I Met 'The Bull' From the Subway Ads and He is Awesome!
Plus! Help me find my summer uniform!!!
Hello everyone,
Welcome to Issue #204 of CAFÉ ANNE!
Jeeze, it’s been a while. I am really not digging this once-a-month publishing schedule I’ve adopted since I took the temporary staff job with New York Magazine’s Curbed section. I miss you!
Still, the new gig continues to be fun. And because many of you requested it, here are the stories I’ve written for Curbed so far:
Why All the Cool Shopping Streets Look Like Little Nolita Clones
To Stay or Go? The Last Family Living in a Grammery Walkup
King Charles in Coney Island? New Yorkers on Where They’d Take His Royal Highness.
Buildings Tell Residents: No Visitors, No Packages and Please Don’t Do Laundry!
Where in New York City Will Taylor Swift’s Wedding Be? Six veteran event planners weigh in
Yes, they sure do love the celeb stuff at NY Mag!
Meanwhile, the results are in from last issue’s reader poll, in which you voted on whether me or my sidekick Ben Oddo did a better job profiling strangers at LaGuardia airport. The winner, of course, was due to get a Cinnabon.
Ben’s response: “I’ve seen the results of the Cinnabon contest, and all I can say is, these people are homers.”
Finally, huge shoutouts to our newest paid subscribers Kelsie S., Carol T. and Amy B. That’s enough $$$ for 30 Cinnabons! Though I’ll have to do a special fundraiser for my diabetic coma hospital stay.
I’m very excited for this month’s issue, of course. We’ve got a contest to find my new summer uniform plus—oh boy!—an interview with NYC subway ad legend Michael “The Bull” Lamonsoff. Please enjoy.
Regards!
Anne
PS: For the Curbed gig, I’m looking to interview someone in NYC who shares a pet with another person who lives in a different home. Not because you got the pet together and then split up, but because you decided in advance you only wanted half a pet. Please email me: annekadet@yahoo.com
MAKE YOUR NEWSLETTER BEAUTIFUL
Kara Haupt is a former editorial art director (NBC News, The New Yorker) and newsletter writer. She is teaching an online class on creating beautiful, engaging visuals for your Substack newsletter. Sessions available on May 21 and 27. Reserve your spot.
FASHION CORNER
Help Me Find My New Summer Uniform!
As many of you know, I’ve been wearing the same outfit every day for a decade. It really simplifies my life! Unfortunately, sometimes the uniform I’ve adopted is discontinued by the manufacturer and I have to find a new one.
That’s the case with my current summer uniform, which I’m wearing in the photo below. It is actually a swimsuit cover-up from Lands’ End! It has many great features: it’s 100% cotton so I can throw it in the washer and dryer. It has a slim fit and simple cut—no stupid belts or bows or other nonsense doo-dads. Plus it cost just $35 so it was no hardship to buy one for each day of the week.
But Lands’ End is no longer making the dress. And since I’ve worn it for two summers, it’s looking stretched out and faded. I need a replacement. That’s where you come in! I hate shopping, so I need your help finding my new summer uniform. It should include as many of the following features as possible:
If I adopt your selection, you will get a free lifetime subscription to this free newsletter! I will also send you a CAFÉ ANNE coffee mug or tote bag.
Please post your suggestions in the comments (with a link to the product page) or email me at annekadet@yahoo.com. I’ll announce the results in the next newsletter, and hopefully include a photo of me in my new uniform!
DEPT OF NYC CHARACTERS
I Met The Bull From the Subway Ads and He Was Awesome!
The subway ads were impossible to miss, and not just because they were seemingly plastered over every train car in the system. They were also a little bonkers. A local personal injury lawyer, Michael S. Lamonsoff, was depicting himself as a sort of court room super hero, “The Bull.” His tagline: “You mess with The Bull, you get the horns!”
I had to meet this guy!
The Bull had a big firm downtown, I learned upon conducting a little research, and took on all kinds of personal injury cases: slip and falls, construction accidents, sexual assault. He’d represented families of the deceased in the 2001 American Airlines crash in Belle Harbor and folks injured or killed in the 2013 accident which had a MetroNorth train careening off the rails in Spuyten Duyvil.
