Hot off the Press: A Boatload of Nonsense III!
Eric Adams Watch! Tell Me About Your T-Shirt!! Weird Trash!!!
Hello everyone,
Welcome to Issue #168 of CAFÉ ANNE!
So much to discuss! First, as most of you know, last month I launched CAFÉ ANNE MATCH, a free service to connect CAFÉ ANNE readers based on their responses to an 80-question survey. Yesterday, I met own connection! Maria Skorobogatov and I got omelets at the Grand Canyon Restaurant on Montague Street.
Maria was super fun. She’s bonkers curious and asks even more questions than me. But despite the wonderful barrage, I did manage to learn a bit about her. She’s a NYC native (!!!) who grew up on the Lower East Side. She’s been a zoo keeper in Houston, a script supervisor in San Fran and a volunteer coordinator in Malawi. She’s currently living in Greenwood Heights and working as a behavior modification specialist for abused and neglected animals at the ASPCA—tough cases that were hauled in by the NYPD. She’s like a social worker for dogs!
“They’re all criminals!” she said.
“How many times have you been bitten?” I wondered.
“That’s a great question,” she said. “And you asked it with such glee!”
We are definitely planning to meet again—hopefully so I can write a little story about her job.
Meanwhile, I’d love to hear how things are going with your CAFÉ ANNE match! If you hit it off with your new pal, snap a photo and email me your story (annekadet@yahoo.com). I’ll include it in the next newsletter. Or if things went badly and resulted in fisticuffs, so much the better!
Second bit of news: this Friday evening at Powerhouse Books in DUMBO, I will be interviewing New Yorker writer and humorist Dennard Dayle for the launch of his super-singular novel, How to Dodge a Cannonball, which is sort of a Civil War Catch-22. Stop by and say hi! Event deets here.
Third, I was at a Brooklyn porch party recently where fellow guest Gaylord Fields (who you may remember as the long-standing host of the eponymous music show on WFMU) posed an interesting question. “How much could I pay you to never write again?”
He wasn’t being mean. He asks this question whenever he meets a writer. I thought for a bit before giving an honest answer: there is no amount of money anyone could pay me to stop writing.
When we met the next weekend for coffee, we discussed the question further. Any “real” writer, he said, gives the same response I did. And he would know. While he’s been earning a living as a music journalist for decades (and considers himself fortunate to do so), he truly does it for the money! If someone paid him enough, he said, he’d happily never write again.
So now I’m wondering, is this a good test of what it means to be a “real” writer? Or a real musician, accountant or barista, for that matter? Could someone pay you to stop doing what you do? How much would it take? Share your thoughts in the comments!
Last but not least, huge shoutouts to new paid subscribers Henry C., Eddie V., Sarah M. and Tanya K. That’s enough $$$ to pay me to stop publishing this newsletter!
I am very excited for this week’s issue, of course. It’s the third annual Boatload of Nonsense. No big feature, but we’ve got a fresh Weird Trash pic, the return of Eric Adams Watch and the launch of a new series, “Tell Me About Your T-Shirt.” Please Enjoy.
Regards!
Anne
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Weird Trash Photo #33
I spotted this excellent weird sidewalk trash up in Washington Heights a few weeks ago, on my way to a Dominican buffet. The more I looked, the more I saw. It made me late for dinner!
Someone had abandoned their suitcase in a hurry, leaving the following in their wake:
Three pairs of ultra-glam high heels (silver rhinestone, black patent, red satin).
An array of costume jewelry including a butterfly pin and Mardi-Gras beads.
Mascara and black eyeliner.
An empty USB charger box.
Another empty carton for a cellphone replacement screen.
A Yowie “Ultimate Dinosaur” figurine (Kosmoceratops).
An ”X-treme Winnings Win up to $1,000,000” scratch-off card (failed).
A "CASHWORD DOUBLER Win up to $20,000” scratch-off card (ditto).
Empty tube of Hothead Grabba, a brand of tobacco manufactured in an illegal Brooklyn sweatshop.
Cowboy bandannas—brown and lilac.
Two plastic forks.
There’s a story behind this for sure, and it’s clearly a heartbreaker. Let’s call it “Starlet on the Skids.” Here’s hoping things turn around!
Please send your weird trash photo to annekadet@yahoo.com and I will include it in a future issue.
