Meet the Real-Life Party Animals!
Plus! Turnstile poll results!! A final message from Diallo!!!
Hello everyone,
Welcome to Issue #128 of CAFÉ ANNE!
As you’ll recall, last week’s issue included a poll regarding a burning subway etiquette question: if two people approach the turnstile at the same time, who has the right of way? The person entering the station, or the person leaving?
The results are in!
With more than 500 readers voting, I was surprised to find the results almost evenly split, with 41% saying folks entering the station have the right of way, and 48% percent saying it’s the people leaving. No wonder there’s so much chaos underground! You’d think we’d have this settled by now.
Both sides made a strong case. Those in favor of letting folks out of the station first note that the riders have likely been enduring an unpleasant experience and deserve immediate relief. “Follows the same rules as boarding the train: let people off the crowded, space-limited area so that you have room to move in,” said reader Dane B.
Those voting for the folks going in said they have the right of way because a delay might make them miss their train. Which makes also sense!
But the most convincing case was made by those who say it’s situational. Reader Peter S. put it most succinctly in an email:
“Who has right of way depends. If a train is sitting in the station or entering, then you let people enter first so they can catch their train.
If no train is in sight, then the person entering is just going to be standing around the platform anyway—so you may as well let people exit.”
Can we all just agree that this is the way?
I was extremely pleased, meanwhile, that 11% opted for “Me, always and forever.” I sometimes worry that CAFÉ ANNE appeals only to the tenderhearted, and was gratified to learn the readership includes a respectable number of unapologetic monsters.
No new paid subscribers to thank this week. But I did get some sweet Venmo contributions to help defray the cost of the $277 long-distance call I made to Diallo in my effort solve the kidnapped iPad mystery. Thank you Joel B. and Miranda L.!
Speaking of which, those who have been following the iPad mystery story will be interested to learn that I got one last text last week from Diallo, in French, which Google Translate interpreted as follows:
“Madam Hello Madam today, I went to DHL to bring your luggage. But they told me that you have to pay there. If you pay to DHL there, they will bring the message to tell the one who is in Guinea here. and they fished the luggage it is by kilo. He brings it out 1 kilo 500 grams, They said the price is one million 290,000 Guinean francs that it must cost it will be 140 dollars. even if it is tomorrow go pay there I bring the luggage here or bring you the 140 dollars. I pay there but I want to give you back. Frankly did it to me too I will get rid of it. Madam trust me in the name of God you will receive your business”
Wot? Re-reading this, I am laughing again. Perhaps some mysteries are better left unsolved.
I am very excited for this week’s issue, of course. I asked all the tough questions about renting live animals for parties so you don’t have to. Please enjoy.
Regards!
Anne
FEATURE
Meet the Real-Life Party Animals!
If I ever win the lottery, or get rich off this newsletter—or both!—my dream is to open the world's largest petting zoo right here in NYC, with free admission for all.
Meanwhile, I've been looking into animals I can rent for my next big party. Reader, the options go way beyond the usual ponies for kids. So far, far beyond…
Andrea Parent-Tibbetts, who owns Clover Brooke Farm in Hyde Park, NY, will rent you a friend from her stable of 28 llamas and alpacas. While the animals are down for any kind of party, they specialize in weddings—sort of like furry bridesmaids for hire.
"It's a good conversation point. When people come to weddings, they’re not all related. We come in during cocktail hour and it starts the conversation among the guests," said Ms. Parent-Tibbetts.
Llamas are popular these days, but Ms. Parent-Tibbetts pushes the alpacas because they are less intimidating and easier to transport. A llama needs a trailer, but she can fit two alpacas in her Honda Element. "They'll hop right in and lie down immediately,” she said.
The standard $750 package includes two (2) alpacas or llamas for 90 minutes, plus an extra $75 travel fee if the event takes place beyond a 50-mile radius.
"Do they eat wedding cake?" I asked.
"No, they do not," said Ms. Parent-Tibbetts.
"Do the animals enjoy the parties?"
They're a lot like people, it turns out. Some are rescues who weren't raised to socialize. They hate parties and decline all invitations! But some are outgoing, perhaps to a fault. Nineteen-year-old Biscotti, for example has been known to kiss guests without permission. "Most people love it. Some are intimidated because he's a tall llama," said Ms. Parent-Tibbets.
Clover Brooke’s party animals are also available for Zoom calls. A 10-minute corporate meeting cameo costs $75. You can add a sheep, baby goat or baby rabbit for an additional $40.