I emailed his firm to request an interview and was delighted to hear back almost immediately from The Bull’s marketing guy, Cameron.
“It’s a pleasure to have you reach out!” Cameron replied. “Glad to hear our ads are working. Michael also shares your passion for NYC and loves the blog! We’d love to set up a time to speak.”
That was twelve months ago.
The Bull was very busy, of course. Cameron suggested an interview for the end of June. This did not happen. I kept checking in—August, September, October. Each time Cameron replied, thanking me for my patience. First The Bull was out of the office—not feeling well! Then the interview was delayed for the launch of the new advertising campaign. I kept checking in.
“This profile of THE BULL is the number-one, top story I want to write for my newsletter. I will never give up!” I wrote to Cameron last November.
“How can 2025 end without me interviewing THE BULL??” I wrote in December. “That just doesn’t seem right.”
“I think I spotted the new ad campaign on the 2 train.” I wrote in April. “This must mean it’s interview time!”
Two weeks ago, I finally got the green light from Cameron—The Bull was available to meet in his office. I was so excited, I told everyone I knew, including my neighbor Shelly.
“Don’t wear red!” she advised.
The Bull’s HQ is on the eighth floor of a huge office tower in the financial district. When I arrived, he was in a meeting and kept me waiting nearly an hour for my appointment. Fine with me! I got to check out his oversize waiting room which featured Bull-logo pillows, several dozen plaques touting The Bull’s legal accomplishments and an LED message: “Welcome to the MSL Bullpen!”
I also got to hang out with the charming Cameron and the equally charming Isabella from the marketing team, who kept me happy with a freshly brewed Café Bustelo (my favorite coffee!)
Finally, I was got word that the Bull was ready to meet. Isabella and Cameron escorted me into a huge corner office with sweeping East River views. And there, behind his massive desk, sat The Bull. He was dressed in black from head-to-toe, just like me! When he stood and offered his hoof, he nearly crushed my hand with his iron grip.
I was hoping he’d look like The Bull in the ads, and reader, he did!
The following Q&A is condensed from an hour-long interview. Please enjoy!
When did you become The Bull? Or were you born The Bull?
I was born the bull. My very first memory as a kid, I think I must have been three years old, is that there’s a strong, strong wind outside our apartment building in East Flatbush. And I remember punching into the wind.
I was always more or less a fighter. When we went to grade school, I was an athlete, and that was what was important to me. You had different groups of kids, and a lot of kids that were bullied. Even back then I would protect them because I was a big kid, a tough, strong kid, and so I used to beat up the bullies. I used to love smashing their faces against the wall in the schools. They started calling me The Bull back then.
How many bull tattoos do you have?
All I have is this! [Pulls a chain out from his shirt collar.] Dog tags! That’s my kids, my family. My daughter and my son. They’re bull-etts.
How much can you bench?
In my heyday, about 450, 475. Hell, yeah. But that was a long time ago. Now, probably 5000.
Tell me how the subway ad campaign came about.
When I take the subways and I see the other attorneys and their ads, I’m like, “These guys look like a bunch of dried-up old mold.” And what do they say? “I won $5,000, $5 billion,” whatever it is. There’s no creativity, there’s no thought given to it. We wanted to be different. In this campaign, we wanted to paint myself as who I am. They’re about me. They’re about how I feel.
How do you feel?
Well, some days I want to smash people, but I don’t. I feel proud of what I’ve accomplished. I love that I fight for New Yorkers because I’m a true-blue, born-and-bred New Yorker.
Who’s the artist?
We really don’t want to talk about that because we don’t want him being stolen from us.
I love that in the background of the ads, every little mailbox and food cart and taxi has your image on it.
There’s a very famous American artist named Thomas McKnight. There was a McKnight in my office, a really beautiful one. I would look up at this beautiful art and see something new in it every single time. “Wow, is that a flowerpot? I didn’t see that six months ago. That’s a flowerpot!”
So I wanted these ads to really capture people’s minds, to have them look at it and think, “Wait, I didn’t see that before!”
I’m curious how much it costs to run a big campaign like that.
Let’s just say a lot of money. A lot of money! But it doesn’t matter to me. You know why? Because I make a lot of money!
How much money do you make?
None of your business!
