad to me here in Canada??? Because we thought it might be easier for you to send funds here. I don't need your address. I just need $30,000 USD sent to a certain P.O. box. I'll DM you the number.
Good logic Anne: Off before on. Out before in. Here in England turnstiles are, in my experience, either in or out. Not both at the same time, though they often do change direction at peak periods, depending on passenger flow. And most of them now read your card/cellphone. Card tickets are history, hence you occasionally see people leaping over turnstiles (why else would you go to a gym or work out?).🐰
Wait! You mean there are separate turnstiles for in and out? And they are programmed to change directions based on traffic? Whoa that makes so much sense. Imagine if we had cars both coming in and out at toll booths for instance. That sounds bonkers but we are doing the same thing to humans here in NYC!
No Anne, there are at least three turnstiles, quite often more at busy stations. When it’s quiet there is one in, one out and you have to swipe a card or feed through a ticket whatever way you go. When it is busy the other turnstiles kick in, in or out, depending on passenger flow. We have had them for decades.🐰
I'm British and was thinking the same thing about our turnstiles. If they were in or out, all our cities would grind to a halt as we'd stand on either side of it saying, "after you," "no, no, after you!", "no, I insist, after *you*!"
I mean, I'm in England too! Sorry, it's late and I can never find the button to edit my comments... If it even exists....
Stellar newsletter!!! So much going on - wow. The only thing I would like to suggest is that people can have many/conflicting motives. Fraud + freedom + desire to help.....So it may be possible that Diallo (like most of us) has selfish and selfless motivations. That may not help the situation, but might make you feel better. LOVE your newsletter!! Thank you for a brighter Monday morning.
Thank you mordy! Penelope told me she knows a lot of people who live in the same region as Diallo and she said it's quite common for people there to try to turn a situation to their advantage in any way they can—that it's part of the culture because things there are just very difficult in general. And she believed that he really was in a tough situation and looking for anything that might help.
In any case, and FWIW I do hope he is enjoying my things. A friend of mine at the meditation center suggest I mentally "give" Diallo everything in the tote bag so he does not suffer the bad karma of not returning it, and that made me feel better.
Great advice! We recently moved and had to make the 'tough' decisions of what to do with all our stuff. Give it away? Donate? Throw out? Keep?
In the end, it was easier to donate or give away by telling ourselves - "let someone else use it now". It's not like we really 'own' any of it anyways....Life is short.
For some reason that eggplant in the trash heap makes me sad. Eggplant is so delicious this time of year.
Sad Diallo turned out to be a con:( but yay for you for figuring it out!
Jillian, the next time I spot available eggplant on the sidewalk I will text to alert you IMMEDIATELY.
I thought Kara from Bushwick’s analysis was hilarous and brilliant!
Thanks, Anne, for another great read! It's always nice to start the week with your column. Sorry to hear that your laptops longing to travel / Diallo took it out of the country without you. Maybe your new one won't be as fickly. Thanks for sticking with the Mayor's beat: I laughed (out loud in a library) at his June 12 presser diversion admiring a reporter's physique instead of responding to his pro-Palestinian demonstration query. It gives me peace of mind to think that I could gain EU citizenship when I hear things like this
Ah making you laugh out loud in a NYC library is like the best thing I could accomplish Anita. Yay!
One thing I learned from this whole adventure is that a $170 used iPad is as good as the $600 I'd have spent on a new one so maybe the experience will be saving me money in the long run.
There are lessons to be learned everywhere--like snorting and laughing are not noteworthy in a NYP library (though I am glad you were pleased with that result). It makes me realize again that Dr. Suess was right when he wrote in his last book, "Oh The Places You'll Go!" that “The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you’ll go.” Maybe your laptop figured that out too...?!
Diallo should have just used the tried and true African Prince routine. I know you wouldn't have fallen for it, Anne, but it would have saved you a lot of money, time, and emotional investment.
LOL. So true Mr. Clemenstein. I long for a return to simpler times, when the email came from Nigeria and all I had to do was wire a large sum of money.