My iPad Went to Guinea and All I Got Was This Lousy $277 Phone Bill!
Plus! Turnstile Poll!! Weird Trash Heap #28!!! Eric Adams Watch!!!!
Hello everyone,
Welcome to Issue #127 of CAFÉ ANNE!
First, a correction! Last week, in my profile of Coney Island, I wrote that the neighborhood’s western boundary is West 34th Street. Wrong!
Not only does Coney Island stretch all the way to West 37th Street (a border shared with Seagate, a private community which charmingly surrounds itself with barbed wire), West 34th Street does not exist at all!
As my little brother alerted me, there’s a West 33rd and a West 35th in Coney Island, but no West 34th Street in-between. And the block that skips West 34 isn’t even extra wide. It’s as if whoever did the street numbering got drunk and left 34 out by accident. Weird!
Anyone know why?
Meanwhile, I’ve been very busy all week mulling a burning subway etiquette question suggested in this Instagram reel. If two people approach the turnstile at the same time, who has the right of way? The person entering the subway station, or the person leaving?
The logic seems obvious to me: the person going in has the right of way because they need to catch their train! But in real life, I instinctively stand aside for the folks leaving the station—the same way I let people off the subway car before I get on.
Clearly, it’s time for a reader poll. Please vote, and explain your thinking in the comments!
Finally, huge I-called-Guinea-to-Get-a-Good-Story shoutouts to new paid subscribers Chloe U., Peter G., Steven O., and Bill S., along with Ashley L. who sent me a nice tip via PayPal. That’s almost enough $$$ for pay the resulting phone bill! And your support, of course, helps keep the newsletter free for everyone. Thank you!!!
I’m very excited for this week’s issue, of course. We’ve got a new Weird Trash Photo, a new Eric Adams Watch and an update on the ongoing iPad mystery! Please enjoy.
Regards!
Anne
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Weird Trash Heap #28
Reader Kara in Bushwick recently spotted and photographed very fine sidewalk trash heap near I.S. 349, the School of Math, Science and Technology:
After scanning the overall tableau, I zoomed in on the flyer. Most of the text is too small to read, but the headline says “Montebello Road,” which I Googled and determined is a vintage home decor store in Campbell, California.
Kara focused on other elements of the heap. Her analysis?
“Eggplant is of course the universal emoji symbol for penis and sexual desire,” she said. “And then you have the baby socks. So it was just very strong reproductive energy in that garbage pile.”
Thanks Kara!
Please send your weird trash photo to annekadet@yahoo.com and I may include it in a future issue.
ERIC ADAMS WATCH
On Bathrooms, Summer Bodies and Revolutions
I continue to enjoy the exploits of Eric Adams, whom my friend Aharon refers to as “New York City’s first AI-generated Mayor.” As a profile in Politico put it, “In a city of weird people and weird mayors, Adams is maybe the most idiosyncratic figure to ever hold the office.”
Here, round-up #24 of the mayor’s doings:
May 30: In the midst of a high-profile campaign against his number one public enemy, rats (which recently included the appointment of an official “Rat Czar”), the Mayor is once again ticketed for harboring a rat infestation at the townhouse he owns in Bed-Stuy. It is his fifth rat violation since taking office in 2022.
June 6: In a speech announcing the installation of new public restrooms throughout the five boroughs, Mayor Adams invites everyone to use the bathroom at City Hall. “City Hall is a public building,” he says. “It’s the people’s house, it’s not my house. And if the people need the people’s house for their restroom facilities, I don’t see why they can’t!” A few days later, Hell Gate reporter Katie Way tries to take the Mayor up on his invitation, and is promptly stopped at the front gate. “You can’t go in,” a cop tells her. “There’s a Starbucks around the corner.”
June 12: When a reporter at a press conference asks about the latest pro-Palestinian demonstrations, the Mayor takes the conversation off-road. “You look like you’ve been working out, man,” Mayor Adams says. “You’ve got that summer body going!” One mayoral advisor sitting nearby shakes her head in disbelief, the New York Times reports, while another looks down and covers her eyes.
