NYC Bodega Workers Reveal: Hot Predictions for 2025!

Plus! Quarterly update!! "No Clowns Today Please!!!"

Hello everyone,

Welcome to Issue #147 of CAFÉ ANNE!

It’s been four weeks since the last issue, and I’m pleased to report I had an excellent holiday break full of family and friends and “friends” and books and long city walks and even a mini silent retreat. I also fielded a couple queries in the interim that I can address now.

First, regarding the classified ad in Issue #146 seeking a home for two feral kitties in Queens, reader KL wanted to know if the “classified cats” were adopted in time for Christmas. Alas, they were not. Aaron B., who placed the ad, says he got several queries, but Frederico and Anju are still available. You can email Aaron at notaaronbloom@gmail.com.

David on the Upper East Side, meanwhile, had a question spurred by last issue’s Q&A with NYC’s Santa and Mrs. Claus: “Is Santa-phobia a thing? Akin to being afraid of clowns?”

Our Santa, Upper West Side actor Glen Heroy, is also a professional clown, so of course I directed David’s question to him. Glen’s reply:

“Yes David, there is a Santaphobia.

Sometimes called Claustrophobia (I know), it is a real thing experienced by children and adults alike. It could easily originate from one of a child’s very first traumas—The Mall Visit With Santa!

I’ve witnessed it myself for years. Think about it, children with no real practical preparation are thrust onto the lap of a stranger, sometimes for the very first time, in a bizarre ritual of seemingly immense importance and weight. It’s a lot of stimuli. Lights, loud music, a really big beard.

95% of parents are trying to manifest a preconceived scenario that lives in their brain and not in reality, and they are going to have that experience come hell or high water regardless of how their child, an actual living human, is reacting in real time.

I’ve heard, “They are probably going to cry, Santa, but I really want a picture,” and “Rite of Passage, hahahaha,” for over 40 years.

Cue the trauma.

There was a saleswoman at the Jo Malone counter of Nordstrom this season who confessed to an elf that she was petrified of Santa. She would actually cower and hide as I made my rounds. When I found out, I kept my distance as much as possible. I get it.

When I was a Clown Doctor visiting the pediatric floors of Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center for eight years, there were enough children afraid of me that I made up a sign with my clown face on it in a red circle with a slash that read, “No Clowns Today Please,” for the patients who suffered from a fear of clowns (Coulrophobia) to hang on their door to keep me away. It didn’t work for the most part. They didn’t want to even have the sign up because it had a clown on it.”

Glen sent the clown sign for me to include in the newsletter. You can print it out and hang it on your own door!

If you do, however, want clowns in your living room, I am sorry to say I cannot help you with that, as there is no hope for you in general.

In other news, huge NYC-Congestion-Pricing-is-Here shoutouts to everyone who ponied up for a paid subscription over the break: Steve M., Jacob, Allen H., Michele H., Cathy B., Scott L, the mysterious prwprw52, Van S. and Emily! That’s enough $$$ for 55 car trips into Manhattan! Now I just need a car.

I am very excited for this week’s issue, of course. We’ve got our third annual NYC Bodega Worker Predictions for the new year. Plus, a quarterly update on the State of the Newsletter. Please enjoy.

Regards!

Anne

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FEATURE

🔥Hot🔥Predictions From NYC Bodega Workers!

For three years now, I’ve roamed the city at the start of January to survey NYC bodega workers about the year ahead. Who, after all, is better poised to gauge which way the wind is blowing? These guys talk to everyone!

Joe, Sunny Delicatessen, Brooklyn Heights

What kind of year will 2025 be?

Hopefully a better one. There's a meth clinic across the street. They've been here two years, and I think they'll be gone next month. I'm looking forward to it! It's been very stressful.

Really? What happened?

They come here, they steal, they curse, all sorts of things. They do drug transactions in the store. I've been trying to keep them away but it hasn't been easy.

Sorry that's been going on. What a pain!

It will be better.

What will happen with the stock market?

Just when Trump got elected, everything started surging. Not just the stock market, but Bitcoin also started surging. Both will keep going up.

What will be the hot new technology?

Maybe flying cabs.

Would you get into a flying cab?

No.

Me neither! What will happen to Eric Adams?