If you google your name, one of the insta-queries that comes up is, “Michael Lamansoff net worth.” People are curious!
Why don’t you take a look at The Bull’s Millionaire’s Club? Here, I’ll show you this. [Pulls up his website on his desk computer with a list of winning verdicts.] This is where the cartoon ends and the lawyer begins. So our results—these are not fake results, these are real results—$37 million, $16 million, $14 million, and on and on and on and on and on.
What’s your cut?
One third! One third, plus whatever I can steal from my clients. I’m joking!
Have the subway ads been effective?
It’s really effective. And it seems like nowadays [other lawyers] are starting to copy me a lot. You see TopDog? Bulldog? All these dogs! But you know why they can’t use “The Bull”?
Why?
Because I’ll sue them, that’s why!
I was going to ask you about TopDog, because he’s totally ripping you off.
Well, let’s do show-and-tell a little bit. Where is TopDog from? He’s not from New York. He’s from where? Pennsylvania! Now he lives in Arizona. You know what a carpet bagger is?1
Do you get recognized on the street?
I sure do. People yell out, “The Bull!” Or I’ll give my name for a reservation and people say, “You’re the Bull, aren’t you?”
Do your friends and family tease you about being The Bull?
They sometimes do. But my kids see the billboards up all the time, and they take pictures with them and they’re so proud of dad, which makes me feel good. They’re five and seven.
Five and seven! How old are you?
Look, I stopped having birthdays when I was 35. No more birthdays! That way you stay young.2
On your LinkedIn page it says, “If you are looking for a man who’s a true New Yorker, someone who’s worked his way to the top and earned everything he has through blood, sweat and tears, then Michael ‘The Bull’ Lamansoff is ready to relentlessly fight for you.” I want to hear about the blood, sweat and tears!
Well, unlike a lot of your attorneys out there who mommy and daddy paid for their going to school, I didn’t have that. My father, he was in the military when I was a kid. I went to my father. I said, “Dad, I want to go to college.” He said, “Okay, pay for it.” So I did.
When I was 14 years old, that’s when I first started working. I got those papers you get when you’re underage to work. And I worked in a factory called Just Love. We did tie-dye baby panties. I was on the conveyer line at 14.
I worked myself through school. There’s no job that I didn’t do. I was a garbage man, I was a porter—meaning cleaning up buildings. I was a farm hand, that’s true, which means picking up cow shit. What else did I do. Bouncer, bartender. And even in law school, you’re not supposed to work, but I did anyway.
Your dad was in the military, what’d your mom do?
My mom was a housewife. She passed away when I was younger.
Why didn’t your dad pay for school?
It’s, it’s, it’s a long story, but he just, you know, he didn’t have, he didn’t have. So it’s a—it’s a story I can’t—I don’t want to talk about it.
Yeah.
Yeah. So we didn’t have the money, and he wanted me to earn it. So even if he had the money, he would have made me pay for it anyway.
Do you think having to work through school is what made you as successful as you are now?
It made me angry.
It made you angry.
It definitely made me understand that there was something better in life than what I was doing. I don’t have much, but I do have myself, and I’m making my way through this world, and I want to do better and better and better and better. And I knew that inside of me, I always had that intestinal fortune, I always had that yearning to do better—and I did.
Where does that come from?
I had that competitive spirit that my father taught me: “Win, son, win! You can win. You can do this!”
I remember my grandfather and my father—we’re at a football game. I ran the ball. I was a half back, and I did an end run and everybody piled on me. I looked up, I saw my grandfather and my father standing there, right? And this idiot kid put his hand in my face mask and tried to hit my eye or something. And I bit it! I mean, I bit it so hard. I almost bit it off. And my grandfather and my father, they were so proud of me. They said to me, “Mike, you did the right thing. Anything in your face mask, you own! You own that guy’s finger!”
At Columbia, you got a masters in education and psychology. That doesn’t quite fit my idea of you.
Why?
I guess it makes you someone who’s reflective, or concerned about the human condition in a way that wouldn’t map on with being The Bull.
What’s difference between that and being a personal injury attorney? The human condition? You have people who live in areas that are dangerous, they’re more apt to be injured because they live in dilapidated buildings where the landlord doesn’t give a crap about them. And it really pisses me off. My clients, these are really badly injured people. Or people who died. So I want to give them some piece of justice, and I can. But I always say this to them: “No matter how many millions of dollars you get, it will never replace what you lost.”