ERIC ADAMS WATCH
On Bit Bonds, Smoothies and Busted Clocks
After a long hiatus, I return to recounting the exploits of Eric Adams, whom my friend Aharon refers to as “New York City’s first AI-generated Mayor.” As a profile in Politico put it, “In a city of weird people and weird mayors, Adams is maybe the most idiosyncratic figure to ever hold the office.”
Here, round-up #28 of the mayor’s doings:
May 20: Mayor Adams resumes posting an Instagram series documenting his morning smoothie routine. One featured concoction includes avocado, berries, cacao powder, “And carrots. Always start off with some roughage,” he advises. Good to know!
May 21: Addressing guests at the city’s first “NYC crypto conference,” Mayor Adams takes a deep breath and declares, “I smell money, crypto, crypto, blockchain and all the good things!”
May 23: Introducing new drones that can tell drowning beach swimmers that help is on the way, the Mayor tells reporters: "They’re gonna use my voice, because I have a calming voice."
May 29: At a crypto convention in Las Vegas, Mayor Adams announces the city will be launching “Bit Bonds,” —city bonds backed by Bitcoin. “Just as our flag still flies, Bitcoin is going to continue to fly in our country,” he declares. City Comptroller Brad Lander, who is also running for mayor, is quick to issue a response: “New York City will not be issuing any Bitcoin-backed bonds on my watch.”
June 14: Followers note an odd discrepancy in the Mayor’s latest Instagram reel documenting his morning routine—shaving, ironing his shirt (and, of course, downing a smoothie). While the video’s prominent timestamp says it’s 8:37 am, the clock visible on the kitchen wall behind him reads 11:00 am. “Did you mean to say this is your morning routine Turkish time?” one commenter asks. A City Hall spokesperson claims the wall clock’s battery died shortly before the mayor filmed his routine. Adams “starts his day very early,” the spokesperson tells the New York Post, “and the footage caught [the clock] at a weird time.’”
FASHION CORNER
Tell Me About Your T-Shirt!
For years, I’ve been wanting to stop New Yorkers wearing interesting t-shirts to ask about the story behind their tee. Finally, last week, I gave it a shot. I approached Zach, a 33-year-old Marine Corp pilot, as he was strolling Hicks Street in Brooklyn Heights accompanied by his wife, who was breastfeeding a little baby under a blanket.
Hopefully this will be the first in an ongoing series…
Your T-shirt says, “Sheepshead Bay Cult.”
Yeah, so it’s my brother-in-law’s, one of his closest friends—their old band. I think they still play, actually. I saw he was wearing his own band shirt and I said, “I want that shirt,” and ordered it on the spot from his website. They have a little website for whatever merch they have.
Did you ever see the band play live?
No I haven’t.
You haven’t! Haha! So you’re kind of a poseur.
Yeah, a pretender. I just like the shirt.
I like the shirt, too. Have you listened to the music?
Nope!
Haha you’re so busted!
Haven’t heard the music, haven’t seen the band, but I like the shirt and wanted to support the band.
What do you like about the shirt?
I feel it’s Brooklynesque, if you know Brooklyn. So if you’re anywhere else in the country, no one would know. They’d see “cult” and think, ‘that’s weird.” But people see Sheepshead Bay, and it’s kind of like an inside joke, inside Brooklyn.
Would you dare wear this in Sheepshead Bay?
That’s a good question. Maybe.
You’re not worried someone might call you on it…
Yeah, if anyone asks me about the music, I might be SOL.
How about the Yankees hat? Are you a real Yankees fan? Have you ever been to a baseball game?
I was at the baseball game the last two nights! 100%!
I googled the band when I got home. Judging by their Instagram, Sheepshead Bay Cult is still going strong, playing “old school shit” at local venues. They have a show coming up at the Woodshop in East Williamsburg, where they will split the bill with four other acts including “Horns & Hooves” and “Heretic Bodyhammer.” And yes, if you go to the band’s website, you can still buy merch! Sorry everyone, the Sheepshead Bay Cult thong is SOLD OUT.
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"...working as a behavior modification specialist for abused and neglected animals at the ASPCA—tough cases that were hauled in by the NYPD. She’s like a social worker for dogs!"
Wow. Fantasy novel concept in embryo!
Eric Adams makes Chicago's recent run of mayors look fantastic.