I'm down with calling you "the great Anne of NYC". No problem.
Also: long-talkers and monologuers. I'll be very interested to see if any of them are self-aware enough to identify as such and answer the questions you posed to them. VERY.
I already got some very thoughtful and intriguing emails, BA. I am really looking to hearing about the other side of the story. I suppose I'll hear a lot, haha!
I love my dear mum and she can literally talk for England, to anyone about any old rabble. I drove her to Wales once - about a 4 hour hour journey and she talked all the way. I’m a listener so you can see the problem. But sometimes I just have to abruptly change the subject or get up and make tea or go to the bathroom as I do have a limit. She talked all the way back too and paused briefly for about 4 minutes once 🤣
Tracey, I know what you mean! Sometimes the capacity of another to talk without a single break for hour after hour is a source of wonder and amazement unto itself!
Stephanie, I'd forgotten the team changed its name to Ferryhawks! I am looking at the website now: "A FerryHawk game is part circus, part festival all while a baseball game is played!"
Also, "Our team name was chosen after an extensive community and fan recommendation process."
You should! You could even come with my friends and I to Gabagool night (they change their name for one night only). We're amassing a little group and would love to have you. :)
Come visit Snug Harbor, which has the Staten Island Museum and the "Taking Care" exhibit, it's worth the trip. To overuse a term, we are not a monolith. Also, we could use a portal. https://www.statenislandmuseum.org/exhibitions/takingcare/
I once bought a package of elegant, engraved cards—like old-fashioned calling cards—that said only STOP TALKING (all caps, no punctuation). Seems like a simple enough thing to wordlessly hand one to your long-talker mid-monologue. I carried one with me for years but never had the nerve to use it.
OMG that is SO FUNNY, Equilibrist. I would love to conduct an experiment along those lines. But like you, I probably wouldn't dare. Plus, I really don't want to hurt anyone's feelings!
One thing I have tried on occasion is PRAYER. "Please God, help this conversation end" and this has, at times, seem to have generated some sort of vibe that helped the long talker wind down.
I used to work with a shaman (not in his ceremonial capacity, sadly)who had great communication skills. When a filibusterer would engage, he’d give them about two minutes of undivided attention and then say, “I hear you, man, wow.” Then he’d nod and say something like, “it sounds like you’re in the middle of thinking about all of this and it sounds cool, don’t let me keep you.” He did it really gently and most people never realized he was telling them to sling their hook.
Marina, I can just see your shaman friend using this technique and it made me smile. I bet what made it work is that he did it with a lot of love and respect? I might give this one a try!
Dear Great Anne of NYC: firstly, I hope you did not get too close to that bag of trash. I was honestly concerned for your safety! Secondly, I think flatiron lady should have given you a unit simply as a good-will PR gesture. She should have thought that through! Thirdly, I consider myself an introvert: but if you get me one on one, the conversation suddenly becomes a podcast episode in which I am the self-appointed host. I don’t know ifthat makes me a monologuist, but there you go. In fact, I bet you can tell who are the monologuists among your readers by the average length of their comments OOPS
Laura Rebecca, I totally relate! I am often a listener, and consider myself an introvert as well. But every now and then, someone comes along who seems genuinely interested in me and my thoughts, and asks me a lot of questions, and the amount of talking I will do in that sort of situation is frankly embarrassing!!!
I'm with you on the Flatiron condo, btw. I could write newsletter dispatches from my ultra-triangular apartment and boost sales!
Im pretty sure im a long talking to some. My MIL is always asking me to get to the point and I just end up talking faster - not skipping ahead. It’s a brain thing. I also like to tell stories. So sometimes I embellish in the hopes that I’ll get a laugh. And I’m definitely an over explainer at work. I had a client that found that annoying but she also never read her email and never knew what was going on and then would complain that she didn’t know about something (also a long talker in chat as well). But I’m also self aware enough to read signals from others. It’s not hard. And often I don’t want to say anything and then I get asked if I’m ok. Can’t win.
This is great info, Maryse. And it belies the notion that long-talkers have NO CLUE that they are going on at length. It sounds a if you DO know you are taking a long time, but you feel there is good reason to do so, correct?
I can also see that if people are used to you talking a lot, it'd be weird for them if you were quiet—and how you might almost feel expected to provide a lot of chatter. I know I have some friends that I regard as human radios—I can just relax and let them talk without worrying about holding up my end of the convo. And I've gotten very used to this!
This was just an absolute delight to read, the great Anne of NYC! Not only did you score some killer interviews, but I laughed out loud multiple times. From the lollipop-sucking security guard to the unimpressed tech bros, your descriptions of people are just *chef's kiss* MOLTO BENE
LOL I LOVE the idea of Portals installed for the intent of stirring up ire and petty squabbles rather than peace and good will, Jacob. You have my vote for Portal Czar!
I would like to see 100's of portals distributed around the world, including developing countries, just to see how people respond to each other, havoc-inducing or not. Multiplex them all together and time-slice which cities are connected and when. Randomize it for different times of day. Publish the schedule ahead of time so people in NYC, for example, know when they can give Parisians some shit.