June 20: In a speech touting a string of appointments putting people of color in positions of power including a police commissioner, deputy mayor and chief of staff, the Mayor concludes, “We got all this chocolate running the city!”
July 6: “The trash revolution is here—and the rats are furious!!” Mayor Adams posts on Instagram. He is referring to the new official city trash bin. The program was launched after a $4 million McKinsey study revealed that bins are better than loose bags when it comes to containing trash. (Want your own official NYC garbage bin? You can pre-order one from the city for just $45.88!)
DEPT. OF UNSOLVED CRIMES
My iPad Went to Guinea and All I Got was This Lousy $277 Phone Bill!
Last month, I accidentally left my tote bag—containing my iPad, keys, hoodie and AirPods—behind on the platform bench when I got on the 4 train at Brooklyn Borough Hall. When I returned ten minutes later, it was gone, and no one had turned it into the station booth clerk. I figured that was the end of the story. I even bought a used, $170 iPad to replace the old one.
But as readers who are following this tale will recall, a few weeks later I got a strange email. It was from someone named Diallo, and it was in French. “I have your tablet," Diallo wrote. "I pick it up at the train station. I wanted to give you."
A second email included proof—a photo of my iPad displaying pictures of me that I'd stored in my digital photo library.
A series of text exchanges ensued, including the following:
Anne: Could I have your address? Can I come get my iPad?
Diallo: You are visit to Africa. You are coming to Africa.
Anne: I have to come to Africa?
Diallo: Yeah, yeah.
Anne: Why? Where are you?
Diallo: Me, Guinea.
Anne: How did my iPad get to Guinea?
Diallo: Call me tomorrow, today you speak French, you call me.
Diallo was texting from a 224 country code—the designation for Guinea, a French-speaking nation in West Africa. But was my iPad really overseas? And assuming this was some sort of scam, what kind of scam was it? I imagined an international ring of iPad traffickers holding devices for ransom.
That's when I asked CAFÉ ANNE readers for help.
"Should I fly to Guinea to rescue my tablet and favorite hoodie?" I wrote in Issue #125. "That could make a great story! Or if Diallo turns out to be in Brooklyn, do I offer a reward for the return of my tote bag?"
Boy, did I get deluged! My favorite responses came from folks who agreed this could a great adventure.
"So when can we expect the Café Anne Guinea edition?" Rob S. in Brooklyn wrote in the comments. "Royal Air Maroc has a roundtrip flight for under $800 from JFK. That's about the same price as a new iPad."
"I definitely think you should fly to Africa to meet this gentleman," agreed Micheal G. "It will make a great story. Your last, but still great."
Others suggested Diallo was likely still in NYC, and encouraged a retrieval mission.
"This guy seems like a joker and a prankster. He probably lives nearby. Don’t offer any reward. Offer to meet him in a public place—and bring a squad with you anonymously, strategically placed. Grab the iPad and run," urged Gundy in Wisconsin. "He may be wearing your hoodie, so goodbye to that. Then change your phone number."
Some other fun ideas:
"This person is very clearly scamming you," said Eden in Brooklyn. "But why not mess with their head a bit? Do you have your photos backed up? I say send them a picture of your new iPad with the same photos visible and act like you've managed to get your iPad back. They'll be so confused!"
"Tell Diallo that your contact at Interpol is looking into it," said Erika.
Others predicted Diallo’s next move. "My best guess is that whoever found your iPad sold it to someone," wrote Jon. "If the iPad is connected to an iCloud account, then it’s useless until you remove it from the iCloud account. I bet that this French guy will try to get you to remove it."1
And several sent me a link to this story in Gothamist, written by another New Yorker who got caught up in what sounds like a similar scenario.
