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first of all let me be the first to say that if this is the kind of perfect piece you come up with after a few weeks basking in the radiation from nuclear reactors aside lake Ontario why not book a cabana closer to the core next timeand not just annually! i laughed (U.S. Open crowd: "losers") i cried ( "do not crawl on animals. they've had enough") basically the story of my life....i scratched balding pate with wonder at the photo of Aharon with whom i have wanted direct contact with for months even if he is actually Mayor Adams whom you have convinced to slip into a meat-suit somehow....you no doubt with that smile could charm any Pied Piper swarm.......all that said i read this briefly just now on cell phone and determined to bring up that photo on lap-top for closer examination gave up what remains of this lackluster Monday to get any more work done and to be honest ive done fuck all anyways so dont even care . Aharon!!! you look like Anne just admitted to giving ME your e-mail. The fact she sent "Forrest" this picture and not me i will attempt to take in stride...as for your apprehension of my name it made me laugh (and cry). I guess "Forrest" more likely summons the kind of RISDee or Tesla cafeteria ambience that Anne would favor fro drinking coffee and cracking open old issues of 'People" magazine. (oh and btw Aharon if you go back and get the issue from August with Jenna Bush on the cover you'll see the first words uttered out of her mouth were in regards to my sister Lily the novelist who actually DID make her cry!! i put that in there only to continue thed self-serving nature of this response and also to tempt you into further correspondence, if, of course you actually exist and there are YET doubts as Anne once remarked to one of my past comments on here "and 'Appleton King' the best name EVER!!" so the similarity with fascination of name does get my suspicions going again...) shit its past noon the day can STILL be salvaged and this thread may yet go down in history thus also salvaging the "reality" that while i have no progeny to carry on the name i may live forever in this corner of the internet...i'd include a photo here but like the elephant it would be like it looked like in the 80's Aharon Lives!@!! im so tickled

i think

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Okay Mr. King this gets my vote for comment of the year. I'd like to loop it and have it play endlessly on a scrolling digital billboard in Times Square. Beyond that I am not even going to ATTEMPT a response.

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Sep 11, 2023·edited Sep 11, 2023Liked by Anne Kadet

ohhhh me likey that idea!!!! my ego is akin to one a those cannibalistic plants from Little Shop of Horrors ie "feeed me feeed me!!" (and no Anne they dont sell ring dings there) unfortunately all the eyes really read in Times Sq. i imagine are sets of other eyes to see if they aren't about to get pickpocketed or otherwise scammed.....i let Aharon off easy dissing my name so to continue:

"Appleton" makes one think of estates awarded to like a knight from the Crusades or funder of the Mayflower construction "Aharon" sounds like when a young mother is determined to name her boy "Aaron" but slipped and fell into a tumble-dryer heeeeeheeee

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Aharon is an Israeli name. You know for those who climbed off the Exodus.

Anne - I know Appleton so I feel comfortable sharing with him. And you did pay him an amazing compliment. May I pay you one as well- in the old days of many newspapers in each city there were wonderful, wonderous columnists who discovered joys of the city in which they lived, shared their friendships with their readers and then many had compilations of their columns published as books. My favorite is H. Allen Smith… you can find his compilations either on. Amazon or in the main branch of the BPL. And having spent a good deal of time getting on and off the train at that very Avenue H subway station when I was in college - it’s quite nice to see it not only well decorated artistically but a great place for retired humans!

You and Apple would make a great newspaper columnist team - but substack is almost as good

( maybe ultimately better - reaches more people! )

Cheers to both of you

And L’shana Tovah to Aharon, if he celebrates. Happy 5784 !

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Wow thank you for your kind words Amy! It's fo un to hear from a Friend of Appleton.

I would love to have my stories compiled in a book someday, wouldn't we all? And I will check out favorite H. Allen Smith. In fact, I just put his "best of" on hold at the BPL.

I have to say though, that I actually DID write a newspaper column for 13 years and writing on Substack is a LOT more fun!

Cheers!

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haha a "friend of Appleton" you make that sound like the Last of the Mohicans or a rare plant you get a felony for stepping on after wandering off carefully marked mountain-top nature trail....i ask you can a "bot" express THIS kind of insecurity??? lol

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Sep 12, 2023Liked by Anne Kadet

I have modified the space laser to blast Appleton with honey. Shana tova to you too.