The great Anne of NYC. When I get saddled with a long-talker, I use a trick I used as a waitress many moons ago. I mouth the words. No sound. Stops people mid sentence. They go "what, I didn't hear you". And then they actually shut up and listen - If only for a minute!
"This newsletter was kind of interesting. I have to run now."
I wonder if the dramatic increase in passports is really because you can no longer go back and forth between Mexico and Canada with just a driver's license like you once could before 9/11.
So aside from travel to Mexico and Canada, international travel might still be quite rare as a percentage of Americans.
And while I've never been to Mexico, I have been to Canada many times and can attest to the fact that this really does not count as international travel.
great Anne of NYC: i am surprised you did not find anyone mentioning the time difference in this Dublin portal ie about the time Ireland's pubs are just getting geared up U.S. people are just waking up and many possibilities to mock the rain and clouds over there when they raise their pints to tease about the morning traffic but there i go talking again too much but at least i voted honestly heh
That is true, AK. I think there is a much different vibe on the Dublin side of things because of the time difference!
And thank you for your honesty. It is hilarious that so far the number of people who think they listen more than they talk outnumber the folks who say they talk more than they listen 3-to-1!
I saw a woman doing a jig in front of the portal on Friday. It got a huge applause from the other side of the Irish Stargate. ☘️ ⭕️
Oh that's sweet Jason. Clearly I missed out on the hot jigging action!
I'm down with calling you "the great Anne of NYC". No problem.
Also: long-talkers and monologuers. I'll be very interested to see if any of them are self-aware enough to identify as such and answer the questions you posed to them. VERY.
I already got some very thoughtful and intriguing emails, BA. I am really looking to hearing about the other side of the story. I suppose I'll hear a lot, haha!
What? WOW! I cannot wait to hear!
Agreed! As an exhausted listener, it seems that monologue-ers don't have a clue that they are wearing us out.
So here is a question Drew: why do we (sometimes) exhausted listeners keep listening?
Courtesy. Obligation. Entrapment. Hope (as in, “Surely, he’ll stop soon). But really, I feel surrounded. Lately, it seems I can’t escape the blather.
Marriage?
I had the same thought, BA!
I love my dear mum and she can literally talk for England, to anyone about any old rabble. I drove her to Wales once - about a 4 hour hour journey and she talked all the way. I’m a listener so you can see the problem. But sometimes I just have to abruptly change the subject or get up and make tea or go to the bathroom as I do have a limit. She talked all the way back too and paused briefly for about 4 minutes once 🤣
Tracey, I know what you mean! Sometimes the capacity of another to talk without a single break for hour after hour is a source of wonder and amazement unto itself!
Oh , gosh , yes !!
I, for one, would love a portal into other boroughs...it's the only way I'll ever visit Staten Island.
Thanks for another great issue, great Anne of NYC!
Jilllian, I feel my Five Borough Portal dream is gaining momentum. Thank you! We can install the Portal to Staten Island in your kitchen!
I also would love this portal. Though, Jillian, if you haven't been to a Staten Island Ferryhawks game, you haven't LIVED!
Stephanie, I'd forgotten the team changed its name to Ferryhawks! I am looking at the website now: "A FerryHawk game is part circus, part festival all while a baseball game is played!"
Also, "Our team name was chosen after an extensive community and fan recommendation process."
So cute!
I should report on the team for the newsletter!
You should! You could even come with my friends and I to Gabagool night (they change their name for one night only). We're amassing a little group and would love to have you. :)
Come visit Snug Harbor, which has the Staten Island Museum and the "Taking Care" exhibit, it's worth the trip. To overuse a term, we are not a monolith. Also, we could use a portal. https://www.statenislandmuseum.org/exhibitions/takingcare/
I once bought a package of elegant, engraved cards—like old-fashioned calling cards—that said only STOP TALKING (all caps, no punctuation). Seems like a simple enough thing to wordlessly hand one to your long-talker mid-monologue. I carried one with me for years but never had the nerve to use it.
OMG that is SO FUNNY, Equilibrist. I would love to conduct an experiment along those lines. But like you, I probably wouldn't dare. Plus, I really don't want to hurt anyone's feelings!
One thing I have tried on occasion is PRAYER. "Please God, help this conversation end" and this has, at times, seem to have generated some sort of vibe that helped the long talker wind down.
This prayer has the potential to go as big as the Serenity Prayer. LOL. I plan to use it a lot.
This was another fun packed edition of Cafe Anne!
I used to work with a shaman (not in his ceremonial capacity, sadly)who had great communication skills. When a filibusterer would engage, he’d give them about two minutes of undivided attention and then say, “I hear you, man, wow.” Then he’d nod and say something like, “it sounds like you’re in the middle of thinking about all of this and it sounds cool, don’t let me keep you.” He did it really gently and most people never realized he was telling them to sling their hook.
Marina, I can just see your shaman friend using this technique and it made me smile. I bet what made it work is that he did it with a lot of love and respect? I might give this one a try!