Llamas are better than alpacas on Zoom, said Ms. Parent-Tibbetts: "They keep eye contact with the camera better. The alpacas can be skittish."
The Zoom package was especially popular during the pandemic, when companies used the service to lighten up online meetings. "The LA Rams was the funniest one," she said. "It was really awkward. They just didn't know what to think. You'd have these big football people saying, "Is that a llama?'"
Dan KekoaAlaka’i will rent you a party snake. The owner of New York Rent A Snake ("For All Your Snake Needs") has 116 serpents waiting for an invite in his Bronx warehouse—including pythons, boas and black king snakes. Rates start at $300 an hour.
He's been working with reptiles for more than 30 years, and set up shop in 1998 when he started renting out his animal friends for photo shoots. I asked what he likes about snakes.
"I see them as all-powerful, all-mighty, and just an amazing creature," said Mr. KekoaAlaka’i. "I guess you can say it's survival at its best. They represent strength. This is a creature that doesn't have ears, poor eyesight, and they are able to survive with no limbs."
"That's not easy!" I said.
"No it's not, but they do it," said Mr. KekoaAlaka’i. "And if this creature can survive, I can forget all my aches and pains and just get up and do what I have to do."
Parties are a very small piece of his business—it's mostly photo and video jobs. "I can't tell you how many Adam-and-Eve photo shoots I've done since starting this," he said.
"What can a snake add to a party?" I asked.
"It's a status symbol—'I brought this exotic animal,'" said Mr. KekoaAlaka’i. "People want the 'wow' factor. Some do it for social media."
The last party he snake-catered was thrown by a bunch of models on Long Island. Mr. KekoaAlaka’i wasn't clear the theme. "It could have been a rap party," he said.
A good snake for a party, he said, is the Ball Python. “They’re cute. They stay in a little ball. You can put them on a table. You can have the kids come over and touch them. You don't need to worry about them running off."
And how do guests react to party snakes? "In every situation, it's the women who are most curious and willing to step out of their comfort zone," he said. "Men are always the most anxious."
"Maybe it's the Eve-snake connection!” I said.
"Maybe it is!" he agreed.
Note to self: snakes—good for baby showers, bachelor parties not so much!
The next option I checked out, Benay's Bird & Animal Rentals, is on the other side of the country—Southern California. But they will travel! And checking out the website, I was amazed to see all the animals on offer.
They were divided into two categories: "Trained for hire," and simply "for hire," which I am guessing means not trained.
“Trained for hire” options include dogs, cats, coyotes, squirrels, skunks, prairie dogs, ground hogs, raccoons, foxes, coyotes, rabbits and farm animals.
“For hire,” includes butterflies, roaches, spiders and reptiles.
This company also specializes in animal rentals for film and video production, and I was intrigued to read the following exchange on the website's FAQ:
Q. I have a script that requires a bear, dog, lion/etc. to attack talent. Is this possible?
A. We have many different types of trained exotic/domestic animals that can do “hits” on talent. We also have SAG/AFTRA trainers that can double as talent for the more dangerous encounters. Actor and animal safety are our top priorities.
I had questions of my own, of course. The owner, Benay, was not available for a call, but she kindly agreed to answer a couple questions via email. Please enjoy our exchange, below!
I am amazed at all the different animals you have available for film and video productions. Which of these animals are available for parties?
Other than our large carnivores, pretty much most of them.
If you had to pick one animal to rent for your own party, which animal would it be?
It would depend on the theme. For my daughter's engagement party, we had a pair of beautiful swans floating in our pool. I love using our storks for gender reveals. But also beer donkeys and flamingos.
Of the animals available for parties, which seem to enjoy partying the most?
All of the animals that we use for events are chosen for those types of adventures because they enjoy the experience. For instance, our swans absolutely love doing events, as they get to go to new places and swim in different beautiful types of water features.
The parrots get super excited because they are usually chosen for theme parties with lots of colorful decorations (which they love) and fun music.
Our beer donkeys get so excited when we pull out the coolers for their saddles, as they know that they will get a lot of attention and usually get decorated with beautiful flowers.
So then I had to ask the obvious follow-up question: "What is a beer donkey?"
"A beer donkey," Benay wrote back, "is a donkey with coolers that contain beer, and guests love getting them from them."
Of course!