How many lawyers are working for you. 15?
It’s like 17. None of them are as handsome as I am.
If your firm takes my case, what are the odds you’ll be representing me?
I work 24/7, and I go through file after file after file. If there’s ever a problem, I jump in. But I have, I think, nearly 80 people that work for me overall. So I make sure that the clients are serviced correctly. If I hear that somebody is not, they get the horns!
I did a little clip search on you and found a couple of items that were fun. Is it true that you dated a Playboy model, Stephanie Adams, who was later the first playmate to come out as a lesbian?
Yeah. It didn’t bother me.
I read the rest of her story, which I’m not putting in my blog, because it is a major, major downer.
That was a terrible story, yeah?3 So yeah, I dated before I got married. I got married later in life.
You also sued a Manhattan Bentley dealership after it screwed up your car repair.
Oh, my God, you looked that up? Okay, that was nonsense. You want to hear that story? So I have a Bentley. Yes, I’m rich. One of my guys, I told him to go and get it washed or something. I don’t know what it was. He gets into a car accident...We took the car to be fixed. They advertised themselves as an authorized Bentley repair shop, but they weren’t.
You still drive the Bentley?
I traded it in for a Bentley SUV because I have kids. So, yes, I drive a Bentley and I love it. It’s great car.
Do you ever take the subway just to see your ads?
Of course I do! I love to see myself. That’s why I like looking in the mirror. Yesterday, oh my God. See that pane of glass over there? It was reflective, because of the sun. So I just sat there for the whole day, looking at myself. I had nothing else to do.
How many homes do you own in each borough?
Can I tell that? See, I’m concerned about my kids. Let’s just say I live in Manhattan. I live in a beautiful, amazing condo on the 61st floor, with my children and my wife. It’s a huge, huge apartment! So, yes, it’s because I make so much money.
I was also going to ask if you have like, ten wives and 70 children.
No. One wife and two children. And both of them are amazing kids and amazing martial artists.
What’s your hope for them?
I would love for the one of them to become a lawyer. I really would love for the other to become a doctor, because I think she has that nurturing, wanting-to-fix-it thing about her.
Will you pay for your kids to go to college?
I’m gonna let the little bastards starve! No, if they want to go to college, I’ll pay for it.
What are your favorite New York City hangouts?
God, there’s so many places. Sparks. I love steaks.
How many steaks can you eat?
Definitely, after working out, I’m famished. A porterhouse, easy. I don’t actually eat it, I just swallow it whole. And also in Brooklyn, Peter Lugar is amazing. That’s my second favorite steakhouse. Mets games, Yankee games, my kids love the Knicks—we saw the Knicks last week. All the Broadway shows, that’s fun. And there’s no better frank footer than a New York frank footer. But you got to ask the price first or you’ll end up with a ten-dollar frank footer.
Another thing I love about the ads is that you look like you’re having fun.
I always have fun wherever I go, because what I do, I love it. It’s a great profession, because you get to help people, and you also get to affect change, by punishing the hospital, or in that case with the children, punishing the Board of Ed. It puts a smile on my face.
What advice would you give to others who want to be happy? Because not everyone can be a personal injury lawyer!
Follow me around for the day and watch me slam people. Watch me slam defense attorneys and insurance companies and stick up for people that really need protection. I think they’d have a lot of fun. I know that because I’ve had people come to court and watch me, and they have vicarious fun, watching me slam.
Could my readers follow you around for a day?
Sure they can! But they better not mess with me. You know why?
Why?
Because when you mess with The Bull, you get the horns!!
He’s right! TopDog is actually a national outfit with offices in more than 30 cities—and it’s headquartered in #$%^% Scottsdale!
The Bull graduated from Benjamin Cardozo Law School in 1990 after four years of college and getting his masters at Columbia. You do the math!
Don’t read this Wikipedia account of her life unless you want to feel seriously bummed out.
"Who’s the artist?
We really don’t want to talk about that because we don’t want him being stolen from us."
its because it's AI.
ANNE!!! I have literally sat on the subway wishing YOU would interview this guy! This is GOLD.