86 Comments

I grew up in Mill Basin, 500 years ago. Here is a flavor of the neighborhood.

When one family was having their son's Bar-Mitzvah at one of the local synagogues, they contacted their senator/congressmen and had the flight paths from JFK changed for the day so the airplane noise would not interfere with their celebration.

Was he an oligarch, mafia boss, plumber?

No comment.

Again - thanks for the brighter Monday with your substack!

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Ah! Finally I know someone from Mill Basin!

And that is a GREAT story. I love it when reality matches the stereotype. Thanks mordy!!

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Thank you! And for the record I am neither a mafia boss or a plumber...

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You did NOT just diss oatmilk!!! Oh, Anne, how could you!

For the lactose intolerant amongst your devoted fans, you have no idea what a game-changer oat milk has been for making lattes. Unlike almond milk, which I find has an unpleasant aftertaste, and soy milk, which is thin and watery, oat milk makes for a rich and creamy latte that is such a huge improvement.

But as an Anne Super Fan, I shall forgive you, for you know what milk alternative you slandered.

Also, I've recently been considering trying a Pumpkin Spice Latte. I shall try it and report back the results!

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Oh, I am totally with you that oat milk is the best option if one can't milk it up, Mr. Jensen.

Would love to get your take on the PSL!

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I’m a lactose intolerant person. I do coconut milk in a protein shake but it’s awful in a latte. I wish I could have whole milk again. Go Anne!

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I tried coconut milk in a latte exactly once and made such a face the barista made it over with soy milk for free. 😂😂😂

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You are a sweet lady, rejoicing in with the milk-related happiness of others. Go Carissa!

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This issue felt like its Anne Kadetish tendencies made it likely it was inspired by a ChatGPT query. It is refreshing to know that ChatGPT embraces racial stereotyping for Russians as if they never learn sentence structure...geez "You know, Anne, America is (the) land of opportunity." Good know that ChatGPT figures immigrants are static and don't speak the language...reminds me a whole lot of what many Americans think.

Onto the HOPEFULLY human-originated writing. (1) I knew it was vintage Anne when you drew your normal line in the sand that the only milk worth drinking is the mammary extracted variety -- presumably you prefer it chilled though. (2) pumpkin talk -- One can manage about a 5# pumpkin pie for less than the cost of that chemically laden drink you sampled if you sneak into Costco. Maybe someone will kindly get you a gift certificate so you can get an under $7 pumpkin pie (it is actually made from a hybrid squash) (3) I am thrilled to have yet another case that people are the same everywhere and the appeal of the McMansion remains strong even if you live in NYC. (4) Your photo with the drummer boy makes it seem you picked up where you left off as you both look happy to be there. (5) Maybe you can ask your writing assistant to share a photo of what you might look like with weaved eyebrows -- As always the Cafe never disappoints.

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I'm glad you picked up on that Mark! Yes, it struck me as well that so many stereotypes were embedded in that one AI-generated conversation. It was really something to see! But yes, the bot is totally just a reflection of us.

1) Oh no I am all about the steamed milk if I can get somene to steam it for me!

2) So funny you are still pushing that Costco pumpkin pie. I still have my $35 gift card. WHEN am I going to hit the Costco Cafe?

3) And yet New Yorkers look down on the suburbs with their McMansions. Also human nature!

4) Pete is a real sweetie and all-around good guy.

5) LOL I'm sure there's an app for generating eyebrows. I'll have a look.

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As an investor, it is a blast to understand how ChatGPT made the product. Mostly by hoovering up existing content without paying for it. I guess it just means there was a bunch of bad dialog in screenplays portraying Russians and Oligarchs. Content is now INCREDIBLY HARDER to steal and the big owners (FB, YouTube, Google, X) have a great advantage. A friend commented that it is not surprising that Grok is coarse and odious, it is based on the data on Twitter/X :) (1) You are wise since anything we coax out of a mammary gland should probably be steamed (2) I could not resist since we both agreed this is the least of the pies -- btw one of my sons is hosting thanksgiving this year -- he has always felt that Turkey is the least of the meats so we can't wait for Thanksgiving 2.0 -- the great thing about your procrastination is the only prices that go up at Costco are the membership. You can still get a 1/4+ hotdog and a fountain drink for $1.50 (3) I had an old work colleague who easily coined one of my all-time favorite expressions which readily applies to most people who are sure they are smarter than others and love to look down on people who think differently -- "They are as happy as if they had good sense." (4) Maybe, if you do a new version of your theme song, Pete can be the guest drummer (5) I think I can do this in SnapChat.

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I think I love a story that doesn't go as planned as much or more than one that stays pretty close to script. Even "I tried this and mostly failed" is a good story! The owner of the grooming salon seems like a real treasure. I want to hear stories about his tattoos.

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OH! And I hope you take that guy up on his offer to talk some other time. I'd be curious to hear what he has to say.

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I still got his number so maybe I will!

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Same.

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Yes. I love tattoo stories.

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Mill Basin sounds extremely boring. Sorry, Anne! Many moons ago I worked at a Starbucks, back when we were required to wear khakis and black polo shirts, and we had the self serve milk, cream and sugar. That is where I learned that you could request your coffee to be steamed to a specific temperature - how the hell could you tell!? It's also where I learned all the wacky things people would request. Some sneaky guests would get an espresso shot or two over ice and then proceed to make themselves an iced latte using the free milk at the bar. Thus saving themselves a few bucks. I loathed my short time there. Frappe-hour was the worst!

