Can't wait to hear more after they update. I have had exactly one massage in my life, and it was awesome. The woman who did it was a farmer, and her hands were so strong and skilled. I said I'd be back every month, but I haven't gone back and it's almost been a year! Sorry, Elizabeth.
I don't think I'd trust a robot to do that job. They can't know what's wrong, advise you to turn a certain way or to relax something specific so they can get to it. Even with a team of experts helping program them, they can't react to what you need. So yeah, I see how it might be good for intermittent visits, but not for true CARE.
Your last point is an especially good one, Justin. Part of going to a massage therapist is yes, they really do care! Folks don't get into that field because they hate people.
I hope you go back to that farmer lady. I'm hoping to see Jenny later this week. I am WAY overdue!
Who brings their own canister of whipped cream to a massage? Was he eating straight out of the can? Putting it on his chips? Doing whippets? Was he the guy who broke the machine right before you? I'd like to hear Ray's take on this.
I'm pretty sure the whipped cream was for the fruit, Rob. Although whipped cream on chips doesn't strike me as the world's worst move. The guy who broke the machine was a different guy. It was a busy spa!
And here is a transcript:
Anne: Ray, a reader who just read my story wanted to get your take on several issues.
Ray: Sure! I'd be happy to help. What issues?
Anne: 1) Bringing and consuming your own can of whipped cream in a spa lounge. 2) Doing whippets. 3) Putting whipped cream on potato chips
Ray: 1) Whipped cream in a spa lounge: Not the vibe, unless you're turning it into a spa snack review. 2)Whippets: Just... no. Your brain needs all its parts, thanks. 3)Whipped cream on chips: Sweet and salty? Sure. But don’t blame me if you end up with a weird craving for more!
A lovely Substack writer named Anne entered the massage room.
She slipped into the sleek, gray suit she was given, marveling how it made her feel like a superhero ready to leap into the sky to defend good against evil, the innocent against the corrupt, the seals from the clubs, the sentence from the writer who didn't know how to reign in his run-on sentences.
Using it's sexiest George Clooney voice, the robot told Anne to lay down on the table while the soothing sounds of Enya helped her relax.
Anne did as instructed, sinking into the cushy arms of the massage table as the door to the room slowly swung shut.
The screams started a few moments later, followed shortly thereafter by a trickle blood leaking out from under the door...
Yummy moon cakes, a fascinating massage experience, and I’m looking forward to your rating of whipped cream on Pringles. Another fun read. Thanks so much.
"Anne: I am hoping it's a great massage. I could use it! But it'd be funnier for the newsletter if it was terrible.
Ray: That’s so true—either way, you win! Worst case, you get some comedic material for the newsletter about an AI blissfully ignoring your knots while giving you an overly enthusiastic calf massage."
"To my left, I noticed a young Hasidic fellow enjoying a huge platter of fresh fruit, a tin of kosher potato chips, a bottle of champagne and an entire canister of whipped cream. In my next life, I vowed, I will be born as that guy."
fascinating! i hadn't thought about it, but having fingers definitely seems impt to getting a good shoulder/back massage - if a human masseuse was only using flat palms i wouldn't find it worth the money. but i would also be freaked out by robot arms with fingers touching me so hard to solve that one!
I would like to share with you my 2 massage stories. It was a cold winter night and I was the maitre d' at the jazz club Sweet Basil. I noticed 2 women looking in through the window so I went outside and invited them in from the cold. They said they could not afford the cover and the 2 drink minimum. I said no problem, it's on me. I gave them a table up front and sent over 2 drinks and some appetizers. After another round of drinks I told the waitress to comp their check. On their way out they thanked me and said they would like to return the favor and handed me a business card and said please call us. They were 2 recently graduated massage therapists and offered me a what they called a tandem massage. One of them worked on my left side while the other worked on my right, every movement perfectly synchronized. They had practiced the 90 minute session for more than a year at that point and I can tell you, if you can find this type of massage, it will be worth every penny. Just imagine 4 hands massaging in tandem. Bliss!
When I was living in Mexico City back in the early 90's, I saw an ad for massage up on a board at the supermarket. I called and set up an appointment. When I arrived he took me down a hallway leading to the room with the massage table. Up on the walls of the hallway were pictures of him with Marlon Brando, Jack Nicholson, Johnny Carson and a few other celebrities.