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what? im supposed to like SHARE spotlight with someone??!! ohhhh noooooooooo

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Ooooh touché

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Sep 12, 2023Liked by Anne Kadet

anne he knows about the meat suit

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i swear

i wont tell anyone

(else)

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I just know some crank in New York is going to complain about the silliness and waste of time and money creating a park for retired animals. But I think the whimsy of it all is exactly what we need more of these days.

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I'm totally with you Michael! Whimsy, in a way, is one of the flowers of civilization!

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(1) Thanks for the acknowledgement Anne! I am going to make a trip to a place called Kramarczuk's. It is a Polish/Ukrainian restaurant / bakery / meat market -- If they have Obwarzaneks, I will report with photo evidence. It is in an old section of town (urban planners call it historic) near waterfalls where the first grain milling the US got rolling like Gold Medal / General Mills / Pillsbury.

(2) This the 2nd time I recollect you provided a proof of life photo of Aharon. It doesn't matter if he is real or not, he is an essential character that makes the CAFE so fun!

(3) Retired play equipment!!! A number of years ago I searched on eBay in hopes of FINDING a vintage ladybug on one of those big springs. They don't sell those anymore I suppose because of the danger of the spring. I remember them as a BLAST.

(4) The lengths you will go to please your readers knows no bounds. Last week you shared the exploits of figuring out how to turn off hazard lights on a rental car with a YouTube video. This week you return with the exploits of feigning car shopping for our entertainment.

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Mr. Dolan!

1) Yes, I am looking forward to the full report!

2) I am sure Aharon will be thrilled to learn it does not matter whether he is real or not. But you're right. it does not matter.

3. Oh I remember those ladybugs! Writing the playground story made me think fondly of my elementary school playground and the assortment of deathtraps it offered.

4. LOL It's true I will never buy a car. I went to the Tesla dealership because I was meeting a friend in the area and it was AIR CONDITIONED!

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Try Greenpoint, the Polish capital of Brooklyn

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(1) Its a modest setting but food like the Soviet stew -- awesome (2) I've shared before but a favorite expression -- some stories need to be heard -- does not matter whether they are true or not but they need to be heard (3) I tried without success to find one. I was fully prepared to buy 20 bags of concrete, sandblast and paint it and put it out for my grandson (4) The Tesla dealership is the new Public Library I guess

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I love Flushing Meadows Corona Park! It’s where I went the first time I ever cut school!

Also, I did a Google Maps search for “Obwarzaneks near me” and found Live Bagel Museum of Kraków

+48 600 797 528

https://goo.gl/maps/BsMM9YAGDsRVKRzh8

I live nowhere near Poland, but now I want to go.

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Field trip!!!

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My post about bagels ("Bagels Beyond Mecca") was focused on Kraków and the popularity of the Obwarzanek on street carts -- they've been at it in Poland since the 13th Century...my greater theory as covered in posts like "The Loudest Horn" are that when someone yells loudly about their legacy for a certain thing (like we make the best steaks in the world) it is likely they are merely loud horns. I have no doubt there is a nitwit somewhere hatching an Instagram marketing plan with an influencer purporting to have invented the pretzel bun. When I was a kid, Mom would bring home Chalka from the bakery. It was only twenty years later when I realized Challah and Chalka are a couple of takes on nearly the same thing. For example, I love a great pound cake as much as the next guy. However, once you've had Placek your reverance for Pound Cake cannot help but suffer. Food talk tangent complete.

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This was a cute story, I love that it legitimately started as a joke before becoming something just fun.

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Me too William! Glad you enjoyed!

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Another great post. They just keep coming week after week. The person/s who came up with the idea of A Home for Retired Playground Animals, after that boozy night out alluded to, deserve to be the next mayor/job-share mayor of NY.

Even better though is the Park Department’s Why Not Working Group. Please find out more and share what you discover with us, your readers/subscribers - a truly truly brilliant creation. Every council here in England should have such a group/committee, open to the public of course.

And there is a link with the Avenue H subway station rocking chairs. Another brilliant achievement which did not happen quickly. Both happened because of tenacity and, perhaps that is the quality which sustains a great city like NY. Just keep going and you’ll get there in the end (yes, this is the optimistic socialist and localist in me talking) 🐰BN

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aka Kevin! With an updated handle!