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Justin, it's true. Mill Basin is boring compared to most NYC neighborhoods. I was so happy when I took the bus back and transferred to the Q and real city life with all the mess and noise.

But I DO like the fact that NYC includes places like Mill Basin that are complete anomalies and could not exist in any other town.

And oh man I'm jealous of your work history, I'd LOVE to work at a Starbucks if only for a week or so. Frappe-hour, haha! Is that when the kids get out of school?

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I’m not sure if Frappe hour is still a thing but yes, it used to occur right when kids got out of school. Making 8 different frappacinos from the Starbucks “secret menu” was hell on earth. The morning shift was the best to work because it had a bunch of regulars and you knew their order already. The afternoon/evening was when it got whacky.

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i used to work at a barnes and noble with a starbucks, and the "secret menu" stuff was so wild back then - can't imagine how bad it is now with tiktok. as employees we had a good hack going of doing a free cup of water and ring up a matcha add on for like 30 cents to make iced matcha, until we got stopped lol

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Anne, I love Mill Basin almost as much as I hate Pumpkin Spice! I’m on Zillow now, gawking. It reminds me of certain sections of Miami Beach where the dogs have their own car and driver.

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Yes! I got Miami Beach vibes as well, Marina. It's this sort of international High Weirdness architecture embraced by a certain sort of jet-setter.

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Anne, seven-and-half-minutes into your interview with Pete Solomita and he asks about the book! Yes. That one! and you look at the camera, then you give a thumbs up sign and say something like ‘I have a sub, a few who push the idea’* (Can I ask, Anne,how many mock-ups do you have?). Well, I stopped there and then. When I come back from the osteopath I am off to with a dodgy shoulder, I will watch the remaining 57 minutes with enthusiasm and read the post of course.

NOTE.* I made up the last few words up. At my age, 80, even with my hearing aids in, you speak at the speed of a NY Subway express.🐰

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aka Kevin, I am pretty sure I speak slower than 99% of all New Yorkers.

I hope your doc visit goes well!

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My kids go to summer camp in Mill Basin, which is run out of the El Caribe “Country Club” by a guy named Jack who wears a different costume every day. Come back in the summer, when MB really pops off!

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Dern! Sounds like I missed out on a real character, Phoebe. I did spot the El Caribe "Country Club" but it looked like your standard waterfront events venues.

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My two favorite sub stackers are you and Rob Stevenson. I was glad to hear that you know or follow him. I often send your Substack articles to my grandson who lives on Montague St. so he could read of your antics 😅🤭and perhaps visit some of the places you’ve been to. I enjoyed reading about your visit to Mill Basin.

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Oh isn't Rob Stephenson just the best? So glad to be included with him in your faves, Charlotte. And thanks for forwarding to your grandson! He probably lives right around the corner from me.

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"What a stupid day." I laughed out loud for at least a full minute.

It's funny, Forest Hills has a similar Russian McMansion section (on the north side of Queens Blvd, just across from the tidy Tudors of FH Gardens); my "favorite" one has an exterior made entirely of blue marble.

P.S. Those dogs were cuuuuuuute. <3

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Yes, this story had me thinking about that part of Forest Hills, Emily! It's more towards Rego Park, yes? And if I recall correctly, the mansions there function even more like compounds, with those high concrete walls and security cameras.

I was trying to figure out which dogs—you must mean the Shiny Paws instagram! Yes, they for sure have a certain style.

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Dyed dog hair. Instagram trends trickling down. Depressing doesn't even begin to cover it... I'm glad you could save your eyebrows, Anne! And how come ChatGPT knows you so well? Or did YOU write it? 🤩🤩🤩

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No this was really ChatGPT, Jessica. It was a little spooky. It actually prefaced the dialogue with a little intro: "Here’s a fun and quirky dialogue between Anne Kadet (a journalist known for her offbeat stories) and a character from Mill Basin, Brooklyn..."

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WOW. This is quite freakish, isn't it.

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I agree. No wonder the writers and actors went on strike. It’s obviously been copying everything for years, and is very good at regurgitating it.

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I didn’t say exclusively cartel bosses and oligarchs. Disgraced state senators and Michael Cohen’s uncle also call the neighborhood home. Sorry your interview requests were rebuffed. Thankfully that is something I never have to worry about.

Also, I’ve heard camel is the new hot milk.

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OMG that NYT article is hilarious and everyone should read:

" The house is owned by two never-married middle-aged brothers, Drs. Michael S. and Gerard I. Turano, gynecologists whose 39-foot yacht, Special Delivery, is often docked out back. They live there with their mother, Dorothy, 73, a Brooklyn native who manages the local community board."

https://www.nytimes.com/2011/03/20/nyregion/20turanos.html

And holy crow I thought you were kidding about the camel milk but you're right it's a thing.

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Okay, both of these definitely get a mention in the next issue!

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Milk it!

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Love that portrait of the groomer owner!

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Thank you!

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I love reading your substack! :D

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Awww thank you Andrea! That makes me very happy to hear!

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Milk is the new milk! You always make me laugh.

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Yay that makes me happy. Thank you Mary!

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Love your perseverance. You got to see a Russian ‘oligarch’, his yacht and were invited for dinner, with caviar. If you time it right, you could take in a sunset cruise. Sublime.

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LOL. That's right, Marcia. It all worked out in the AI-generated end!

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one of the biggest houses here was in Sean Baker's new movie Anora! huge and absolutely insane

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Oh you're right Alexia! I just Googled and came up with this:

https://www.curbed.com/article/anora-mansion-location-mill-basin-brooklyn-russian-oligarch-anisimov.html

That house is a BEAST!!!

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