Bye-bye! I don't think anyone's going to save him. Not even Trump.

[Guy delivering the Daily News, interrupting]: Not even me!

Noel, DDY Mini Market & Deli, Upper West Side

What would you like to accomplish this year?

I'm looking to fix up the bodega. We started with small projects and little-by-little, we're going to keep changing. I took it from my father. He was content the way it was, but I want to keep fixing it up, getting new people to come in. I already started bringing in more general-public stuff like greens, healthy food, more produce.

What will be the hot bodega snack?

Takis came up with a new chip that will drive the kids crazy. They're spicy, Mexican.

How about technology?

Technology-wise, Apple's always a hot commodity. They'll probably come out with a new phone in September that's going to drive everybody crazy. Aside from that, I don't think nothing big. What else is there to invent, really?

What will be the next hot NYC neighborhood?

Washington Heights! I see a lot of bars popping up, a lot of new businesses, and old business going out of business because as the new people are coming in, they are looking for new things.

Will the subway get better or worse?

The congestion pricing toll [on vehicles entering Manhattan] means more people, and the MTA won't be planning for it because they always fumble everything they do. There will be more delays, more chaos, crowded stations.

Last thing: what advice do you have for people in 2025?

It's hard to advise the whole general public. But when it comes to New York City, keep your head down and keep it moving!

Evana, Columbia Deli, Upper West Side

What kind of year will 2025 be?

It's going to be a changing year. A drastic change. The technology. And the new virus is coming. You heard about that? Kind of like the pandemic. I hope the positive change is also going on. But as for me, I see the people are losing their morality. People are not like people anymore. We are losing our humanity in today's world.

Mohammed, 7th Avenue Gourmet, Park Slope

What do you predict for 2025?

Some changes in the economy, with jobs and the standard of living in New York City. The new president is coming in. We're expecting a better standard of living. And global warming—the weather will shift a lot. The summer—the sun and everything—it will be much more humid.

What will be the big fashion trend?

Fashion is shifting from Europe and North America to the Korean and South Asian culture.

If you had an extra $50,000 what would you invest in this year?

Agri-tech. The demand for food and the population is increasing and ultimately the land, the fertile land, is not increasing up to that mark. Technology can allow more efficient production utilizing limited resources.

Will the subway get better or worse?

Worse. The Q train, to be specific. It's pretty chilly weather, right? But the Q train in the morning, they are turning on the AC rather than the heat.

What would you like to accomplish this year?

I'd like to shift my career. I'm going to go to school. I came to this country last year from Bangladesh. I'm looking into the tech side and getting more ideas.

Do you have any life advice for people in 2025?

Be empathetic.

Ali, Gourmet Deli & Fresh Bagel, Upper West Side

What kind of year do you think 2025 will be?

Perfect.

Why is it going to be a perfect year?

I dunno.

Can I ask you some financial questions?

Like what?

What do you think the stock market will do this year?

I dunno.

Ok. How about Bitcoin?

Bitcoin? I dunno.

What will be the trendy bodega snack?

I have no idea.

How about fashion? What will be new in fashion?

I dunno.

Technology?

I dunno.

(Laughing) What will be the next hot neighborhood?

No idea.

What will happen to Eric Adams?

I dunno.

Ok, one last question—do you have any advice for people in 2025?

No.

You’re a very honest person!

Thank you.

Shishii, Astoria Cigar & Candy Corner, Queens

How will 2025 be?

It will be a good year because every day is a blessing, because you have a life.

Eric Adams has been trying to reduce the rat population. Will the city will win the war on rats this year?

No. The rat is a natural thing. It's not going to go away.

On the national front, will the US buy Greenland?

I don’t know.

Take over the Panama Canal?

Maybe!

Canada?

No, that's not going to happen.

What's a good investment?

Mainly crypto. Sui—that's a meme coin. It's going to be very good.

I'll check out Sui. I like to gamble! And what will be the hot new technology?

Transferring fragrance. Scientists are working on it. We are talking on the phone, right? You can automatically transfer the data and listen. They might create something like that for fragrance.

What fragrance would you like coming out of your phone?

I like Burberry.

Any life advice for people in 2025?