I agree the Why Not Working Group is a great idea. Every organization should have one. And maybe we should all have one functioning in our own lives as well? To open ourselves up to new possibilities. It's so easy to get stuck in a rut.

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Oh, Anne that's the dearest thing ever! Now you have to write a series of children's books about the Home for Retired Playground Animals! Starting with the origin story featuring the Camel. And in any case the camel needs to be visited and given temporary necklaces of flowers, some bling, food offerings put before it, and incense burned in front of him as the Saint Retired Playground Animal who retired from actually working! Like, we should put on our meditation robes and do that and sit with him for an hour on a sunny day. You could chant. Anyway, another AWESOME Cafe Anne! So dear! CCS

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Awwww I love all your ideas so much CCS!! What a great day you have imagined up. And I'm sure the children's book would be HUGE.

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Sep 11, 2023Liked by Anne Kadet

“I was surprised to see enormous crowds headed toward the park. Were they also going to visit the retired playground animals? Then I realized they were headed to the U.S. Open, which is also in the park. Losers!”

When will the human race ever learn??!!

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I covet Aharon’s socks! A man with good taste in socks has good taste. Period.

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So glad you noticed, Ralph. It's a palm tree print, btw.

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I love the retired playground animals idea. So clever and witty. It made me smile, and we all need more smiles. Your newsletter was equally charming and witty. Thank you. 🤓

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Wow you made my morning. Thank you Mr. Starlin!

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I am old, but you can call me Mark. 🤓

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This is such a good one! I love knowing there is a home for retired playground animals, but what really pushed this over the edge was you saying "they could get shot!" I genuinely laughed out loud imagining the look on the Park Department employee's face. 10/10 perfect reporting

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Thank you Chris! They were really both such good sports and cool people. But I didn't need to interview them to know that.

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Sep 11, 2023Liked by Anne Kadet

“Do not climb the animals. They've had enough.”

PEED MY PANTS!! (PMP) Anyone witty enough to come up with that line should be the Superintendent of NYC Parks!! Or at least the Rat Czar. Bravo!!!

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Sep 11, 2023Liked by Anne Kadet

“I recently stopped by the Tesla dealership in Red Hook, Brooklyn (long story), I discovered you can hang out in the back waiting room all day long drinking free coffee, munching free pretzels, enjoying free wireless or just napping. No one will bother you!”

Anne, that’s what everyone thinks! Elon Musk is like Santa, without the mirth, and he knows when you are napping, and he knows what you have pilfered to eat. Soon you will be pursued by Tesla robot-dogs that shoot bees at you from their mouths AND a Tesla robotic Richard Simmons: https://youtu.be/OyIIqrcl-V0?si=jMsuASV5MOFmDxpP https://youtu.be/HtDvs4J0Z0A?si=qKUaf9R6nzMUmHm3

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Okay! That totally explains my whole life these past few weeks. Thank you JRB!

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Sep 11, 2023Liked by Anne Kadet

“1. Yeah let's all take advice on who's REAL from a person named APPLETON KING. 2. No idea what you "mean," Forrest, "suspicious" is a term more suited to the Rhode Island School of Design.”

OMG!!! That Aharon NEVER disappoints!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I wonder if Aharon would recommend taking advice from a judge?? BTW, great photo…Anne you define the term “impish.” Since everyone else is effing around with Aharon with these Tinfoil Hat conspiracy theories, might I posit that Aharon is actually a prop for art installations across NYC and the greater Hudson Valley. After all I am a Fake-Judge!!

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Sep 11, 2023Liked by Anne Kadet

Just when I think you cannot possibly find another quirky delight -- you do!

Anne, thank you for finding the fun (in just about everything).

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Thank you Drew! In this case all the credit goes to City Parks. It's almost like they created something for me to write about.

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Sep 11, 2023Liked by Anne Kadet

Is that camel from Fort Greene? If it is, I broke off a long term relationship while leaning against that camel. I also have paced around and around it while talking on a flip phone prior to the iPhone coming out. Then when the iPhone came out I never looked up at anything again, including that camel. I only ever saw adults “using@ the camel.

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Hi Allen! The camel last served in Frederick Johnson Playground in Harlem. But most of these animals have duplicates, so it's very likely that you spent that time in Fort Greene with one of his siblings. Or cousins.

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Sep 11, 2023Liked by Anne Kadet

I wonder where they breed them.

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