But I was vibing most with the email from Tom M. "My guess is that your tote bag is in the possession of someone of rather low intelligence who is trying to figure out a way to get money from you but doesn't have a plan," he wrote. "Do you have a friend who speaks French and can call him and deal with him, lure him into a meeting? Ideally, the friend would be a cop."
Haha! I don't know any French-speaking cops, but I do have a friend from France, “Penelope,” who is here on a work visa. She kindly agreed to serve as a translator on a three-way call with Diallo.
When we rang him Friday afternoon, Diallo picked up right away and chatted with Penelope for a very long time. He was a long talker! Finally, Penelope interrupted to address me in English.
Diallo indeed found my tote bag in the subway station, she told me. His friends told him he shouldn't keep it, but he was afraid to turn it into the police because of his immigration status. "Then he brought it back to Africa," she said. "So now the question—what do you want to do?"
"I'm just curious what he wants me to do so I can get my stuff back," I said.
They chatted in French for another five minutes before Penelope addressed me again. "Anne, I need to talk to you separately," she said. "Can we hang up and then I'll call you?"
"He claims his mom got really sick so he went back to Africa, but now he regrets it," she said when we were on the line alone. "He's having a really bad life there. It's horrible. And he wants to come back to the US, and he wants to know if you can help him."
They had discussed, among other options, the idea of me paying for Diallo's plane ticket so he could return my belongings in person.2
Oh boy. I told Penelope to thank Diallo for his trouble and tell him he could keep my stuff.
But when we rang Diallo back, there was a surprising twist. "He said he's not comfortable keeping something that's not his," Penelope reported, following another long exchange in French. "He's not that kind of person. So he's offering to bring it to a DHL office in Guinea and have them ship it, and then DHL will invoice you directly. I think it's very honorable of him. He seems to be genuinely wanting to return your things to you."
Yay! I almost didn't mind when I learned that the calls cost me $277 in international calling charges. Whoops!34
The next day, I emailed Diallo and told him the only thing I really wanted back was the little silver card case that I use to carry my CAFÉ ANNE business cards. It was a gift from my dad, I explained, and has sentimental value.
I didn't provide my home address, of course—Diallo has my keys!—but I gave him the address of a nearby DHL shipping center in Brooklyn, and told him I'd be sure to compensate him for his time and trouble.
And then today I finally got a response. Diallo, alas, is now insisting that I provide my home address. Zoiks! So I suppose he's a grifter after all, and not even a clever one. It's funny how sad I'm feeling about this! I really wanted to give you all a story with a happy ending.5
But I can choose to believe a version of the tale suggested by my friend Adriana in the Bronx, and maybe you can, too.
"It is really exciting for your iPad that it went all the way to Guinea!" she wrote. "I think the iPad was tired of riding the subway and being confined to a cotton tote. It sought the high seas, seafood and vibrant hand-woven baskets. It maybe also wanted to be part of a bigger family, or family business. I’m sure your iPad loved you, but maybe it was having a mid-life crisis and it’s not personal at all...I’m so happy for you both!"
Many thanks to those who suggested various steps I can take to protect my data. I have taken “all” “appropriate” “measures.”
Diallo also suggested I help him get a visa.
Please do not write to alert me to the existence of WhatsApp. There is a long and boring story behind why I did not use WhatsApp to call Diallo.
When I called AT&T to explain that I did not realize I’d incur these bonkers international calling charges, and begged for mercy, it issued a $50 credit. Which is better than nothing!
Although maybe if my dad happens to be a footnote reader, he will see this and get me a new biz card case for Christmas!
CAFÉ ANNE is a free weekly newsletter created by Brooklyn journalist Anne Kadet. Subscribe to get the latest issue every Monday!
I feel like the Eric Adams Watch just keeps getting better... or do I mean worse?! I'm not exactly sure, but it reads like a surrealist comedy!
I also loved Adriana's spin on your iPad's adventures. I hope s/he is happy in Guinea!
“There is a long and boring story behind why I did not use WhatsApp to call Diallo.” Ma’am, no story of yours could be boring. Give it to us.