Special second anniversary issue!! Take the Real New Yorker test!!!
Ok ok, for the love of god, how do I count my points if I was raised here but was not born here? I came here when I was 3. I lived through all this above and the 1977 NYC blackout. I remember when subway tokens were like 35 cents. I feel like I can't call myself a native, even though I feel like I am? 🤔
I will read what it means to be a New Yorker with interest, but I can’t get past what you say at the start of this issue, without repeating it. I am so proud to be one of the 280 and a little ashamed at how long it took me to send you £4 a month. You are worth every penny, but saying this I hope you don’t change your subscription policy of making it available free. It is a take on life I share and love you for: ❤️aka Kevin 🐰. Now to report what you said:
‘As of this morning, there are 8,800 subscribers in 122 countries. And I’m having more fun with this thing than I’ve ever had with anything ever.
Some thanks are in order.
First, huge shoutouts to the newsletter’s 280 paying subscribers. CAFÉ ANNE has no paywalls, so all you folks get is the satisfaction of paying for something everyone else gets for free. As you know, I’m a freelance writer and this publication takes about 20 hours a week to create—I could not afford to continue without your support. THANK YOU’.
anne this is amazing! NYC's entire population is about 8.8 million, so your 8.8k subscribers is basically like 10% of all of New York !!
Congratulations!!! Happy 2nd Anniversary Anne.
You're still my fave Substack of them all.
I have a new book coming out in Fall of 2024 called "You're Not A Real New Yorker Until..." as part of the yourenotareal.com series. I have a feeling fellow subscribers will enjoy it!
Can confirm that Judge Roy Bean is the ultimate commenter! I AM PROUD TO BE A NEW YOIIYKER! Love this Anne!
Fantastic interviews. While hubby and I only lived in NY for 7 and 10 years the city never left us. If we’re in a bad neighborhood anywhere we say, “Put your New York on.” Our pace quickens, purse hugged and our dormant eyes in the back of our heads are awakened. There’s an old New Yorker cartoon that’s a picture of a NYer and a Californian walking by each other. The Californian says, Hello, but the thought bubble says, Fuck you. The NYer says, Fuck you, but his thought bubble says, Hello. This always epitomized the fab NYers.
I was going to guess Judge responded 140 times and hoped to win a free subscription but then I saw your subscriber price drop. I’m a sucker for a sale. Remember Loehmans?
100% not a Real New Yorker here. Though I grew up upstate so my brain absolutely objected as I typed that, NY is not NYC! ahem. For those of us not familiar, what is the difference between a street cart and a food truck? How fancy does the cart need to be before it counts as a food truck?
I scored 339–I have grandsons who are 4th generation Brooklynites.
Bronx General hospital is hard-carrying my Real New Yorker score.
I think Sam and Joselin are part of the EGL fashion community (basically a Japanese mock-Victorian fashion trend). The internet is an infinite vortex, and I feed it far more time than I should.
Such fun. As an Aussie, I’d tend to categorise ‘Noo Yorkers’ as Intense, Unique and Fascinatingly Different. All revved up with lots of places to go. It’s always a pleasure peering into Your World.
And I’m guessing the Judge’s comments over the two years as being up around the 2000 mark! Icing on the cake served up by Cafe Anne. Thanks so much for expanding my world.
First, congrats on two years, Anne! Here’s to a million more!
OK, on to this amazing piece! Bravo to you for putting in the work on this one! I don’t think The Post, or NY1, or even WNYC could come up something as funny, insightful, and comprehensive👏👏👏
I am not a real New Yorker. I lived in the city for 3 years, but that was for law school, and I wouldn’t even try to apply for a student membership to NYC.
But! I have helped lost tourists find their way on the subway, yelled at a car that almost hit me, and I’ve taken advantage of the express checkout option at the bodega. For me, not that any New Yorkers would really care, the most New York place is the intersection of 1st and 1st, aka the nexus of the universe.
Congratulations on 2 years!
I'm not sure what my score is, though I probably lose points on the whole being able to skip the line while leaving exact change on the bodega counter thing. Not something I can get away with in these parts. This even after my daughter baked cupcakes for all the bodega employees.
Sidenote, a few weeks ago stumbling around mid-town looking for something to eat after a screening of 2001 Space Odyssey, I suddenly came upon the name Judge Roy Bean in giant letters. I knew I had heard the name but just couldnt figure out why. It took me a few surreal moments to figure out that this wasn't some sort of glitch in the matrix, but rather a bar that shared the name with Cafe Anne super commentor, JRB. That of course led me to wikipedia and to maybe the greatest individual Wikipedia entry I have ever read.
Even the comments section at Cafe Anne is entertaining!
Wow, thanks for the sweet shout-out at the start of your post, Anne—my body literally jolted back in my chair when I saw my name, haha!
I've never understood why I wasn't born in New York. When I was a teen, I had a friend who was the sort of person who'd bring home people she met in the park. She once befriended a young man from New York who was traveling in the area. He had a head of curly hair and a thick (I believe) Brooklyn accent—kind of reminiscent of Horshack from Welcome Back Kotter. I was fascinated by him. I also read Fran Lebowitz's Metropolitan Life when I was 18 and was forever marked by it. Woody Allen was my favourite director... you get the picture.
But here I am. HAVING A TERRIBLE LIFE BECAUSE I'M NOT IN NEW YORK
My score, 387! Another fun issue. . Thanks! Friends from Philly visited me yesterday and we had fun talking about your MOST BONKERS story. Told them how much finally paying for my subscription enhances my enjoyment. :)
"...Samantha in Astoria, who just hit the ten-year mark. "Bed bugs, cockroaches, a shady unreachable management company, a shady unreachable landlady who eventually ended up in rehab, getting stuck in a train underground, injuries, seeing someone(s) masturbating on the street, a couple who scream fights in front of my window..."
If that doesn't check all the boxes I don't know what does?!
If you have less than three items in hand at the bodega checkout, you don’t wait in line, you just hold up what you got and pop the money on the counter."
I'm about ready to pass out from reading all these really great observations!! The best!
"I think they need to live through one mayor," said Joe in Flatbush."
THAT'S THE MEASURING STICK!!
"Cross the street! If they make it across the street, they’re a New Yorker!"
OMG SO PERFECT!
"Maybe they can be a Real New Yorker Emeritus," said Janet in Greenwich Village."
Omg!!! Peed My Pants!!! PMP!