154 Comments

Please, please, please write up your journey to wearing the same thing every day. This speaks to me so hard, but I’d have no idea how to go about it!

Expand full comment

I so so appreciate this, Anne! I am really working on radical honesty, but also radical compassion. Figuring out how the two can coexist is always a fun quandary. We teach kids in my elementary school that we should always tell the truth but to make sure it is KIND, NECESSARY and not sharing a secret that shouldn’t be shared. I think it’s a good rule of thumb for adults as well :-)

Expand full comment

This is so great. I'm a radical honesty guy by nature, and as a result most people think I'm an asshole. I get away with it though because I'm funny.

Also, "I don't know" are three of the most honest, powerful, and liberating words in English. I utter them multiple times per day, which makes my asshole schtick work a lot better.

Expand full comment
Oct 30, 2023Liked by Anne Kadet

Super cool that you are a fellow meditator and teach a meditation class, which I the way I learned more than 10 years ago -- from a teacher. Maybe this is one of the reasons why you have this great skill for discovering and writing about such fun and wide ranging subjects? Because you're open to different viewpoints in a way that doesn't have you so attached to whether the person you are writing about is "right" or "wrong." I really enjoy your fun sense of honest curiosity and non-judgement about the subjects in your newsletter.

Expand full comment

Wow, you really put yourself through the wringer for this one! Lying really does seem to be the social lubricant that keeps us all from hating each other.

Expand full comment

I love this so much, Anne! Post-head/brain injury I've become a very direct person and am grateful when others are direct with me because being on the receiving end of indirectness can confuse the heck out of me. I know directness and honesty aren't the same, but they're cousins. Sometimes, even though I've requested it!, the directness can hurt my feelings. But at least I always understand what's actually going on. Haha. Beautifully written. So many compelling layers to this. Also: being honest in text/social media is different than being honest verbally--no intonation! Makes things much more complicated. I'm loving this Department of Personal Experimentation!

Expand full comment

The other day you liked one of my posts.

I was sooo happy that Anne Kadet liked one of MY posts.

A schlub like me...

And now I find out that you probably just clicked "like" to make me feel good. Or you couldn't find the "I acknowledge and affirm your existence." button.

Jeez Louise...To say I'm twice as unhappy, than I was happy is an understatement. 😘

Kidding, obvs. Loved the article, Anne!

Expand full comment
Oct 31, 2023Liked by Anne Kadet

Also, people are not mentioning the art because they are FRIGHTENED of it. Speak up, COWARDS (you guys go first).

Expand full comment
Oct 30, 2023Liked by Anne Kadet

Hi Anne - While on retreat contemplate the phrase "skillful speech"....

Expand full comment

a) I was born a very honest person, tiringly honest- just the way I'm wired. Sensitive to others too, again, just the way I'm wired.

But when I was a teen it became not enough. Honesty clashed with sensitivity somehow, I guess, in any case I didn't like it.

I noticed that I might feel one thing, think a bit different thing then, then by the time I say it it changes yet again.

I wanted then to become as authentic as possible(I didn't know the word "authentic" yet, I'm from a different country/different times), so I decided: I gonna shrink the distance between all them stages, as much as I can, they ask me something ?-I even skip what I think, I answer what I feel at the moment.

That experiment didn't go well. Like, at all.

b) "Brutal honesty’ is too often the preserve of brutes - and too seldom honesty in any case".( don't remember who said it-but I agree, to the point I saved this quote)

c) wow, people really talk about their feelings here more. I kinda know that, but it always surprises me anew.

d) I hate smiley faces -some less, some more-I do often "like" something though because that's the only thing I can do, or because I acknowledge, or because something is well-written-I might disagree with this and that, but well-written is well-written.

forgot the letter) thank you, Anne

Expand full comment
Oct 30, 2023Liked by Anne Kadet

First off, "United Axis of Filth" will now be my band name, so big thanks to Eric Adams and to Anne for that!

Secondly, what a great write up on your Week of Mostly Not Lying. It's so tough! We want to be authentic, but lying makes life so much easier. I see lying as an essential component of my job (e.g. "Tony" won't do a task if just ask him, but if I say my boss wants it done, he finishes it pronto). And who among us would not lie on a job interview if asked, "Do you use X software?" when you know you could familiarize yourself with the software before taking on the job.

And why *do* we playact little lies when chatting with our friends? Like your example with the roommates-- there truly seems no purpose to that, yet I'm sure I've done something very similar... Thanks for all the food for thought! I'm going to be mulling this over all week.

Expand full comment

I was hoping "Sally Long Dog" would be New York City's new official cocktail.

(For his next move, Eric Adams absolutely should invent an official New York City cocktail. Manhattans are gross.)

I'll be brutally honest! If you stopped hating poetry so much, maybe you could write a haiku with the correct number of syllables.

Expand full comment

If I told you this was a great experiment, would you believe me? I hope so! I really enjoyed this post, Anne. It was funny, but it was more than funny because you stopped to question all the routine lies we tell and demand others tell just to make society function. It's good to be honest and it's important to tell the truth, but maybe we shouldn't be too honest or tell too much truth all at once.

Expand full comment

Another fabulous edition! I always love reading about your "weird" mayor. "Normal" people have always creeped me out a little. And the story about Sally Long Dog -- priceless. Next: just YESTERDAY I read about Junior's; somebody who lived in Staten Island told how he took the ferry, the subway, plus a number of walks inbetween to get a slice of cheesecake from Junior's. It was printed in the NYT's Metropolitan Diary. I had some context! And then -- your exercise to follow a task you've set for yourself for a whole week. And share with us what you've learned. This is simply awesome. Honestly!

Expand full comment
Oct 30, 2023Liked by Anne Kadet

I'm going to try to "not lie' for one day! Depending on how that goes I will try another day. One day at a time. Thanks for the inspiration (and that is the truth!).

Expand full comment

Oh, goodness. I thought this sounded like a no-brainer easy challenge to try out, but then as I read your essay I realized how much I drop little lies here and there. I feel like if I tried to do this I would just ended up lying even more out of sheer panic.

Expand full comment