Don't think anything, you know? Do not think past, do not think future. Before we're born, our luck is already fixed. Whatever happens, you can't change it. Say your luck is something like this, right? [Holds up a bottle of Listerine mouthwash.] Somehow, you'll get the Listerine. It will happen in your lifetime.

So I can just relax.

Yes. And most of the time, whatever you think for the future, 85% of it doesn't happen.

Zak, Park Slope Candy Shop, Brooklyn

What kind of year is 2025 going to be?

I predict joy and happiness. You have to be optimistic.

What will happen with Eric Adams?

Eric Adams—whoa. He's got his work cut out for him. He's got his schedule full. The bribery case, people in his administration dropping like flies. Who knows. There's an election coming up—Cuomo might make an appearance. Good TV!

Will Eric Adams be mayor again?

Well, he seems to be getting comfortable and getting a bit of backing from the national apparatus—the president incoming. They seem to be on good terms. So maybe that will give him a boost. But who knows, locally, if that will help. Locally, it's sort of the opposite sometimes.

Support from Trump might not help here.

But it might. It's getting crazy out here!

What are we listening to, by the way?

WQXR.

The classical station! I was just in a bodega in Brooklyn Heights, and he was playing the same thing. Is this the hot new bodega soundtrack?

Exactly! We're trying to juxtapose high art and class with the depravity of New York City.

What's the cat's name?

Masha.

Does she have any predictions?

I dunno, that's a good question.

Can we ask her? She's right there.

[Masha, lounging on a pile of magazines, flashes a hateful stare before turning away in great distain.]

Masha's not having it.

Yeah, I figured as much.

Last question—any life advice for people in 2025?

Don't get shot in the street!

QUARTERLY UPDATE

Mo’ Readers, Less Munyon!

Every three months, with the help of our CFO, Substack the Cockroach Intern, I issue a State-of-the-Newsletter report. This is because I know you’re all secretly yearning for more stats. Yes, there’s nothing like a boatload of numbers to fill that God-shaped hole in the soul.

So here goes:

• In Q4 2024, total subscriptions rose from 14,100 to 14,900—a 7% increase. This was slower than the usual growth rate. Still, 900 additional subscribers is not nothing. Welcome to the café, new people—I am glad you are here!

• Over the same period, the number of paid subscriptions fell, from 410 to 405. People, this is going in the wrong #$%@* direction! More on this later.

• Classified ad revenue for the quarter rose, to $650. Many thanks to everyone who supported the newsletter with your weird ads!

• The top-performing stories were two of my favorites, “I Aced NYC’s Rat Academy,” and “New York’s Smallest ‘Aquarium’ is Making People Crazy!” The latter generated several follow-up reports including one about the pond being paved over by the city before it reopened in the same spot. Most recently, Gothamist reported that Hajj, the pond’s co-creator (who I interviewed for story), was sentenced earlier this month to twelve years in prison for an attempted murder in 2023. Which just goes to prove…what?

• The worst-performing issue? “A Tale of Two Artists,” the story of a painter in New Mexico who “adopted” another artist who was homeless. I get it—nobody likes art. Philistines!!!!

So about that drop in paid subscriptions. As you know, everything in CAFÉ ANNE is free. There are no paywalls, and never will be. So it’s sort of wondrous that 405 readers are willing to spring for a paid subscription. To all of you: a sincere if awkward curtsey.

But here’s the situation. It takes 20-25 hours a week to produce this newsletter, and that’s time away from freelance work that pays more. As a result, I’m tapping my savings to pay the rent.

It’s okay! I consider this an investment in the bizness. But the whole scheme depends on me eventually breaking even—which happens at roughly 1,000 paid subscriptions. If you love CAFÉ ANNE, and you’re not yet a paid subscriber, maybe you can help me get there this year!

Either way, thank you for reading, commenting and sharing the newsletter—it means a lot! Most important, please keep sending your story ideas including suggestions for new NYC adventures: annekadet@yahoo.com. My hope is to make 2025 the café’s most bonkers year ever!

QUOTE OF THE WEEK

“Almost any tale of our doings is comic. We are bottomlessly comic to each other. Even the most adored and beloved person is comic to his lover.”

—Irish Murdoch, The Black Prince

CAFÉ ANNE is a free weekly newsletter created by Brooklyn journalist Anne Kadet. Subscribe to get the latest issue every Monday.