A few pictures of him as a child sitting on Marlon Brando's lap as well. He explained that his parents were the live in caretakers for the property and that his mother also cooked and his father also drove Marlon around. He was basically raised there living on the property in their small house and when he was 17 Marlon paid for his education to become a massage therapist. He told me he gave Marlon a massage almost every single day for about the past 5 years and also had a busy schedule in Hollywood with many celebrities. He also told me Jack lived next door and would come over to sit by the pool and just have a foot massage.
So there I was, having a massage from some one who just a few weeks before was massaging Jack Nicholson and Marlon Brando. It was the best massage I had ever had in my life so I tried
Maybe you feel a bit of the way I do about people using AI for writing jobs. I feel like AI can totally replace bad or even standard writing, but not good writing.
I LOL'd over "Did you try unplugging it and plugging it back in?"
It almost ALWAYS works!
Anne, they need to hire you as their CTO!
Can't wait to hear more after they update. I have had exactly one massage in my life, and it was awesome. The woman who did it was a farmer, and her hands were so strong and skilled. I said I'd be back every month, but I haven't gone back and it's almost been a year! Sorry, Elizabeth.
I don't think I'd trust a robot to do that job. They can't know what's wrong, advise you to turn a certain way or to relax something specific so they can get to it. Even with a team of experts helping program them, they can't react to what you need. So yeah, I see how it might be good for intermittent visits, but not for true CARE.
Your last point is an especially good one, Justin. Part of going to a massage therapist is yes, they really do care! Folks don't get into that field because they hate people.
I hope you go back to that farmer lady. I'm hoping to see Jenny later this week. I am WAY overdue!
Who brings their own canister of whipped cream to a massage? Was he eating straight out of the can? Putting it on his chips? Doing whippets? Was he the guy who broke the machine right before you? I'd like to hear Ray's take on this.
I'm pretty sure the whipped cream was for the fruit, Rob. Although whipped cream on chips doesn't strike me as the world's worst move. The guy who broke the machine was a different guy. It was a busy spa!
And here is a transcript:
Anne: Ray, a reader who just read my story wanted to get your take on several issues.
Ray: Sure! I'd be happy to help. What issues?
Anne: 1) Bringing and consuming your own can of whipped cream in a spa lounge. 2) Doing whippets. 3) Putting whipped cream on potato chips
Ray: 1) Whipped cream in a spa lounge: Not the vibe, unless you're turning it into a spa snack review. 2)Whippets: Just... no. Your brain needs all its parts, thanks. 3)Whipped cream on chips: Sweet and salty? Sure. But don’t blame me if you end up with a weird craving for more!
Ray seems like a pretty hip guy
I've put a lot into his training.
I could not have loved this particular comment thread any more. It was the cherry on top of the random whipped-cream-at-massage of a post!
Haha thanks Amy!
I was fascinated by this tid bit also. Even enlarged the photo so I could see his face and whip cream and chips!
I know Toni! If I hadn't had a robot massage appointment I'd have dropped the whole story premise and tried to do something just on him!
Hmm, this sounds like the opening scene to a very scary Stephen King novel! LOL LOL
OMG Mr. King could have a field day with this for sure, Michael!
CHAPTER ONE
A lovely Substack writer named Anne entered the massage room.
She slipped into the sleek, gray suit she was given, marveling how it made her feel like a superhero ready to leap into the sky to defend good against evil, the innocent against the corrupt, the seals from the clubs, the sentence from the writer who didn't know how to reign in his run-on sentences.
Using it's sexiest George Clooney voice, the robot told Anne to lay down on the table while the soothing sounds of Enya helped her relax.
Anne did as instructed, sinking into the cushy arms of the massage table as the door to the room slowly swung shut.
The screams started a few moments later, followed shortly thereafter by a trickle blood leaking out from under the door...
You missed your caling, Mr. Jensen. Though it's never too late!
You're right! I'd make an excellent robot masseuse!
I'm not going near the thing until Asimov's three laws are hard-wired into it.
I was curious what this was and figured others might be too, so I looked it up. The laws are as follows:
(1) a robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm
(2) a robot must obey the orders given it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law
(3) a robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.
