I Ate the $8 Mamdani Special!!!
Plus! AI Mystery Product Reveal!! The $90 Amazon Tux!!!
Hello everyone,
Welcome to Issue #195 of CAFÉ ANNE!
Last week’s story about Eganam Segbefia, Grand Central’s tux-wearing trumpet player, prompted a lot of admiration for the musician, but also a lot of questions.
“Do you know why it says ‘Égo’ on his tip case?” reader Marj K. in Brooklyn wondered in an email.
Good question! Mr. Segbefia responds: “My friends used to call me ‘Eggo Waffles’ as a teasing nickname, and as I got older, I took to it, but then dropped the waffles part, one ‘g’ and added the accent over the ‘e’ so it can still be pronounced as Eggo. I also thought if I ever become famous, I don’t want Eggo Waffles coming after me.”
Chris D. in LA wrote to ask, of Mr. Segbefia’s $90 tux from Amazon, “Did he wear the same Amazon tuxedo to Carnegie Hall? Sounds like I might need a link to buy some formalwear.”
Chris, please check out this link to the product page, from Mr. Segbefia. Enjoy your new look!
I am thinking that since I already wear a uniform from Amazon, maybe I should get one too!
And finally, reader Charlotte K. wanted to know if there is a way to send Mr. Segbefia a virtual tip. Yes, Charlotte, you can Venmo him at @eganam360. He says thank you very much!
In other news, huge bargain-formalwear shoutouts to our newest paid subscribers Maria V., Marj K. and Ethan N. That’s enough $$$ to buy me an Amazon tux and the accompanying top hat!
I am very excited for this week’s issue, of course. We’ve got the grand reveal on “Classic of Mountains and Rivers,” the mysterious AI-hallucinated product found at a Brooklyn dollar store, plus my trip to East Harlem to check out the $8 Mamdani Special. Please enjoy.
Regards!
Anne
PS Oh boy I am going on a week-long silent retreat! Next issue February 16!
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PRODUCT OF THE MONTH
“Classic of Mountains and Rivers”: Revealed!
Readers who memorize this newsletter will recall that in the last issue, I wrote about how my “friend” Aharon spotted an intriguing item at Gorilla 99 Cent Plus, a discount store in Park Slope. “Classic of Mountains and Rivers” was available for $2.49. He texted a photo of his find:
A closer look at the packaging revealed the name of the manufacturer: “Ai Artificial Intelligence A.I. Products.” I also learned that the item is the “INTERNATTIONAL VERSION” and also, according to the text in the upper-right corner, the “Hidden VERSION”. The illustration, meanwhile depicted many intriguing situations including a golden goose wearing platform boots, a frog with an alarm clock on its head and a great white shark emerging from a truck tire.
What could possibly be inside? At my urging, Aharon returned to the store the next day to buy “Classic of Mountains and Rivers” but the shop was closed! I vowed we’d get ahold of this item and discover its contents in time for the next issue. Meanwhile, I asked you to submit your predictions.
Reader Jenn K. had an intriguing suggestion: perhaps the package contained 3-D glasses designed for use with the package illustration? Others predicted it’d be some sort of useless 3-D printed tchotchke while two voted for gummy candy, with Appleton K. in Michigan predicting sea monkey shapes and Anita K. in Prospect Heights forecasting plain old gummy bears, “because why not?”
To my delight, some readers took things a lot further. Judge Roy Bean (aka Frank D. in Ohio) took it upon himself to run the image through Gemini AI for analysis. Among its findings: “The ‘Classic of Mountains and Rivers’ (Shanhaijing) is an ancient Chinese text dating back to the 4th century BC. It is a legendary compilation of mythic geography and beasts—essentially an encyclopedia of monsters and strange lands.”
Gemini, by the way, predicted the bag would contain a puzzle or a building block set. You can read its complete analysis here.
And then there’s Daniel S. in Brooklyn who took it upon himself to troop over to Gorilla, valiantly buy the item, and report in! Scanning his email, I realized he was about to reveal what was inside, so I stopped reading. I didn’t want to spoil the surprise! By now, Aharon had also bought the item, and we were planning to meet on Saturday and open it together after an afternoon checking out the galleries in Chelsea.
It was a fun afternoon of weird art! But the whole time, I was thinking about “Classic of Mountains and Rivers,” and what might be inside. Finally, we stopped at a café on Ninth Avenue where I ordered my usual cappuccino and Aharon enjoyed his usual order of nothing. We sat down and Aharon pulled the package from his bag.
I checked out the package back. It was the same as the front except it also said, “Choking Hazard.”
We tried to guess its contents. Aharon predicted it was one of them items depicted on the front of the bag: the planet Saturn figure with a bull’s head and giant feet.
“I’m really hoping I can eat it, despite all evidence to the contrary,” I said.
“Anne, you can eat anything once,” Aharon noted.
I ripped the bag open.
“Disappointment in three, two, one...” said Aharon.
“Ah!” I said, reaching in. “There’s more than one thing!”
I pulled out three collector cards including one depicting a spooky-ass “Ballerina Cappuccino.”
“It’s CAFÉ ANNE from the shadow realm!” said Aharon.
I reached in again and pulled out...
“OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS” I shouted. “HOLY SHIT! LOOK HOW GREAT THIS IS!”
It was Mr. Gold-Saturn-Bull-Head-Big-Feet guy.
I’m not sure why it made me so happy. Maybe because I am like a crow and inordinately fond of anything small and metallic. Or maybe because it struck me as something along the lines of a Greek god, only updated for the Brave New AI Era, with athletic footwear.
“This might be the greatest thing in my possession,” I said. “It’s got to be good luck. This going to be best year ever.”
Aharon took a photo of me with the bull, which I am not including here because I look too crazy.
