Plus! A Possum Prank!! Calling all Manhattanhengers!!!
I’ve been a “meat minimalist” for decades now & often eat vegan. & I totally agree with you. Why are we limiting our options to meat-alternatives? There are SO many possibilities. I’d rather eat an imitation rainbow. Or something that a creative vegan entrepreneur-cook invents.
Also: were you drunk when you came up with that? Haha
Anne eating pet treats is peak Cafe Anne. I still think about that piece where you ate only dog food for a week.
Fake bacon bits have always tasted better than bacon.
Also, I thought about how you could pay bees for their honey. I was thinking maybe you could pay them by giving them FREE PUBLIC HOUSING to live in. Do you think bees might go for that?
I love this one! I've been vegetarian and then vegan since I was four. At first my parents thought I was a super fussy eater, but then they realized I ate a ton of everything that wasn't meat or dairy. At that point, I didn't really understand I was eating a dead animal, I just didn't like the taste or texture. Blug. Growing up veggie in the sixties and seventies was not easy. Or even the eighties. You basically could only order side dishes at restaurants and even those could be tricky! It heartens me to see all these alternatives, although since I never liked meat, I don't care for the convincing alternatives either. Haha. But I'm glad they're out there!
This was such a thoughtful investigation. I have responses to each section but feel I've already taken up enough comment space! And I love the opossum poster. I swear I remember that from back when I lived there?? But that seems too long ago. Great issue!!
“I Hope You Know the Cat You Found is a Possum” “None of them said anything like, "That's a possum, not a cat f-ckhead!"
FUNNY, FUNNY, FUNNY, to the MAX!!!! All of us out there who read Café Anne should try to replicate this experiment and detail our results! Remember everyone, Anne is the Spreadsheet Tsarina!! She is always ready to compile results!!
And that line, “MAMA GET THE PANCAKE TURNER AND SCRAPE ME OFF THE FLOOR!!!” is a keeper!!! Oh Anne, you have so much courage to pull off that prank!!!
Hahahahah the cat found poster is a legendary prank. Can I possibly with your and Frank’s permission test the goodness of LA and run the experiment here??
First off as a vegan I’m bummed we missed this. Second, plant based coffee can ONLY happen in Bushwick you know… have to appreciate the idiocy. And thirdly while I agree that it would be pretty amazing if instead of making fake meat we could start seeing new food groups all together — alas, fake meat is a very convenient shorthand for describing what the heck you’re eating. Most of us weren’t raised vegan, so we still refer to many of our foods just as we did when we ate them. It’s way easier to see “chicken and vegetable” and get a sense of whether I feel like eating that over “burger and fries”. Besides we are recreating recipes to be vegan and that necessitates some correlation between ingredients! I’d actually prefer to see a world where “chicken” refers to mock chicken first, and one has to clarify that they prefer “dead chicken” 😂 or something to that effect to get the old school chicken served to them.
NICE TRY, BUT I TAKE NO BLAME FOR THE SKWON THING.
The cat found poster literally made me laugh out loud and cackle. I loved it so much, Anne. You and John Wilson need to collaborate for a “How To” episode. If you haven’t seen his HBO show before, it’s right up your alley! Weird and hilarious NYC.
"If I were on a desert island, it'd be okay. It tastes a little like an OLD SHIRT."
I honestly laughed out loud at this one. If someone describes a food as tasting like "an OLD SHIRT", I will take a HARD PASS! 😂🤣😂
Great post ANNE!!
Did you try the vegan moofins!?
I applaud your journalistic commitment for reporting on the dog treat!
And ha. I had no idea about the honey-bee supremacy issue!
Hah! I love the treatment you gave this sort of other-worldly vegan event. I've been around this industry a lot due to a husband who works in a tangential biotechnology field, and while I would ardently love to see a world where animal cruelty is reduced to zero, this stuff mainly ignites my extremely strong skepticism of any corporate claims (even if the company is super conscious and good, they still need to make money!) Like my first thought is...is that honeybee thing *true*? There have been a lot of very genuine efforts by good people to get *more* honeybees around. And what is all this "processing" to remove the mushroom taste from the fake oysters and...is that, like...good for people to be eating? Sigh, if only I could just be a believer. Too much time spent in silicon valley, I guess.
LOVE your newsletter, and I don't even live in NY! The stories you tell are fascinating. The Vegan article is awesome. I am amazed at the number of people who will only buy organic this or that, and yet they buy vegan "meat". I don't understand this at all. This stuff is created in a lab, and from what I have seen over the years a lot of it doesn't sound all that wholesome when you see how it is being made, yet God forbid you eat a cucumber that isn't organic?!? I wish that this seeming dichotomy could be explained. I was vegetarian for a few years in college, but finally realized that I just love a good REAL burger or steak or chicken breast or pork chop too much. I have tried vegan foods, and they are pretty good at times, but I don't think that I would consider them necessarily better or more wholesome when seeing how they are creations concocted after years of experimenting and tinkering by scientists in a lab. This is NOT meant to be a criticism of vegans and their choices, by the way, it just seems so un-organic in the big picture. Thanks for a great article!!!
delightful and totally diplomatic...but
i WILL draw the line in grass at faux bacon
as for the pets lost thread im not sure i ever shared the story of an ex- girlfriend SO enamored of her persian cats and willing to believe the best when one turned up missing one hot august in burlington vt. and weeks went by with no end of possible sitings and horrific inspections of
tire crushed cat remains when finally one sweltering morning an almost aboriginal young child of maybe 8 with a cloth belt around shorts and no shirts cradled a glowing persian and the euphoria lasted for a few days when exasperated we dug the poor cat out of the closet where it had sought ptsd amongst my discarded work boots and examined it further with less euphoria....none of this ended well but her real cat lived for like Decades after!!!
(i hear lol)
Apologies if a) someone already said this and b) for being a raving pedant but... the plural of octopus is octopuses or octopodes.