Plus! The hunt for Obwarzaneks!! Aharon: Bot or Not?!!!
first of all let me be the first to say that if this is the kind of perfect piece you come up with after a few weeks basking in the radiation from nuclear reactors aside lake Ontario why not book a cabana closer to the core next timeand not just annually! i laughed (U.S. Open crowd: "losers") i cried ( "do not crawl on animals. they've had enough") basically the story of my life....i scratched balding pate with wonder at the photo of Aharon with whom i have wanted direct contact with for months even if he is actually Mayor Adams whom you have convinced to slip into a meat-suit somehow....you no doubt with that smile could charm any Pied Piper swarm.......all that said i read this briefly just now on cell phone and determined to bring up that photo on lap-top for closer examination gave up what remains of this lackluster Monday to get any more work done and to be honest ive done fuck all anyways so dont even care . Aharon!!! you look like Anne just admitted to giving ME your e-mail. The fact she sent "Forrest" this picture and not me i will attempt to take in stride...as for your apprehension of my name it made me laugh (and cry). I guess "Forrest" more likely summons the kind of RISDee or Tesla cafeteria ambience that Anne would favor fro drinking coffee and cracking open old issues of 'People" magazine. (oh and btw Aharon if you go back and get the issue from August with Jenna Bush on the cover you'll see the first words uttered out of her mouth were in regards to my sister Lily the novelist who actually DID make her cry!! i put that in there only to continue thed self-serving nature of this response and also to tempt you into further correspondence, if, of course you actually exist and there are YET doubts as Anne once remarked to one of my past comments on here "and 'Appleton King' the best name EVER!!" so the similarity with fascination of name does get my suspicions going again...) shit its past noon the day can STILL be salvaged and this thread may yet go down in history thus also salvaging the "reality" that while i have no progeny to carry on the name i may live forever in this corner of the internet...i'd include a photo here but like the elephant it would be like it looked like in the 80's Aharon Lives!@!! im so tickled
I just know some crank in New York is going to complain about the silliness and waste of time and money creating a park for retired animals. But I think the whimsy of it all is exactly what we need more of these days.
(1) Thanks for the acknowledgement Anne! I am going to make a trip to a place called Kramarczuk's. It is a Polish/Ukrainian restaurant / bakery / meat market -- If they have Obwarzaneks, I will report with photo evidence. It is in an old section of town (urban planners call it historic) near waterfalls where the first grain milling the US got rolling like Gold Medal / General Mills / Pillsbury.
(2) This the 2nd time I recollect you provided a proof of life photo of Aharon. It doesn't matter if he is real or not, he is an essential character that makes the CAFE so fun!
(3) Retired play equipment!!! A number of years ago I searched on eBay in hopes of FINDING a vintage ladybug on one of those big springs. They don't sell those anymore I suppose because of the danger of the spring. I remember them as a BLAST.
(4) The lengths you will go to please your readers knows no bounds. Last week you shared the exploits of figuring out how to turn off hazard lights on a rental car with a YouTube video. This week you return with the exploits of feigning car shopping for our entertainment.
I love Flushing Meadows Corona Park! It’s where I went the first time I ever cut school!
Also, I did a Google Maps search for “Obwarzaneks near me” and found Live Bagel Museum of Kraków
+48 600 797 528
I live nowhere near Poland, but now I want to go.
This was a cute story, I love that it legitimately started as a joke before becoming something just fun.
Another great post. They just keep coming week after week. The person/s who came up with the idea of A Home for Retired Playground Animals, after that boozy night out alluded to, deserve to be the next mayor/job-share mayor of NY.
Even better though is the Park Department’s Why Not Working Group. Please find out more and share what you discover with us, your readers/subscribers - a truly truly brilliant creation. Every council here in England should have such a group/committee, open to the public of course.
And there is a link with the Avenue H subway station rocking chairs. Another brilliant achievement which did not happen quickly. Both happened because of tenacity and, perhaps that is the quality which sustains a great city like NY. Just keep going and you’ll get there in the end (yes, this is the optimistic socialist and localist in me talking) 🐰BN
Oh, Anne that's the dearest thing ever! Now you have to write a series of children's books about the Home for Retired Playground Animals! Starting with the origin story featuring the Camel. And in any case the camel needs to be visited and given temporary necklaces of flowers, some bling, food offerings put before it, and incense burned in front of him as the Saint Retired Playground Animal who retired from actually working! Like, we should put on our meditation robes and do that and sit with him for an hour on a sunny day. You could chant. Anyway, another AWESOME Cafe Anne! So dear! CCS
“I was surprised to see enormous crowds headed toward the park. Were they also going to visit the retired playground animals? Then I realized they were headed to the U.S. Open, which is also in the park. Losers!”
When will the human race ever learn??!!
I covet Aharon’s socks! A man with good taste in socks has good taste. Period.
I love the retired playground animals idea. So clever and witty. It made me smile, and we all need more smiles. Your newsletter was equally charming and witty. Thank you. 🤓
This is such a good one! I love knowing there is a home for retired playground animals, but what really pushed this over the edge was you saying "they could get shot!" I genuinely laughed out loud imagining the look on the Park Department employee's face. 10/10 perfect reporting
“Do not climb the animals. They've had enough.”
PEED MY PANTS!! (PMP) Anyone witty enough to come up with that line should be the Superintendent of NYC Parks!! Or at least the Rat Czar. Bravo!!!
“I recently stopped by the Tesla dealership in Red Hook, Brooklyn (long story), I discovered you can hang out in the back waiting room all day long drinking free coffee, munching free pretzels, enjoying free wireless or just napping. No one will bother you!”
Anne, that’s what everyone thinks! Elon Musk is like Santa, without the mirth, and he knows when you are napping, and he knows what you have pilfered to eat. Soon you will be pursued by Tesla robot-dogs that shoot bees at you from their mouths AND a Tesla robotic Richard Simmons: https://youtu.be/OyIIqrcl-V0?si=jMsuASV5MOFmDxpP https://youtu.be/HtDvs4J0Z0A?si=qKUaf9R6nzMUmHm3
“1. Yeah let's all take advice on who's REAL from a person named APPLETON KING. 2. No idea what you "mean," Forrest, "suspicious" is a term more suited to the Rhode Island School of Design.”
OMG!!! That Aharon NEVER disappoints!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I wonder if Aharon would recommend taking advice from a judge?? BTW, great photo…Anne you define the term “impish.” Since everyone else is effing around with Aharon with these Tinfoil Hat conspiracy theories, might I posit that Aharon is actually a prop for art installations across NYC and the greater Hudson Valley. After all I am a Fake-Judge!!
Just when I think you cannot possibly find another quirky delight -- you do!
Anne, thank you for finding the fun (in just about everything).
Is that camel from Fort Greene? If it is, I broke off a long term relationship while leaning against that camel. I also have paced around and around it while talking on a flip phone prior to the iPhone coming out. Then when the iPhone came out I never looked up at anything again, including that camel. I only ever saw adults “using@ the camel.