“I’m going to put it on my shrine,” I said.
“I know,” said Aharon.
I Ate the $8 Mamdani Special!
I was scrolling Twitter recently when I spotted a photo someone had posted of a promotion hanging in a NYC restaurant window. “THE MAMDANI SPECIAL!!!” It said. “$8.00 PLATTERS”.
The poster featured the smiling face of our new Mayor along with a take-out container of salad, fries and some sort of mystery entree:
Now that’s a good deal! Just a few years ago, it was easy find a decent lunch in the city for less than $10. Now, you’re out of luck, unless it’s pizza on a park bench. A basic salad at Sweetgreen, for example, will run you $122.
I immediately emailed Aharon a screen shot of the poster: “Am going here for lunch tomorrow if you’re interested.”
“I respect you as a journalist Anne,” he replied, “But no.”
He followed up with a second note: “If there were a CUOMO CAFE, I’d probably go. In my mind, this would be a white-tablecloth, members-only establishment in Westchester where the waiters grab your ass. Or a REAL Mamdani restaurant, where they serve whatever they confiscate from the restaurant next door.”
The next day, I set out to find the restaurant going by the address on the poster. 2239 First Avenue turned out to be a halal joint way up in East Harlem, “Big Back Chicken & Gyro.”
Judging by the other signs in the window, the Mamdani deal was hardly the only special available at the eatery. There was also the “$4.99 Box Special” (two legs, one thigh + fries), the save-up-to-50%-off “Spicy Delicious Burger” special and the $24.99 “Five Piece Mixed Chicken Special” with two burgers, two fries and two drinks. All great options for sure!
But I was on a mission. I walked in and headed straight to the counter. “Hi!” I said. “Could I have the Mamdani Special please?”
“White sauce, hot sauce?” said the man at the register.
I had no idea what was in the special, so I made the classic NYC move: “Both, please.”
“One Mamdani, white sauce-hot sauce!” he called to the short-order cook behind him.
I took a seat at one of two tiny tables and looked around. The storefront featured one ATM machine, one trash can, one customer, a plastic plant wall and a somewhat groovy fluorescent light sculpture on the ceiling that looked like something rescued from an early ’80s art installation.
The next customer also ordered the Mamdani Special. When I struck up a conversation, Dustin said he lived nearby and had never been in before, but he’d spotted the poster in the window while riding by on his bicycle. “Advertising works!” he said. “You think you’re immune? Guess not!”
He thought an $8 lunch platter sounded like a good deal—the going rate in the neighborhood is $10, even at the local street carts, he said, and he was spending $20 for a big sandwich at the Italian deli.
Alas, Dustin ordered his meal to go, so I couldn’t get his review. But I can give you mine!
My order, which came in a black plastic clamshell container, contained a handful of fries, a tiny serving of pale iceberg and tomato that was more of a gesture than a salad and a generous portion of what was almost certainly chicken over a heap of yellow rice, slathered in white sauce and hot sauce.
I inhaled the entire platter, for the sake of research, you understand, and felt perfectly sated.
How was it? It tasted like your standard NYC street cart chicken-over-rice which, as you know, is one of the most delicious and satisfying dishes in the universe. Ah, the taste of socialism! Or was it—considering this was an attention-grabbing marketing promo—the taste of capitalism? I was confused.
I returned to the counter and introduced myself to the man behind the register. Iqbal Chowdhury, it turns out, is a co-owner. He’s from Bangladesh! He opened the restaurant five years ago, and the promotion was his idea.
“This actually started before he became the mayor,” said Mr. Chowdhury. “He was at a street cart selling the chicken and rice. He was eating there. And the price was like $10. He said, ‘If I become mayor sometime, I’m going to make it to $8 so it will be affordable for regular people.’ So when he became mayor, we said ‘Okay, let’s do it then.’”
I had no idea what Mr. Chowdhury was talking about, but later found a video Mr. Mamdani posted on Twitter early last year, before his campaign took off. It featured him interviewing halal street cart owners about how they were paying $20,000 for black-market vending permits, creating what Mr. Mamdani jokingly (I think!) referred to as “a crisis: halalflation!”
“If I was the mayor,” said Mr. Mamdani in the video, “I’d be working with city council from day one to make halal eight bucks again!”
Well, he’d unwittingly made good on his promise—thanks to Mr. Chowdhury’s promotion. The restaurant owner said the special—which he launched the day Mr. Mamdani was inaugurated—was very popular, especially with students. He’s selling 30-40 platters of chicken and rice every day—about 25% more than before.
As if on cue, he answered the phone. “The Mamdani? Yeah, we have it,” he told the caller. “We’ve been selling since he became the mayor.”
“Someone checking on the Mamdani!” he said, hanging up.
“Well it was just on Twitter,” I told him. “Someone posted a photo of your poster, and it got 1.7 million views.”
“That’s very nice,” said Mr. Chowdhury.
There was just one problem: having reduced the price from $10 to $8, he was losing money on every sale. “But that’s okay,” he said. “We are going to keep it for a few months.”
“Do you think Mamdani is going to stop by?” I wondered.
“We’re looking forward to it!” said Mr. Chowdhury.
What are some other good options for a cheapo lunch in NYC? Note: it must cost less than $10 and be served in a restaurant where you can sit down! Please respond in the comments or drop me a note: annekadet@yahoo.com.
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CAFÉ ANNE, a free weekly newsletter about NYC, is created by Brooklyn journalist Anne Kadet. Subscribe to get the latest issue every Monday.
I am writing about East Harlem right now. Thanks for taking care of the restaurant review section! I love that you can order a Mamadani Special or some Alito Fries. I heard the Patel platter is not a best seller though.
“almost certainly chicken” 😂