Totally stealing that, thanks, Mr. Shaman.
Dear Great Anne of NYC: firstly, I hope you did not get too close to that bag of trash. I was honestly concerned for your safety! Secondly, I think flatiron lady should have given you a unit simply as a good-will PR gesture. She should have thought that through! Thirdly, I consider myself an introvert: but if you get me one on one, the conversation suddenly becomes a podcast episode in which I am the self-appointed host. I don’t know ifthat makes me a monologuist, but there you go. In fact, I bet you can tell who are the monologuists among your readers by the average length of their comments OOPS
LOL
Laura Rebecca, I totally relate! I am often a listener, and consider myself an introvert as well. But every now and then, someone comes along who seems genuinely interested in me and my thoughts, and asks me a lot of questions, and the amount of talking I will do in that sort of situation is frankly embarrassing!!!
I'm with you on the Flatiron condo, btw. I could write newsletter dispatches from my ultra-triangular apartment and boost sales!
"I couldn't help but wonder: were the folks on the Dublin side also tourists? " - Carrie Bradshaw
There I go again, ripping off Ms. Bradshaw!
"And just like that, she was dubbed 'the great Anne of NYC.'"
LOL, that does sound remarkably like a CB voiceover!
there's just certain phrases that will always sound like her when i read them in my head lol
Im pretty sure im a long talking to some. My MIL is always asking me to get to the point and I just end up talking faster - not skipping ahead. It’s a brain thing. I also like to tell stories. So sometimes I embellish in the hopes that I’ll get a laugh. And I’m definitely an over explainer at work. I had a client that found that annoying but she also never read her email and never knew what was going on and then would complain that she didn’t know about something (also a long talker in chat as well). But I’m also self aware enough to read signals from others. It’s not hard. And often I don’t want to say anything and then I get asked if I’m ok. Can’t win.
This is great info, Maryse. And it belies the notion that long-talkers have NO CLUE that they are going on at length. It sounds a if you DO know you are taking a long time, but you feel there is good reason to do so, correct?
I can also see that if people are used to you talking a lot, it'd be weird for them if you were quiet—and how you might almost feel expected to provide a lot of chatter. I know I have some friends that I regard as human radios—I can just relax and let them talk without worrying about holding up my end of the convo. And I've gotten very used to this!
This was just an absolute delight to read, the great Anne of NYC! Not only did you score some killer interviews, but I laughed out loud multiple times. From the lollipop-sucking security guard to the unimpressed tech bros, your descriptions of people are just *chef's kiss* MOLTO BENE
Awww thank you great Emily! So happy you enjoyed! Knowing you laughed out loud more than once makes my day!
We need to come up with the potential portal locations that would cause the most havoc
Paris/NYC
USA/Russia
UK/Entire EU
LOL I LOVE the idea of Portals installed for the intent of stirring up ire and petty squabbles rather than peace and good will, Jacob. You have my vote for Portal Czar!
You could put up two in Scotland and they’d still hate eachother
Rival sports teams stadiums? Does it foster "oh look they're just like us" or does it get smashed?
I would like to see 100's of portals distributed around the world, including developing countries, just to see how people respond to each other, havoc-inducing or not. Multiplex them all together and time-slice which cities are connected and when. Randomize it for different times of day. Publish the schedule ahead of time so people in NYC, for example, know when they can give Parisians some shit.
The great Anne of NYC. When I get saddled with a long-talker, I use a trick I used as a waitress many moons ago. I mouth the words. No sound. Stops people mid sentence. They go "what, I didn't hear you". And then they actually shut up and listen - If only for a minute!
OMG that is so funny! I can't WAIT to try this the next time I get a long-talker Lolah!
"This newsletter was kind of interesting. I have to run now."
I wonder if the dramatic increase in passports is really because you can no longer go back and forth between Mexico and Canada with just a driver's license like you once could before 9/11.
So aside from travel to Mexico and Canada, international travel might still be quite rare as a percentage of Americans.
Yes I think the big bump came after 9/11, LH.
And while I've never been to Mexico, I have been to Canada many times and can attest to the fact that this really does not count as international travel.
“Curbside garbage tableau” 🤣
Haha after that I went back to bed Jolene!
Only sensible thing to do, Anne! 🤣
I think the Portal Ambassador left the trash. The Post It note obviously says “This Portal job is killing me! I just want to die!! LOL!!
Ah! A very satisfying explanation! A cry for help!
great Anne of NYC: i am surprised you did not find anyone mentioning the time difference in this Dublin portal ie about the time Ireland's pubs are just getting geared up U.S. people are just waking up and many possibilities to mock the rain and clouds over there when they raise their pints to tease about the morning traffic but there i go talking again too much but at least i voted honestly heh
That is true, AK. I think there is a much different vibe on the Dublin side of things because of the time difference!
And thank you for your honesty. It is hilarious that so far the number of people who think they listen more than they talk outnumber the folks who say they talk more than they listen 3-to-1!
i can be honest when the mood arises 😉🫠