I have to say, these seem like good rules for anyone giving a massage!
Yummy moon cakes, a fascinating massage experience, and I’m looking forward to your rating of whipped cream on Pringles. Another fun read. Thanks so much.
Okay, Beth, you got it. I am for sure going to try whipped cream on Pringles.
I am already a fan of whipped cream on pretzels, btw. Bonus for whipped cream/pretzles/chocolate!
Forget the Pringles!🐰
Hehe where’s the trapezoid located? 😜
LOL you should be my copy editor, Elise!
Now I'm going to stick with trapazoid just because its funny.
I think it's just below your quadrilaterals.
"Anne: I am hoping it's a great massage. I could use it! But it'd be funnier for the newsletter if it was terrible.
Ray: That’s so true—either way, you win! Worst case, you get some comedic material for the newsletter about an AI blissfully ignoring your knots while giving you an overly enthusiastic calf massage."
Ray gets it.
Also Anne gets it👇
"To my left, I noticed a young Hasidic fellow enjoying a huge platter of fresh fruit, a tin of kosher potato chips, a bottle of champagne and an entire canister of whipped cream. In my next life, I vowed, I will be born as that guy."
It just occurred to me, Michael—there's nothing stopping me from enjoying this experience TODAY!
RAY YOU FLIRTY MINX!!!
Haha, right?
Great post! The W.C.Fields quote was right on point.
Haha thank you Sonia!
fascinating! i hadn't thought about it, but having fingers definitely seems impt to getting a good shoulder/back massage - if a human masseuse was only using flat palms i wouldn't find it worth the money. but i would also be freaked out by robot arms with fingers touching me so hard to solve that one!
True, Megan! But they've got $128 million to figure it out!
I didn't know bringing chips and whipped cream to a spa was even an option! Some people really are out there just living on a whole other level.
Right? I, do, however, plan to try this at home.
Cafe AInne
Cafe Massanne
Anne, Robot
Hey whose the real bot here?
cool...but ive decided to stick with the car wash....you get a shower too so
LOL why didn't I think of that?
I would like to share with you my 2 massage stories. It was a cold winter night and I was the maitre d' at the jazz club Sweet Basil. I noticed 2 women looking in through the window so I went outside and invited them in from the cold. They said they could not afford the cover and the 2 drink minimum. I said no problem, it's on me. I gave them a table up front and sent over 2 drinks and some appetizers. After another round of drinks I told the waitress to comp their check. On their way out they thanked me and said they would like to return the favor and handed me a business card and said please call us. They were 2 recently graduated massage therapists and offered me a what they called a tandem massage. One of them worked on my left side while the other worked on my right, every movement perfectly synchronized. They had practiced the 90 minute session for more than a year at that point and I can tell you, if you can find this type of massage, it will be worth every penny. Just imagine 4 hands massaging in tandem. Bliss!
When I was living in Mexico City back in the early 90's, I saw an ad for massage up on a board at the supermarket. I called and set up an appointment. When I arrived he took me down a hallway leading to the room with the massage table. Up on the walls of the hallway were pictures of him with Marlon Brando, Jack Nicholson, Johnny Carson and a few other celebrities.
A few pictures of him as a child sitting on Marlon Brando's lap as well. He explained that his parents were the live in caretakers for the property and that his mother also cooked and his father also drove Marlon around. He was basically raised there living on the property in their small house and when he was 17 Marlon paid for his education to become a massage therapist. He told me he gave Marlon a massage almost every single day for about the past 5 years and also had a busy schedule in Hollywood with many celebrities. He also told me Jack lived next door and would come over to sit by the pool and just have a foot massage.
So there I was, having a massage from some one who just a few weeks before was massaging Jack Nicholson and Marlon Brando. It was the best massage I had ever had in my life so I tried
to go as often as possible.
I will also try the robot.
Two great stories, Paul, wow! I’d love to hear how the robot compares to these previous massage adventures!
Once upon a time I was a massage therapist. I think I have mixed feelings about this. Hmmm I’ll have to think on this a bit more.
Maybe you feel a bit of the way I do about people using AI for writing jobs. I feel like AI can totally replace bad or even standard writing, but not good writing.
I believe you are very correct
Hilarious. Thanks for taking us on this journey!
Glad you enjoyed Kris! Thank you!