Is a pig party a good idea? Adult pigs weigh up to 700 pounds, and can be very aggressive! But NY Teacup Piggies, (“Pigs for any occasion!”) won’t annhilate your event with a raging boar. They rent out miniature piglets the size of a bunny.
Co-owners Laura and Greg Anderson, who rescue and breed mini pigs, raise the animals to be indoor pets. They have twelve running around their home and five acres of land in Hazlet, NJ. "None of our pigs are caged," said Ms. Anderson, in an email response to my questions. "Everybody free-roams and is super happy."
The pigs are available for corporate gigs, engagements and something called a "Husband/Wife Surprise," which, sadly, I neglected to ask about. The service costs $399 an hour for three pigs. Additional piglets cost $65 each, and you can extend the party for $75 per half hour.
I was especially curious to learn what piglets do at corporate events. "We’ve done many corporate offices for therapy week in Manhattan," replied Ms. Anderson. "A lot of our piglets are registered therapy pigs, and the way that the office staff interacts with the piglets is they will sit inside the pen with them, hold them, pet them and give them treats."
Therapy week? Registered therapy pigs? This was raising more questions than it was answering, but Ms. Anderson made it clear she was super busy with her pig rescue efforts, and I didn't want to overwhelm her.
I did follow up, however, to ask what pigs eat at parties, and was a little disappointed to learn it's not pigs in a blanket, or birthday cake. They bring their own commercially-produced mini pig pellets.
"They know they get tons of treats and special attention at the parties, so they actually do enjoy it," said Ms. Anderson. "And we can tell because when they are at the parties and events, their tails wag the most."
Last but not least, who doesn't love a goat? They’re like dogs—friendly and curious—but with cool horns, cloven hooves and weird, rectangular pupils that make them look downright Satanic. So of course you’d want a few on hand for a party.
The closest party goat biz I could find was Kaizen Ridge Farm in Victor, New York. “Get in touch today, you would love what our herd of goats can do!” was the alluring promise on its website. “We can book our goats for whatever project a goat can improve."
When I got him on the phone, owner Jay Sherman told me that goats are not his main gig. He manages two local car dealerships. But his wife and son also help on the farm.
While the spread was originally his grandfather's dairy farm, it's now home to more than 28 rentable goats including Nigerian Dwarf and Angora models, plus 26 sheep, chickens, ducks and "Yeti the Livestock Guardian Dog."
Mr. Sherman is especially proud to offer the Valais Blacknose, the "World's Cutest Sheep," which he breeds and sells to hobby farmers. The rare variety is native to Switzerland, and you can't import a whole live animal. "We import embryos and semen to get this breed," said Mr. Sherman. "If you can imagine what it costs to fly in frozen embryos!"
"So what does a goat add to a party?" I asked, totally playing dumb.
"The first thing is uniqueness," said Mr. Sherman. "People are surprised if they go somewhere and there's a goat…Everywhere you go, most people have a dog, but you've probably never been to a party with a goat.”
"And then if it's a friendly goat, it jumps up on you and you can hold it," he continued. "People are pleasantly surprised how friendly and affectionate they can be."
Indeed, some people rent goats just to have them hanging around the yard for an afternoon, because they make such excellent companions.
The farm charges $100 per hour, "And we rarely bring just one goat," said Mr. Sherman. "Goats are pack animals, and not happy single."
He also offers goat yoga, for $20 to $30 per human participant, which I don't understand. Why would you ruin a perfectly good goat party with yoga?
Like most folks who rent out party animals, Mr. Sherman says he must do so to support their care. He does a lot of goat rescue, in fact—22 goats this summer alone!
"We've been taking in goats that people don't want to avoid them going to the meat market," he said.
So let's be clear. If you rent a goat from Kaizen Ridge Farm, you can have a party, or do yoga, or ask it to mow your lawn, but you can't eat it. "They are our friends," said Mr. Sherman. "We are picky about where our goats go."
QUOTE OF THE WEEK
“Being a writer is cool because it’s like always having homework and then you die.”
—Charlene Bagcal
CAFÉ ANNE is a free weekly newsletter created by Brooklyn journalist Anne Kadet. Subscribe to get the latest issue every Monday!
Forget a native French speaker, you need to get some sheep on a zoom call with Diallo to convince him to send the iPad back. No one can say to no to a Valais Blacknose!
If a goat is getting off the subwayand a llama is getting on, which has the right of way if the goat isn't in a hurry and there's plenty of time for the llama to catch the train?